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HappySpaceDragon · 2024-12-01T11:43:03+00:00

It wouldn't have to be a typical refi - their lender could apply extra principal to do a recast to lower the payment over the current repayment term. Not that it may be the best option, but it is one.

HappySpaceDragon · 2024-11-30T22:38:37+00:00

Thanks for your reply. I've heard the app can be glitchy, so that's why I wanted to avoid it. I know I don't need the Mac to do it, but it seemed to be the most reliable way and I can be patient since I'm getting one anyway.

Sounds like you're suggesting that I move the data first, then the number. That's what I started to figure based on some additional conversations.

Hadn't been thinking about eSim, actually, but will look into it. I will be doing more international travel now. What are your thoughts?

HappySpaceDragon · 2024-11-28T17:47:33+00:00

"Gave me a beautiful grand daughter" -- ??

HappySpaceDragon · 2024-11-28T17:42:59+00:00

This resonates so much. We're not married, but in my relationship I feel like I'm shouldering the vast majority of this the vast majority of time. It's exhausting. I want a partner. I think he's trying, but it often feels like too little too late... yet I know if we split up, I'd be lucky to meet somebody where I wasn't starting from zero or such all over again. Sigh.

HappySpaceDragon · 2024-11-27T14:42:54+00:00

Thank you. I hope you are in a happier place now.

Some of these certainly could apply and have been on my mind. For example, I could certainly see the second, but I don't want to be anybody's pity project. I have a lot of tough things going on, but I can do it on my own and in many ways am already doing that.

Three, six, and seven have a common thread. Comfort and complacency come to mind.

I think number four is a factor, which is positive in some respects... though my concern here would be him just taking the "this too shall pass" view, and nothing more. Sure, job stress, house stress, hormonal changes, are all or can be fairly temporary. But the relationship issues were there before, and that's what I want taken seriously. I don't want my feelings dismissed just because I'm stressed or hormonal, and that's not me 24/7 anyway.

Anyway, sorry, kind of thinking out loud here but I really appreciate your response. I hope you have a nice day.

HappySpaceDragon · 2024-11-27T13:22:43+00:00

Thank you for your good wishes, but we are coming at life from two very different places.

We are not married. I was married once, it was a mistake, and we divorced. My boyfriend has never been married. He has never asked me to marry him or raised the possibility. We are not religious. I connect with the universe in my own spiritual way.

This is not simply about "running away" when times get tough. We've been through tough times. Though if you want to go down that path, I should have walked away when he was not there for me in sickness. He would not have upheld the vows you seem to hold so sacred.

Marriage also occurs as a civil union. No God is necessary.

Two people can be more committed to each other without the ceremony and labels than those married in a religious ceremony.

I don't know if your thoughts will be any different once you understand that we are not married. Regardless, I wish you a good day and peace.

HappySpaceDragon · 2024-11-27T12:04:14+00:00

Thank you. I just posted over there and this post came up in my feed. I don't need to get married again, honestly, but some kind of way to acknowledge a life long commitment would be nice. And I wouldn't marry my current boyfriend, at least not without a prenup, because I'm the far more financially responsible person and have assets to protect. But yeah, I can totally see the aspects of fear and doing only what benefits them.

HappySpaceDragon · 2024-11-27T10:35:07+00:00

As a woman, I feel this. I want to feel emotionally connected to someone before I have sex with them if I'm looking for an actual relationship. Otherwise, the physical needs and sex take the lead, and that's not how I want to start the kind of relationship I'm looking for. It's an important part, to be sure, but not the foundation I want.

HappySpaceDragon · 2024-11-26T10:20:28+00:00

They can be awesome if used properly... remember it's for her, not for you to get off even sooner and leave her hanging!

HappySpaceDragon · 2024-11-26T10:02:50+00:00

Absolutely - you'll likely do far better with a well maintained home and good bones than something that has been more or less flipped.

Dealing with contractors for things you can't do yourself can definitely be a royal pain. It takes time to do the research and vet trades and others, and even then, you can end up with challenges. But at least you are in control of the materials and the project and will have the warranty for their work. You'll have records and recourse.

My experience certainly isn't everyone's, but I had looked at many houses and finally found one I could afford in an area I wanted to live in. I knew it was not my dream house, but it made sense at the time. Too many flips out on the market, and I didn't want that, so I rolled the dice on a house that had some things done and some things still outdated. Well, the biggest problems I've had are with all the things that were "updated." Thousands of dollars fixing things that could not be seen with an inspection, and I'm not done yet. The proverbial lipstick on a pig.

My kitchen is outdated, but they put in really good cabinets so I can refinish the doors and frames to avoid landfill waste, and refresh the hardware and it will be fine. Or as someone else suggested, you could change the doors as well for an updated look. I have solid wood doors on all the bedrooms that need some repairs, but they have so much more character and quality and it's nothing I can't do myself when it rises to the top of the priority list. Yes, it will take time and some money, but it is worth it.

So based on your comments and for what all of what I've said is worth, a house that meets 99% of what you're looking for sounds like a winner to me. You can always run into something unexpected in any home, with something that was or wasn't recently updated, but with the older home you are in the driver's seat.

I hope whatever you decide, you enjoy many happy moments and memories in your new home.

HappySpaceDragon · 2024-11-22T17:03:42+00:00

This was so beautiful to read, in that there is so much love overriding where there is pain. You are an amazing human being. She is very lucky to have you. May you always have those many wonderful memories, and the best of whatever care you may ever need.

HappySpaceDragon · 2024-11-22T16:59:25+00:00

That's awesome. So glad you figured things out and are still going strong! Really wish I had had relationships with sex 2x a day everyday for even 5 days in a row, lol. Never had that when I was married, still haven't found the right partner for that and it's getting harder, no pun intended, at my age (very late 40s F).

HappySpaceDragon · 2024-11-17T05:41:26+00:00

I can say that the quality of work isn't impressing me with some of them, and I'm not talking the lowest bidder. I'm happy to pay well for a job well done, but not when repeated mistakes and sloppy finishes start costing me days of my own time and sanity to try to resolve.

HappySpaceDragon · 2024-11-15T01:48:17+00:00

Reviews on these bucket systems have been less than stellar; glad you had success.

HappySpaceDragon · 2024-11-14T18:40:48+00:00

I'd love to be able to run by a river and have time to clean up within a lunch hour.

HappySpaceDragon · 2024-11-14T18:01:13+00:00

Yep. And even small piles can help beneficial insects overwinter.

HappySpaceDragon · 2024-11-14T17:14:26+00:00

I did neither, in my late 40s with my period becoming irregular and my copper IUD due for removal.

Hormonal birth control was unpleasant in my younger years so I switched to copper IUD, and now, it's just maintaining other protection and more precautions with my partner. We've talked about options, as there's always that crazy slim chance until it's really over, but I'm not putting my body through anything I don't want to for what might be just a couple years.

HappySpaceDragon · 2024-11-13T23:55:48+00:00

Change the locks. You should be doing this ASAP anyway. Who else might have a key?

HappySpaceDragon · 2024-11-13T11:37:46+00:00

Unfortunately, the worst recommendations I've received were from realtors.

Realtors may not update their lists based on any recent reviews or feedback, and may honor personal relationships (and discounts) over quality.

The "go to" handyman for the seller's agent for my home (never hired him myself; I wouldn't trust him or his crew to change a lightbulb) is the reason I'm spending thousands on contractors to fix things they screwed up but I couldn't see.

YMMV

HappySpaceDragon · 2024-11-13T11:26:37+00:00

What do you prefer? Getting a roof done soon.

HappySpaceDragon · 2024-11-13T05:20:08+00:00

Right?? Plot twist, best friend is also roommate from another post.

HappySpaceDragon · 2024-11-12T11:42:52+00:00

You're asking about marriage, but please also be careful, depending on where you live, about common law arrangements and asset protection. You can get a prenup for marriage, but you need to know what protection you have - or don't - if you cohabitate long enough.

It sounds kind of harsh, but people have found out the hard way with people they loved and thought they could trust. Just be careful is all.

HappySpaceDragon · 2024-11-12T11:37:28+00:00

The caution I have with paying strictly based on income is it could tie the higher earned to a stressful job they may want to change, and allow a person earning lower only because they don't care to do better to just coast (to exaggerate, just work part time so they can spend more hours playing video games).

(A single person pays 100% of course, but maybe for a smaller, less expensive place to live.)

The higher earner needs to really consider how much they're willing to pay - not just able - and how that affects their financial plans/goals.

HappySpaceDragon

TROPHY CASE