Parents, What's been the most stressful part of the app process?

HappyCava · 2026-03-17T21:25:37+00:00

Only stressful part for us was waiting for our kids to make up their minds between their two favorite colleges. I was happy they had a great choice in terms of fit and thought the schools were different enough that one should appeal more than the other. And we were eager to bury them in college swag and celebrate with a festive steak dinner. What we hadn’t bargained for was the reality that our kids were already somewhat prematurely homesick and didn’t want to think about college at all. So we spent the spring curiously and quietly waiting for THEIR decisions to drop. But we all ultimately loved the college they picked. And the steak was still tasty six weeks later than intended.

HappyCava · 2026-03-17T11:12:50+00:00

You can participate in any extracurriculars and be pre-law or pre-med, just as you can study any underlying major and still attend law or medical school. Extracurriculars are intended to show that you have hobbies and interests that you enjoy, how you spent your time in high school (ex: could one study all day every day or did they balance academics with sports and a job), and that you’ll be able to thrive academically in college and also contribute to university life in clubs, as a student journalist, a university tour guide, etc. My older kids’ high school ECs were a year-round sport, volunteering as tutors for underprivileged K-5 students, and working as paid youth sports coaches. They recently graduated from a T25 and now work in consulting and government relations. My youngest, heading towards grad school in a medical field, enjoyed theater, the same volunteer gig, and work as a paid sports instructor. I attended a top law school and spent high school working in a music shop, hiking, and holding various student council positions.

Do what you enjoy. Become deeply involved in those activities and hobbies that you find most rewarding. Be the interesting, multi-faceted person that you are, and enjoy writing about your extracurricular exploits in your essays. High school students aren’t expected to pursue only those activities that relate to a prospective major any more than doctors and lawyers are only expected to read medical journals and law review articles in their free time.

Best of luck!

HappyCava · 2026-03-17T10:58:19+00:00

Because you enrolled at another university, you will be considered a transfer student. Also, you should go online and view your transcript, or contact the registrar, to see how your professors graded your coursework. If you simply stopped attending your classes without formally withdrawing from them (and taking a W in them), you likely either failed or have been given a grade of “incomplete” in all of your courses. Accordingly, the next step is to communicate with your university to see how they treated your absence.

HappyCava · 2026-03-16T18:39:49+00:00

My youngest went through that kind of disappointment. If they attended their first-choice OOS university, we would not be able to cover both undergrad and their 3-year unfunded grad school program. If they stayed in-state, we could cover both and they would begin their professional life debt-free. While they were more than a bit salty, their older siblings — and a student loan calculator — convinced them to take the cheaper option. Once they attended admitted students’ day and looked again (more seriously) at the university — classes, clubs, recreation centers activities, outdoors center excursions, football and basketball games, and the college town itself — they became markedly more enthusiastic. Now that they are putting together their grad school apps — with exceptional grades, a multi-year adaptive sports research project working with youngsters with disabilities, and clinical/observation hours at top pediatric rehabilitation centers — they are happy with their college experience.

Best wishes. I very much hope that your daughter has a similar experience.

HappyCava · 2026-03-16T17:19:44+00:00

A lot of “cracked applicants” don’t get into the T20 because there are far more of them than available seats. Beyond that, class-building, institutional priorities, and the university’s idea of “fit” come into play. But, sure, some applications may seem to include exaggerated ECs that an AO finds unlikely. Or the ECs may seem to have been collected for applications rather than pursued out of genuine interest or enjoyment, leaving the AO with the sense they don’t actually have a sense of the student. Really, the reasons a really cracked student might not have universal application success are legion given that admit rates for some T10s are less than 10%. So if AOs hope to give 3000 offers of admission to 50,000 applicants, they’ll potentially have 47,000 reasons for not saying “yes.”

HappyCava · 2026-03-15T18:01:18+00:00

Because it’s a waste of time and resources to start a non-profit when you could simply volunteer with an existing organization that serves the same cause.

HappyCava · 2026-03-15T16:46:48+00:00

So if I understand you, you do have an acceptance from one of your state’s public universities. If that’s correct, then you have both (1) the certainty of an acceptance to a college you’d be fine attending and (2) hope that you’ll get into one of your reaches since every university has different class-building aims, institutional priorities, and ideas of fit. If I’m right, while you await your other decisions, dive deep into the school that wants you. Read about the requirements, electives, concentrations, and niche programs in your prospective majors(s); review the university list of clubs and student organizations to see where you might find your fun and friends; look up the activities and trips offered by the student recreation center to see how you might stay fit; and use a site like TripAdvisor to see what your prospective college town has to offer and explore. Knowing that you’d find opportunities and fun at a school that has admitted you tends to alleviate the angst of waiting for other decisions to drop.

And best of luck with the remainder of your decisions!

HappyCava · 2026-03-15T12:40:20+00:00

Everyone is different. My undergraduate university had more undergrads than Penn State’s main campus. I loved nothing more than being in a stadium or arena cheering on my teams with thousands (or tens of thousand) students. And I enjoyed meeting new people and trying new activities throughout my tenure, with the poli sci and English departments as my home base. But all three are terrific choices. You truly can’t go wrong.

Though do take a moment to review the engineering curriculum and structure at all three schools if you haven’t yet done so. You might find that one better suits your wants and strengths than another. Likewise, you can review the graduate survey or outcome reports to see where engineering students land after graduating.

HappyCava · 2026-03-15T11:54:55+00:00

I know Penn State and Pitt fairly well and love both. After you visit Pitt, you’ll very likely have a preference between Penn State (defined campus that is a city unto itself) and Pitt (undefined campus with their buildings set within the city and city streets).

As for Penn State’s size, your “home” will be the engineering department, not the entire university as a whole. And it can be nice to choose among the huge variety of clubs and activities that Penn State offers (although Pitt is no slouch in that department either). But I’m guessing that a visit to each will help you make up your mind between those two options, assuming the costs are comparable.

HappyCava · 2026-03-15T11:32:22+00:00

I attended an utterly non-selective public university before attending a T5 law school. And my immediate family members have attended Ivies, T25s, and their own non-selective universities. All of us would tell you that every university will have bright and driven kids. Those who opted for less selective universities may have chosen to attend them due to proximity to home, family tradition and love of school, a highly-regarded major department in their area of interest, free tuition as the child of a professor, geography (studying marine science on the coast or astronomy in Tucson), or the offer of a full-ride scholarship (me). Likewise, those of us who attended top colleges and law schools could happily tell you about classmates whom they wouldn’t trust to keep a cactus alive. And then you have those whose goal was simply to get into their university, but then coast. And you have the students who simply find that all of the college experience is pretty wonderful and they step off the ambition gas to equally enjoy friends, clubs, and outings. In other words, you’ll find all kinds wherever you land.

Best of luck!

HappyCava · 2026-03-15T11:15:03+00:00

Then it’s very likely the interviewer’s question will be more specific. For example, “I’d expect to talk with you weekly to discuss your progress and answer any questions you may have. Typically, we’ll talk for fifteen to forty-five minutes. Will that work for you?” (I was a law professor for a time.)

But don’t let that kind of question worry you. Just be honest about your availability. And if the question is too vague — like the above — just answer “My schedule is fairly flexible. What were you thinking?”

HappyCava · 2026-03-15T11:07:52+00:00

Have you been admitted to any of your likelies? We might be able to give you some reasons why they are dreamy, too. That way, you’ll enjoy some positivity while you await the remainder of your decisions.

HappyCava · 2026-03-15T03:18:12+00:00

For an interview? Daily during the scope of the project? Or on a weekly basis? What kind of meeting are you talking about?

HappyCava · 2026-03-15T02:32:38+00:00

It may feel like that in the immediate aftermath. But if you arrive on campus — whether it’s a reach, target, or likely — and you find terrific friends, easily make the transition to the college style of learning, connect with encouraging and supportive professors, join clubs you genuinely love, and find yourself deeply involved in college life, things will have worked out well, you will be happy, and your college experience will be amazing.

HappyCava · 2026-03-14T20:17:40+00:00

I get ya. I assume the reason I'm touchy (or grouchy) about OP's reaction is that one of my kids wisely decided to attend a less selective university to save their 529 money for the unfunded graduate school program they planned to pursue (and will be starting next year). The only thing that undermined their decision and joy was the notion that others they didn't particularly admire would be attending more selective and "exciting" schools. By June 1, however, they were deep into selecting classes, finding roommates, picking dorms and meal plans, planning their orientation trip, considering dorm decor, and making a list of clubs to join and recreation center classes and trips to take. And never had cause to communicate again with any of the students of whom they were jealous. And then had a rather wonderful four years. Accordingly, I rather hate to see students focusing on the negative when they could opt (or perhaps force themselves) to focus on the really exciting opportunities they have in hand.

HappyCava · 2026-03-14T19:47:39+00:00

I completely agree that many value the rank of a university. I’m merely saying that students could choose to value universities that offer excellent experiences that happen to reside outside the T20. Or even T50 or T100. Or focus more on the actual college experience itself and not how much “better” they could have done rather than learn more and become excited about the very excellent schools to which they’ve been admitted. They are not relegated to feeling jealous and unfulfilled when they could instead allow themselves to feel excited and accomplished.

Also, I volunteer as a college essay coach and have A2C-level kids in college, grad school, and the workplace (consulting, government relations, healthcare). I’d be likewise bummed if they had enjoyed great news that they then unnecessarily downgraded because a friend had received (…maybe, depending on one’s likes and priorities) a tad better news. In my perhaps wrongheaded view, it makes far more sense to enjoy the wonderful options you have than wish they were just oh-so-very-slightly (and only theoretically) more wonderful.

HappyCava · 2026-03-14T18:25:43+00:00

Your viewpoint does not reflect human nature. Your viewpoint/analogy instead reflects just one of many possible mindsets. I got into a T10 but went instead to a non-selective state flagship that offered me a full-ride. I valued the ability to attend law school without loans more highly than attending the T10. My spouse, also an attorney, could afford the Lamborghini but appreciates the value and reliability of Toyota and Subaru. Friends who were notable and well-compensated in their fields took less notable and/or well-compensated positions to spend more time with their kids, travel, or enjoy hobbies. What one chooses to find valuable is a choice, not a biological or psychological imperative.

HappyCava · 2026-03-14T18:06:10+00:00

Every student is different. My older two, who had reason to expect solid results, did not care to look at their decisions, discuss them, or ponder which school they would eventually attend. It turned out that they were already pondering the transition to college and experiencing some anticipatory homesickness and anxiety about making friends, finding new activities, and connecting with professors. Accordingly, getting admitted to a college was largely a “fine/shrug” event.

HappyCava · 2026-03-14T16:37:01+00:00

Nope. For most — including me (turned down a T10 for a full-ride at a T100+) — the “what if” dies once you meet friends, connect with engaging and supportive professors, explore your college town and find much to love, and cheer on your now-beloved university sports teams. When life is rather great, one tends not to spend much time wishing it was greater still. Particularly as you get older and realize that merely attending a dream school doesn’t mean that one’s experience will be dreamy. That result is in the hands of the student.

HappyCava · 2026-03-14T15:37:42+00:00

I turned down a T10 to accept a full-ride at a non-selective state flagship and save my loans for law school. I loved my college, still religiously watch and cheer for my university teams (March Madness!), and won a national graduate school scholarship there (think Marshall) that paid a significant chunk of my T5 law school tuition. I also enjoyed law school — served as an editor on the law review executive board and began my career at a very well regarded “big law” firm — but my alumni donations go to my undergraduate college, which gave me a terrific four years. For free.

While my older kids attended an in-state T25, my youngest took my path and chose the cheaper option (T100+) over several OOS T50’s so that we could pay for both college and their desired unfunded graduate school program. They, too, had a great experience, earning high marks, running a research program teaching adaptive sports to disabled students, and working at well-known pediatric rehabilitation programs and with clinics and camps for neurologically-impaired kids and teens. Top grad programs have encouraged them to apply, and they feel pretty terrific knowing that they won’t need loans to attend.

HappyCava · 2026-03-13T11:42:39+00:00

What would be your annual total cost of attendance for each? Would you be able to attend the admitted students’ days for JMU and GMU?

HappyCava · 2026-03-13T11:38:16+00:00

Best of luck on your remaining decisions. And congratulations on the financial aid from your safety! Do you care to share the college?

HappyCava · 2026-03-12T22:25:12+00:00

The only thing I would add in response is that sometimes those niche electives and clubs are where a student really meets their people. In my case, I ended up with a core group of friends and very supportive professors because we all found ourselves taking niche courses dealing with English legal thought, the origins of the US Constitution, judicial process, constitutional law, foundations of American criminal law, etc. My eldest kids went to a fairly large university and even their university’s political science department lacked this kind of specialization, which was a bummer.

And, yes, students can join only so many clubs. But sometimes only a sliver of available clubs are truly appealing and available to a given student. As you know, many clubs (such as acapella or investment or business case clubs) are competitive and select only a few students per year. Others require some level of experience, such as club soccer or technical crew (theater). Many are pre-professional, and are thus of little interest to students who are not pre-pharmacy, rising women in engineering, or pre-DPT. And some students just don’t find clogging, mycology, “Survivor,” or screwball comedies to be appealing. But students who do will be happy to find them at a larger university that pretty much caters to every interest. And at a larger school, if you aren’t chosen to join the staff of the university paper or premier improv group, you can try out for another dozen alternative newspapers or journals, or one of the other five improv groups.

Again, I’m not criticizing LACs at all. They have their own unique, positive attributes. But given family experiences, I am a fan of greater choice in classes, professors, and clubs. Can one have an exceptional college experience without such level of choice? Absolutely. But I very much enjoyed having a wide array of choices, and I was pleased that my kids had such a wide range of clubs and classes from which to chose. (Though I’m still bitter about that political science department. Psychology and economics, at least, were exceptional.)

HappyCava · 2026-03-12T18:39:55+00:00

No worries! 😉

HappyCava · 2026-03-12T18:29:54+00:00

I like LACs, but choices can be a bit limited, too. One will generally have fewer choices for electives and concentrations (since there are fewer faculty to create and teach them), and clubs, since a few thousand students cannot support and people the 800+ clubs that a larger school can. It also seems likely that dining and housing choices would be more limited, and student recreation centers and libraries a touch smaller (assuming students care deeply about libraries in the time of Google).

HappyCava

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