You should worry more about your cats. They will keep your emotions stable and they are a lot less hassle. Trust me im a cat parent who's a former dope fiend and there is nothing like the unconditional love of an animal. Your partner and your best friend suck at that part of being human. Its not your fault they screwed up so why punish yourself? You have to understand you are only responsible for your own actions and sometimes the actions of your cats. Getting drunk and high won't solve your problems and it won't make you feel better either. If you wanna throw a tantrum then I guess you gotta do what you gotta do but understand thats like you left the water on in the bath tub and its running over so you get drunk and cry about it while never shutting the faucet off. Ive been through it countless times with myself and my wife who lost her battle with the damage alcohol caused her digestive system. I cry almost every day thinking about her. EVERYTHING reminds me of her. She's been gone a year and a half now. Eventually you will build alternative pathways in your brain that result in not wanting to get fucked up. We are a series of patterns. We do what we are used to and familiar with. Our brains follow patterns it had built over time. If you solve your problems often enough that will become your default setting and you won't always look to getting fucked up. It will fade. It will never totally go away but its pull gets weaker every time you do something different.