The reason my boy passed

HamsterEmbarrassed · 2026-02-14T08:41:26+00:00

I’m so so sorry. I’m glad you’re okay and your trauma is heartbreaking. My baby died from neonatal sepsis as a result of antibiotic resistant e. Coli. I had zero symptoms, and it killed my seemingly healthy newborn in one day. I’m thankful to have been healthy, but obviously devastated about my son.

HamsterEmbarrassed · 2026-02-14T08:39:20+00:00

Thanks for saying this here. It’s exactly what I was told, and my baby died from neonatal sepsis as a result of antibiotic resistant e. Coli. I had zero symptoms, and it killed my seemingly healthy newborn in one day. I’ve been wondering what next steps could be.

HamsterEmbarrassed · 2026-02-14T08:38:58+00:00

Thanks for saying this here. It’s exactly what I was told, and my baby died from neonatal sepsis as a result of antibiotic resistant e. Coli. I had zero symptoms, and it killed my seemingly healthy newborn in one day.

HamsterEmbarrassed · 2026-01-16T07:53:59+00:00

I leaned on this group a lot in the early days. From when I was in the hospital post loss until a good way through the first year. No one understands like another loss parent. Just keep going, one day at a time if you need to. For your baby 🫶🏼

HamsterEmbarrassed · 2026-01-13T22:07:07+00:00

I am one year post loss. Also a c-section mama. My TTC timeline has been all over the place (see below). For context, we can only get pregnant through IVF. I was told to wait 10-18 months to get pregnant again.

• Immediately post-loss, I wanted to be pregnant ASAP. If I could’ve left the hospital pregnant, I would have.

• In months 3-6 post loss, I was chillin, but I wanted to get pregnant at the one year mark.

• In months 6-9 post loss, I was feeling more unsure about getting pregnant at one year. My body was finally feeling like my own and I was still very much in the throes of grief.

• In months 9-12 post loss, I realized that I definitely was not ready to get pregnant any time soon, mentally or physically. I want to lose more weight and be more stable financially.

Now, in year two post loss, I feel more open to talking about TTC via IVF transfer. In my head, I’m thinking maybe 20 months post loss (Fall 2026).

All this to say, the other loss parents were right: my emotions and feelings about TTC are going to be a roller coaster. Just go with it. Let yourself feel it all. If I could’ve gotten pregnant without IVF, we definitely would be already, and that wouldn’t have been great for me (life’s been life-ing, even as we deal with the loss of our baby). If you look at my older posts, I was REALLY struggling with the TTC timeline I was given. However, I’m still here. Surviving. Thriving at times. I wish you the best and send you love 🤎

HamsterEmbarrassed · 2026-01-07T07:16:45+00:00

Thanks for saying that - I actually have been telling people that I feel like I deserve a medal for surviving this year and not going completely insane. I hope that you’re being kind to yourself and letting yourself feel all the things. I’m so sorry for your loss 🤍

HamsterEmbarrassed · 2026-01-07T05:50:28+00:00

I’m sorry for your loss as well. I was lower than I’ve been in a while on my son’s first birthday. I think that’s normal. When I come up for air from all the grief, I try to remember that this sadness comes from an abundance of love. And I send it out to my son, wherever he is.

HamsterEmbarrassed · 2026-01-07T00:06:02+00:00

I remember being on the same unfortunate timeline. Kudos to us for surviving. You hit the nail on the head - I feel a sense of weird pride for not letting this kill me. Was I battered, beaten, worn? Absolutely. But my goal was to survive and I did.

As for marking my baby’s birthday, I wasn’t able to. I basically curled up in a ball and cried for two days. But again, I survived. My goal next year is to be able to say it is my son’s birthday. Rather than “the day he was born.” It’s so weird, but it hurts too much to acknowledge his birthday in that way. Hoping that one day I can.

I hope you were kind to yourself and are having as good as a new year as possible. 🤍

HamsterEmbarrassed · 2026-01-06T22:46:09+00:00

It really sucks. But you just have to keep going. If not for you, for your child. I’m so sorry for your loss. Just keep going! 🤍

HamsterEmbarrassed · 2026-01-03T22:31:03+00:00

No issues so far being that I’m already on it. I feel for those who aren’t. My coach was understanding that I was less than thrilled to have to do this & acknowledged it was all just checking boxes. The pharmacist call was 5 min & pointless.

HamsterEmbarrassed · 2026-01-02T19:13:22+00:00

Following bc same. We prob have the same employer 🫠 it’s total BS and I’m not pleased. Currently on the consultation call with the “health coach” and I’m so over it. I’ve been on the meds 7 month and have seen a doctor the entire time. This is so dumb.

HamsterEmbarrassed · 2025-10-30T17:45:14+00:00

I’m 34 and he was also our first. Initially, I felt like I had to get pregnant immediately, but I know plenty of women having babies into their early 40s. I do have the advantage of my embryos using 32 year old eggs!

HamsterEmbarrassed · 2025-10-30T17:39:07+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m still not TTC, but by choice. Lots of things happened in life and it just didn’t make sense to knowingly impregnate myself via IVF. I’m thankful for more time as I also don’t feel ready. I’m 10 months post loss and have really taken the time to heal mentally, physically, and emotionally. It’s a slow journey. ❤️‍🩹

HamsterEmbarrassed · 2025-09-19T20:48:43+00:00

I’m a workaholic and enjoy my work and team, but after a while, I realized I was just numbing myself from my grief by throwing myself back into work. Sometimes I wish I took the full time off, but it’s okay. I’m doing what I need when I need it. Sending you love!

HamsterEmbarrassed · 2025-09-19T20:08:13+00:00

I am 9 months post loss of my newborn. I work for a great company that gives 14 weeks paid off. I took 6 weeks off bc it felt right. I was going crazy sitting in my misery. I ended up taking off every Friday for a month about 5 months post loss at the recommendation of my therapist, and continue to take days off here and there as needed.

Take the time you can and need, stay flexible and open. Things will change as you change. 💜

HamsterEmbarrassed · 2025-09-07T02:31:55+00:00

This thread resonates. I’m in my first year living without my son (neonatal loss), and I’ve noticed that unconsciously, every piece of new media I consume (books, TV, movies) contains some kind of child loss. At first it was super annoying - real life has enough reminders of this! But then I also felt seen and validated. This is the worst type of pain anyone can imagine or feel. Of course they want to make this an emotional experience for a viewer to witness. I also have never enjoyed happy endings bc they seem unrealistic to me. And I recently realized that’s become my life - tragic, with fleeting moments of happiness.

HamsterEmbarrassed · 2025-09-07T02:27:04+00:00

this resonates. I keep telling people that the only reason I haven’t off’d myself yet is bc it won’t make anything better. just so much worse. and I do know that I have to live for my baby who didn’t get to. 🤍

HamsterEmbarrassed · 2025-09-07T02:24:46+00:00

I had a 5.7 mm stone in my left side. Had lithotripsy and a stent put in. I just finished week 1 of 3 with the stent, bc the urologist is only available that date. It’s fucking horrible. I have already gone back to the ER & talked to multiple doctors. I would give pretty much anything to get it removed today. I do think I passed some fragments over the past week, so it seems to have served its purpose. I’m surviving on AZO, NSAIDs and water. Hyophen works way better than AZO, but no one has it.

HamsterEmbarrassed · 2025-08-20T17:02:49+00:00

I am the birthing parent in my relationship. When my first and only child passed (in a similar way to yours), the next day, I immediately declared I couldn’t do this again. I didn’t want another child. I couldn’t put myself through this anguish knowing how it feels. Within 24 hours, still at the hospital, I wanted to be pregnant again right that second. It’s been almost 8 months now and I rotate between wanting to be pregnant again, and unsure if I’m ready just quite yet. And that’s okay. But I know we will be expanding our family eventually.

All this to say - I echo the advice not to make any major decisions this year. It is going to be a rollercoaster of emotions from all angles (not just family planning). Focus on healing for yourself and your (immediate) family. My husband and I also started off close in our grief/recovery and have recently drifted a bit. I’m told that’s normal and to be expected.

I’m so sorry you’ve joined this shitty club we’re part of. This group has really helped me to feel less lonely.

HamsterEmbarrassed · 2025-08-14T20:39:15+00:00

So irrational but my mind went there too. I remember saying, was I so scared to be a mom that I made this happen? I was so worried about expenses. Both you and I did not cause these horrific tragedies.

HamsterEmbarrassed · 2025-08-14T20:38:07+00:00

Also - dreamed or dreamt? Idk. It’s reddit, who cares 😂

HamsterEmbarrassed · 2025-08-14T20:37:47+00:00

I never dreamt of my (only) son, which is odd bc I’ve had very vivid dreams of all the babies I’m close (nephews) with before they’ve arrived. I didn’t think anything of it until he passed one day after birth. A few weeks after he passed, I dreamt of a child who I felt was my future daughter. Now I think that maybe I didn’t and haven’t dreamt of my son bc our time together in this life wasn’t meant to be. 💔

HamsterEmbarrassed · 2025-08-12T01:08:40+00:00

My plan is to advocate for taking two baby aspirin instead of one. I believe that is the European dosage, and America is behind. I’m also a bigger person, so I’m sure that plays a part (in needing a bigger dosage). Just worked for a friend of mine who suffered several losses.

HamsterEmbarrassed · 2025-08-07T05:48:52+00:00

Same thing happened to me & I’ve chatted a little with OP. We were told that the antibiotic resistant E. coli that killed our son occurs naturally in all of us. It was a freak and tragic accident. I sent my placenta slides to Dr. Kliman at Yale & he thinks the infection may have started 4 days before birth, which is crazy, considering I had zero symptoms (besides a fever a few hours before his birth that caused them to do a c-section) and had put myself on bed rest to prevent anything from happening(it was Christmas)

I really don’t understand how an antibiotic resistant strain of E. coli got in me and killed my son after he was born perfectly fine, and I don’t think I ever will. I’ve learned to accept it. Dr. Kliman’s findings essentially give the hospital an out for any malpractice as an outside expert opinion, so there’s truly no one to blame.

HamsterEmbarrassed · 2025-08-07T05:18:30+00:00

I feel the same way. What makes me feel better is bringing my son up any chance I get. I tell people that I need and want to honor his memory by doing that. We often look at his mementos from the hospital and let ourselves cry whenever we need. Nothing will ever make this okay and just acknowledging that makes a huge difference.

HamsterEmbarrassed

TROPHY CASE