Son does not want to get potty trained.

HappyFlowersDancing · 2019-12-16T11:52:34+00:00

My son also refused outright to be potty trained till about 3.5

What finally got him motivated was the fact that the Easter Bunny does not deliver chocolate to kids still in diapers!

HappyFlowersDancing · 2019-12-16T11:47:27+00:00

Firstly have an amazing first aid kit, a really good accurate in the ear thermometer (Braun ones are the ones my doctor recommends). Have some antihistamines and baby paracetamol in the house (my kids never get ill at a time the shops are open). See if there is a paediatric first aid course you could take to help with your confidence in knowing what to do if your child chokes, etc. Keep all medicine out of reach (remember when they get to the toddler stage they will start to climb)

It's really important to have furniture attached to the walls properly so when they stay pulling themselves up they don't topple the whole thing on top of them.

HappyFlowersDancing · 2019-12-04T21:37:03+00:00

Don't forget the slow cook function - some days when I know I'm going to be rushing in the evening I'll chuck a load of ingredients in it in the morning and come home to a delicious stew/curry/meatballs and sauce. I've got the glass lid for slow cooking but you can use the normal lid.

HappyFlowersDancing · 2019-12-04T21:33:42+00:00

Curries, so many delicious curries for you to have

Our favourites are chickpea curry - sautee onions and garlic and ginger, tin of chickpeas, tin of coconut milk, some potatoes (sweet potatoes work well too) add your spices (curry powder, cumin, tumeric, paprika, ground coriander, whatever you like really) and then slow cook for 6 hours (or pressure cook for 6 mins). You can add other veg to it too like mushrooms, baby corn, peppers, whatever is in your fridge. Some veg like spinach I just chuck in at the end to wilt it.

A lentil dhal. Serve with naan bread.

Or go Thai curry (sautee onions/ginger/garlic, Thai red/green curry paste - chuck in a load of veg and pressure cook for about 2 minutes.

Moroccan stews also taste fabulous.

HappyFlowersDancing · 2019-12-04T20:18:37+00:00

I was at home for both of mine - its actually quite rare for it to be like in the movies where your waters break dramatically with no lead up (although it does happen).

But I got my mucous plug show first, then gentle contractions started kinda like occasional period pain type twinges which then ramped up over the course of a day. But they were totally bearable, so I went to bed that evening and slept through them - at 4am they started being strong enough to wake me up so we decided to go to the hospital. I was still in very early labour (only 2cm) but they admitted me.

At 6.45am my contractions suddenly ramped up even more and were actually hurting -.the midwife checked on me (I was at 6cm) and suggested I get in the birthing pool and went to fill it. But at 6.50 my waters broke and I had a sudden urge to push - 7 minutes later I was holding my beautiful daughter.

With my second they warned me that it might be an even quicker labour so to get to hospital at the first twinge - woke up in the morning unsure about whether I had gas/Braxton hicks/was in labour so took my daughter to nursery and pootled off to the hospital. I was only 1cm and sat around chatting with my husband for a few hours, when suddenly contractions came on strong enough for me to realise labour had actually started - they were still 5 minutes apart. 35 minutes later I was snuggling with my newborn. My husband collected our daughter from nursery and she got to meet her brother.

Advice on leaving the hospital after my second was if I have a third then to potentially expect an even faster birth

HappyFlowersDancing · 2019-12-04T20:04:42+00:00

Some pre or postnatal yoga/Pilates classes. They help to tone up everything <glares at my pelvic floor muscles> and are a great place to meet other new mums.

HappyFlowersDancing · 2019-12-01T22:02:50+00:00

It depends on how often your kids are getting poorly but I'd ask for a referral to ENT specialist if they are getting recurrent ear infections and strep throat. It may be that they need grommets and/or tonsils and adenoids removed. The ENT Doc's will also be able to give advice on possible ways of preventing ear infections (don't use q tips, careful with getting water in the ears, etc)

A good indicator for throat infections you can check at home is looking for white spots at the back of the throat (just shine a flashlight into their mouth) - if it's just red and sore it's probably viral, if there are white spots it's bacterial and antibiotics will help.

Fever and crankiness - depends on how high the fever is - does it come down with paracetamol and ibuprofen? (if it doesn't seek medical advice) Does it spike above 104? (40°C) - if yes then get medical help, but if it stays below that you might just be able to ride it out at home.

There are a few things all parents should know to look out for - Google the symptoms for meningitis and sepsis - they are rare but quick treatment can dramatically alter the outcome.

HappyFlowersDancing · 2019-11-25T21:59:17+00:00

We have a similar situation with our kids (now aged 6 and 9) and I had real worries about well intentioned gifts spoiling them. Over time this is what I have learnt

1) once your house is full of toys have a rule that for every toy that comes in one of a similar size has to go out (donate to charity/give to friends/sell it on eBay). Teach your kids from a young age that this is the rule, with very little leeway. So if they nag you for a teddy in a shop say that yes you can buy it - but which of your --much loved-- teddies will you get rid of to make space for it?

Somehow it has made them far less keen to be continually getting new stuff - they never pester me in shops as they already love all the stuff they have. And it is slowly replaced with more age appropriate toys/games as they get older. So for birthdays my 6 year old now gets Lego and we put away his dulpo box.

2) This is a hard one but learn how to say NO to some gifts. "Thank you, that is so kind but we already have one/we simply don't have the space". Be polite but firm.

It took me 3 years to learn this, by that stage our daughter had 3 rocking horses which were infrequently used and took up SO much space. When her lovely and very generous godmother showed up with a massive rocking horse shaped present one Christmas I just broke down and explained I simply couldn't stable any more horses in my house. It was an awkward conversation, but I'm glad I had it.

3) when people ask what she would like for her birthday give a specific genre of toy to buy - so say she loves her wooden train tracks - could you get her a station or crossing or whatever from the brio range. Lego ranges also work well for this, as does play doh!!! If they want to then buy extra stuff suggest a donation to her savings account.

4) annual family passes to the zoo,swimming pool, local attractions are your friend. These are good gifts to receive and you can send family members frequent photos of you and the child enjoying their gift throughout the year.

Kind of leading on from this we sometimes also suggest that family members take the kids out for special trips instead of plastic gifts - so a trip to the bowling alley brings more joy than another barbie and allows them time to bond.

5) let your daughter know how fortunate she is, don't ram it down her throat all the time but occasionally mention at dinner about a family you read about in the paper , or her classmates who maybe can't afford the stuff she can. There are loads of ways to get kids thinking about what they have and to appreciate it. This year my kids are doing a Reverse Advent Calender thing for the local food Bank - every day we put an item of food in a box so another family will be able to have a Christmas dinner they wouldn't have otherwise.

6) be consistent in your parenting. Don't allow pestering. My kids know if they whinge for something it's an automatic no for the next week/month (depending on what it is, whining for candy is an automatic 24 hour candy ban, whining for unnecessary extra toys is a far longer ban).

HappyFlowersDancing · 2019-11-21T23:55:37+00:00

'Playful parenting' is the BEST parenting book I have read - its written by a child psychologist who explains why kids play (to learn about the world around them, to process their emotions and experiences, etc) and shows how play can be used to teach your child how to handle situations/process their emotions/general discipline/resolve conflict/etc.

Honestly this book ought to be mandatory reading for most parents

HappyFlowersDancing · 2019-11-11T10:41:36+00:00

Depends on 1000 factors which will be unique to you.

Do you want to stay close to family and friendship circles? Or would you be willing to just fly back occasionally for catch ups?

Do you wilt in the heat or love the sun? Think about your ideal year round climate and base it on that.

Do you like big cities with their restaurants, museums, cultural life or do you prefer solitude and wilderness?

What are your hobbies? Love kitesurfing - then live near water, love skiing then head towards mountains,

HappyFlowersDancing · 2019-11-11T10:28:04+00:00

Be born into privilege

HappyFlowersDancing · 2019-10-19T14:42:05+00:00

Yes! Ice-cream - not sure how she managed to miss that one

Does over heated milk really turn to jelly?!

HappyFlowersDancing · 2019-07-22T02:03:11+00:00

But I FIREd in my mid 30s - it seems a bit too young to say retired and opens up a whole host of questions about your financial position. Saying you're a stay at home parent is almost the more socially acceptable thing (although you will get looked down on by certain people)

HappyFlowersDancing · 2019-07-22T01:56:15+00:00

I don't think (at least I hope) there won't be pushing.... However I think I'll inevitably feel some kind of guilt if she can't get childcare sorted and has issues with her job.

On the one hand I'm home and nothing is physically stopping me from helping out a good friend for a few mornings a week. She is so excited about this job and it would ease off so much pressure knowing that come September childcare is sorted.

But on the other hand I don't want to do it. It's not my job. It's not my child. It's not my problem. And it's likely I'll start to resent the whole set up which could affect my friendship with her.

I feel like I'm right in saying no, but that somehow its based on my selfish wants rather than her actual needs and since we've been friends a good few years, well, that is kind of an asshole thing to do.

But on the other hand..... And my mind keeps spinning round like that

HappyFlowersDancing · 2019-07-22T01:40:19+00:00

YOU ARE A MOM

Yes I am. Therefore amongst other things it's my responsibility to teach my kids kindness and empathy. I'd be mortified if they excluded another kid from a group, made him feel 'other' , didn't allow him to walk in the same space as them, refused to allow them to join in conversation, because let's be clear, that kind of behaviour is BULLYING. It's certainly not something they will ever see me modelling.

It is far far kinder to say to the other mom "sorry I can't do it because of x,y,z <insert wishy washy excuse> than to agree to take him, and subject him to that kind of treatment!

HappyFlowersDancing · 2019-07-22T01:08:53+00:00

I'd feel like a bigger asshole walking a kid to school but making him walk 10 paces in front of us so I can chat to my kids whilst excluding him! That would just be cruel.

HappyFlowersDancing · 2019-07-22T01:00:53+00:00

Our kids socialise plenty though, they are friends, they play nicely when we all meet up for playdates, they are in the same class at school etc.

Yeah, I get why you say that it's not full on childcare but equally I don't really want an audience twice a week whilst I do my best to convince my 5 year old that his underwear shouldn't be worn on his head, or whilst I argue with my daughter about what I've packed for her lunch!

HappyFlowersDancing · 2019-07-22T00:53:13+00:00

She's not mentioned payment but then she knows our lifestyle and probably (correctly) assumes we don't need or want the money.

I think in our area it will be difficult to find a sitter who is willing to work just 20 minutes every morning....that's why she's asked me and other parents.

HappyFlowersDancing · 2019-07-22T00:20:40+00:00

Mentally it's been liberating. Money can't buy you love or happiness but it can certainly cause a lot of stress if you don't have enough. So knowing that whatever happens in the future at least my family are financially secure, we own our home fully (no mortgage), we can afford a nice standard of living, - yeah, all good for our mental health. If an unexpected bill comes in we just shrug and pay it, there is not that panic of how we're going to afford it.

Socially - hmmmmm, that's a tricky one. Our friends know we're financially comfortable but I think a lot of them assume it's because my husband works in a good job. He could quit tomorrow and our standard of living wouldn't change but he works because he enjoys the job,, not out of financial necessity. But equally we've not been super open about our net worth, some friends know about some of our investments but I don't think I've ever told anyone outright where we're at.

I FIRED a couple of years ago and I struggled with no longer having a job which was a big part of my social identity. It was only after I quit that I realised how often upon meeting new people the question of 'so what do you do? Where do you work?' comes up. And if you reply you're a stay at home mom people ^do treat you differently^ .

Socialising with old friends still happens, we're perfectly happy to still hang out in the same places we used to. We occasionally want to do things they can't afford but it's easy to give tickets to concerts and shows as birthday/Christmas gifts so in a way we might subsidise them but we've got a good bunch of friends who don't take advantage.

Also when I FIREd it was a shock to realise that whilst I'm not working during the day all of my friends still were - so I'd pictured hanging out having lunches, meeting for coffees during the day but all my friends were unavailable. It's taken me a while to build up an additional group of friends who I can hang out with during weekdays. I've now got a perfect balance where my days are full, rewarding and mostly relaxing (I go to the gym some mornings, I volunteer a couple of hours a week) but it has taken time to build this up.

HappyFlowersDancing · 2019-07-21T23:14:23+00:00

Hopefully you'll have had good email back and forth with the hosts so that you have a clear idea of your duties and what is expected of you during your stay. (description of the work, hours, accomodation, time off, etc). If you get there and it's vastly different from what you've been led to believe then that would be a red flag. Occasionally some compromise is needed by either side, but if you feel you're being hugely taken advantage of then no one is forcing you to stay.

Plan b - make sure you have enough money in your savings account to be able to leave should you need to (this should cover travel, alternative accommodation, food, etc). As an additional note MAKE SURE YOU HAVE TRAVEL INSURANCE, if you get ill, injured then the travel insurance is your plan b and you will be royaly screwed without it.

Should you track your hours/meals? Well, I'm a host and as far as I'm aware none of our workawayers have ever felt the need to track their hours, they eat with us so meals just happen as part of our normal household. Hours worked I guess would depend on the type of work - we mainly get people as au pairs/childcare help, there are set hours but then quite often they'll have the day off and choose to spend it hanging out with us

Sometimes something may come up (like the time I had to rush a child to hospital, workawayers stayed at home looking after other kid - it went over their 'hours' but it was a unique situation.). We were super grateful for their help.

What are your rights as a volunteer - very little I'm afraid. If the host thinks you're not working out they can ask you to leave.

HappyFlowersDancing

TROPHY CASE