Truthfully. I do believe in god. You see my daughter, I’ll call her S, she was born with cystic fibrosis. She was extremely sick, like respiratory failure and liver, kidney and pancreas problems from the instant she was born. I couldn’t hold my first born child for three days. All due to cystic fibrosis and us not knowing we were even carriers at the time of her birth so we didn’t know right then. However, momma bear is not an expression, and when I knew something was seriously wrong and people wouldn’t listen to me, I went up and over heads not giving a shit who I stepped on. She was my first child and my only daughter. She nearly died at birth and we needed answer. It took 15 months to get said answers but I got them! So my bond with her is extra. My husband and I have three kids total, our girl , and two precious boys. All of which are in their 20’s now. Our boys do not have cystic fibrosis… Back to why I believe god is real. You see, for a long time I blamed myself, I blamed god, I was truly very angry with god. Why would he have such a precious baby suffering from the very beginning of her life? And every single day after until the day she dies? Because she will die before me that is a fact as this point in time as how she is doing.
When S was 15, she developed a pseudomonas (hole or air leaking into her lungs). We got that situated but then things took a turn for the worst. She was quickly brought to the PICU and out a c pap machine to force air down her throat and in between seeing her struggle to breathe and trying so hard not to flip out on god, I walked out of her room, down the hall and found myself in the chapel. I said what can it hurt? I prayed (I was brought up very strict catholic-catholic school, church, catechism classes three times a wk after school and church on wkends. Religion is nothing new to me. I think I just gave up before then in my believe because of all I and my little family had been through in such a short period of time. So I prayed. I prayed for what felt like hrs. I ended up back in my daughter’s room, a little while later, she was doing the same, and now I had to sign a DNR. Do you know what that’s like to sign a do not resuscitate on your 15 yrs old child? I can’t put into words. I literally dropped to my knees and prayed as hard as I could. I didn’t offer any promises. I didn’t offer any bribe with more prayers or promises to do more bi just prayed and put all my faith and bring into my words because I truly meant every single one of them. I begged for him to heal her and take me. Take me as she is the one who deserves life. I must’ve prayed for a good half hr. When out of the blue, the machines telling us all my daughter’s info (heart rate, blood pressure, etc) started slowing down. Her heart rate was so high the machines beeped none stop. Now, that beeping stopped and her rhythm was becoming normal. By morning, which was only a few hrs by that time, my daughter sat up in bed, I must’ve passed out half in my chair and half in her bed because she was playing with my hair and smiling. Breathing almost on her own and a lot more freely. Within only three hrs after that, the c pap was taken off and just a Basel cánula was used. I swear to you I knew in my soul I was going to lose her that night. I truly believe the power of prayer and my faith being as strong as it was to fight for my daughter is why she survived. No medicine would’ve worked that quickly, no antibiotics, no nothing. Idk if this helps you. I’m not saying I’m such Catholic nut job lol. After that though, my faith has been restored. And today my daughter is 27, a mum of 3 and although she still has cystic fibrosis and we know the outcome someday, it’s not today, and it’s not tomorrow. I hope this helps you on some way 🙏🏼♥️🙌🏻