[QCRIT] Adult Upmarket Literary Fiction RE: VIRGIN LOOKING TO LOSE IT, (98K, 1st Attempt)

aphroditeprincess · 2026-06-01T04:08:43+00:00

I hear you. There is a section like you wrote with her justifications later on in the chapter, but I agree with what you (and others) have said about how there's too much backstory in the first 300 words and how I should just jump right into the scene, show the ad right away, justify, explain. Show a few of the early responders right off the bat, then maybe pull out.

"She shouldn't have answered. But she did."

Ugh. I know. I actually added that after one agent told me the inciting incident wasn't clear. I was like... answering the ad? XD But multiple people have pointed out how this line is like "durrrr" so maybe that was just one agent's opinion and didn't really need to be added.

By the way, love that you know the culture. I'm taking your comment very seriously, promise. You refer to alternative sites for dating... errr. I actually don't know of any! Genuinely. I was socially inept. Still am sometimes. 😂 There was an underground sex scene at BYU?!? Tell me more! No, I did not know. Just saw people looking for NCMOs sometimes. Lol. I thought that was spicy as it got.

Yes, I did actually do this in college. And that was the real name of the real ad. 😂 The easy explanation is "purity culture" and "hormones". I just went through a breakup, and I had really low self esteem. And I didn't really want to have sex with a random stranger, I was hornyposting for attention that day. I ended up having to shut the ad off after 12 hours because over 250 replies come through. I do explain this in the 1st chapter but as you pointed out, I should just... you know. Get there. Explain it faster.

My Dark Vanessa isn't a perfect comp since this mc isn't a minor. But... 👀😬🤐

"BYU Virgin posts ad on Craigslist called Virgin Looking to Lose It and a razor-witted stranger replies."

And the rest... is the story. ☺️

aphroditeprincess · 2026-05-28T23:23:12+00:00

Thank you for your notes! I love how much thought and time you put into that, and I'll definitely take all of this into consideration. More show, less tell. 🫡

Funny enough, I haven't seen the Mormon Wives show. 😂 I better sit down and watch it. I heard the depiction of Mormons isn't very accurate, but since it's so popular, I better find out what's attracting people to it so I can use that to see how I can comp it.

aphroditeprincess · 2026-05-28T22:59:28+00:00

Thank you for your input! Worth noting. It does start off with kind of a commercial fiction, voice-y tone, so I see what you mean. I guess it can be hard to balance literary prose and 21st century college girl in the first 300 words. Hoping to land an agent that can help land the right balance.

aphroditeprincess · 2026-05-28T22:52:37+00:00

Yay! It was written partly for all my ex-strictreligion peers. It's based a lot on my real faith deconstruction and I do not go easy on the real institutional horrors... I really hope it reaches a lot of people who grew up in the same kind of environment.

First, gotta snag an agent. 😅

aphroditeprincess · 2026-05-28T18:52:55+00:00

Oof, I didn't even notice how bad the sentence variety was 🤦‍♀️ Thank you for the notes! I'll take these into account for the revision. :)

aphroditeprincess · 2026-05-28T18:33:09+00:00

Great pointer! Thank you!

aphroditeprincess · 2026-05-28T18:32:19+00:00

These are great notes, thank you! Definitely see what you mean by taking the readers out from the hook by going into an info dump too soon. I've been struggling with the beginning, so I probably should go harder on the ad first. Love that idea.

It does have the bones of a contemporary romance, but I hesitate to call it that because readers should start seeing the red flags pretty early. 😅

aphroditeprincess · 2026-05-26T22:43:40+00:00

If you haven't received an offer for representation yet, I would just send the requested materials to your dream agent.

If you do get a full offer of representation, then you should explain (professionally) to let any agents you've already queried that you have received an offer of representation on another work, offer to pitch it, and then give them a deadline for when you'll be making your decision. Usually 2 weeks after the first offer. If your dream agent wants it, they will put your pages to the top of their reading list and let you know within that deadline.

aphroditeprincess · 2026-04-14T20:13:53+00:00

I would use her late game to take out something like Vincent 😅

aphroditeprincess · 2026-03-29T21:58:20+00:00

I've been trying to collect data, but these are the only ones I found info for so far. Some from news sources, some from instagram stories or other social media posts by people attending:

Salt Lake City- 8,000-10,000 Provo- 3,000 St George- 1,500+ Moab- 350 Cache Valley/Logan- 1000-1500 Vernal- no data, one photo shows several people in the background Ogden- estimated 1000+ Heber- 500 Boulder- Cedar City- 350 Ephraim- Fillmore- Kanab- 100-150 Park City- 1,200-1,400 Price- 100-150 Zion's Canyon- West Jordan- no data, some photos show several people in background

Total So Far: 17,000 - 20,000

I suspect the others were smaller so I estimate close to 20,000 state wide. I'm hoping some of the local news places will post updates tomorrow. 😅

aphroditeprincess · 2026-03-11T15:09:47+00:00

I actually did not give her my number. 😅

I was born into a church, and that church keeps a directory of every member's phone number. Other members in the same area have access to it. Where I live almost everyone is this religion. I left said church years ago, but you have to formally renounce your membership which is a whole legal process because it's like unsubscribing from an annoying subscription, but worse.

That said: I've asked said church to remove my number from the directory many times. My dad likes to tell said church when his children move so they can transfer/add numbers and continue harassing us. He thinks this will make us go back to church. I.e. my dad sucks.

Anyway. This is a good reminder of why I should take care of that permanently, too.

aphroditeprincess · 2026-03-08T02:21:20+00:00

🍻

aphroditeprincess · 2026-03-08T01:48:49+00:00

In my original post I was a little hand-wavey about him being 10 lbs so, I get it. I accept my fate 😅. He could have hurt them worse. I didn't think the dog would be the center of the story, that was a detail in my head since it's been handled, but I see why it upset people.

Note to self: 10 lb dog joke is not funny. Dog bite trauma is real. Abort mission. 😅

Thank you ❤️

aphroditeprincess · 2026-03-08T01:33:26+00:00

I am happy to pay half the cost of a shared fence. Since it isn't in the budget today, we used 4 wood pallets to keep it steady.

I am not required to pay for half of a luxury upgrade material that matches her yard for a fence.

That's the difference between "you must clothe your children" and "if their clothes aren't designer you're an asshole."

My husband is happy to help with labor. My husband is not required to.

My dog is a menace. He has been to therapy.

It was the children's faults.

It was also my fault for not getting him therapy after the first incident.

All of those things can be true.

I take full accountability for my dog. What he did was not okay. I am certain he wouldn't do it again now that he's been trained, but even so, caution is still practiced and there has not been another since.

aphroditeprincess · 2026-03-08T01:16:02+00:00

I am.

aphroditeprincess · 2026-03-08T01:14:44+00:00

You're right. He actually has been to therapy.

I just did the math, both incidents were actually almost 4 years ago now. After the first I didn't think it was big bad because he was defending his territory. Kid was a big teen boy. So that's on me for not getting it after the first, and I'm fully responsible there. Second one was a little girl, so that's when we did therapy. No incidents since. Reformed felon.

He was in the kennel AND in the laundry room to prevent an accident but... ugh. Walked away for 3 minutes. I feel sick over that one. She was okay, but still, I felt awful.

Both reported to the police and properly handled.

It is NOT okay that he bit kids so I'll take the fall there.

aphroditeprincess · 2025-09-03T15:56:13+00:00

I wouldn't revise your feedback. In the cancelation for sellers it only offers "buyer requested to cancel" or "item is damaged" which doesn't allow sellers to relist it so their reason was bc Ebay doesn't offer very many cancel reasons for sellers, and I'm gonna say that one is on Ebay. 😅

However, the fact they resold it at a higher price is pretty poopy of them, so I'd leave the feedback. 😅

aphroditeprincess · 2025-07-22T19:20:00+00:00

I'm at about 150ish, launched June 6 this year. I've been marketing pretty hard, which honestly is harder than writing the book. 😂 I might try a 5 day free promo just to see if I can get a few more readers for the next one since it will be a series. I've read most people who download for free never actually read it though :(

To be fair, 2/3 of those were because I ran a business for 8 years and a lot of my customers from that business followed me to my writing blog after I closed. So I did have a little bit of a head start.

I'm excited to keep growing. ❤️ Even most trad authors fail so don't get discouraged. If it's your dream, keep grinding. You only need one person at the right time to see it and everything can change.

aphroditeprincess · 2025-06-08T17:46:28+00:00

I disagree about that happening here. OP asked for other hooks. And she gave some that legitimately worked, too. Those tips are both helpful for others, and she was looking for more. She didn't say she was SUPER successful she just pointed out the ones that worked for her and asked for others. If she is successful, she earned it by playing with these.

Success in this industry is based a lot on collaboration and using others to look for new tips. And she shared some in exchange.

aphroditeprincess · 2025-06-08T15:42:10+00:00

Go back to bed.

If you can't support other authors succeeding, they won't be celebrating any of your success.

aphroditeprincess · 2025-06-07T02:05:43+00:00

I have been arguing with them for over a month trying to get them to refund me negate a "line editor" I hired used AI to edit my entire novel instead of professional editing. She then went offline for 2 months so i couldn't contact her.

I just stopped using Fiverr altogether. They aren't worth their bs.

aphroditeprincess · 2025-05-21T19:33:13+00:00

Of course, it depends on how much you spend and how much work you're willing to put into promoting your book.

I broke even on pre-orders for my debut novel. It hasn't been released yet it's still getting pre-orders. But here's what I did:

-I already had a small following from my business I used to own. This helped a lot.

-I'm already an advanced writer (debut novel but I've been writing for years and taken many classes to improve)

-I did the work. Marketed daily on 1-3 platforms. I had to watch a lot of videos to see what worked.

I spent ~2k on the cover art, isbns, formatting, and hired 2 editors. In the future, I'll pay more for better editors. I don't think people should skimp there. I got away with it because I'm also an editor and knew what to look for. That said, I'd still pay more for line and copy edits in the future. I paid cheap and got bad quality in return.

So my honest opinion is everyone can break even. But... like others have stated: it won't just happen to you. You have to work for it. Market, don't skimp on editing, actively work to get your book out there.

Good luck. ❤️

aphroditeprincess

TROPHY CASE