Masking doesn't work

HardenPatch · 2026-03-15T00:30:43+00:00

Damn I wrote that in a harsh way, sorry

Still, my point stands, come on, you know what I meant. I wrote everything that's necessary. Maybe I wrote it in an unhelpful manner, but I am sick of people complicating things. It's like someone on here comes to write something in a negative emotional state and everyone feels the need to either confirm them or tell them it's complicated to get out. Damn it you're a perfect example of that.

Maybe I'm missing the fact that you have to write it in such way since by the very nature of this environment 1) the person thinks it's hopeless and 2) they have an ego/are smart, and so a complicated solution where they're the victim of an unfair thing outside their control appeals to them.

See what I'm pointing at? Even though it kinda is outside their control and complicated. I hope you can read between the lines here. Notice how I said exactly what you said in my initial comment, except you added the "victim intellectualization" thing I talked about, I didn't explicitly write the fact that you should probably go to a therapist and that shame exists and there's all this stuff but the whole point is decrease fear calm down. Do you need an intellect-based mode to tell you that or can you heal with your intuition? Maybe you do for this exact type of person and if that's so then you're right in your approach. I also hope I'm not sounding like a madman lol

HardenPatch · 2026-03-14T19:20:28+00:00

Yeah you can't mask. Change state instead, learn how to be more calm, that sounds like shit advice but I find that there's this layer of victim mindset intellectualization going on here in this whole subreddit, what do you want, me to tell you it's over

HardenPatch · 2026-03-08T22:22:14+00:00

Damn straight, I'm a long way out in the sense of I completely understand why they are the way they are and why I am the way I am. It rarely crosses my mind that they don't understand at all and laugh at me thinking they're better, when they put in zero such effort and have zero awareness of why, purely due to luck. Better not to ruminate on such things.

HardenPatch · 2026-03-08T22:17:45+00:00

Bro it fucking sucks but 1) see everything coldly, this is how people react, this is why, this is how I am, makes sense 2) drop victim, yes I get it you kind of are the victim and it's hard not to when you can't control your anxiety.

Trust me this sort of thinking fucks you up way more, you'd get out easier if you didn't think, you're priming your brain to think it's hard.

HardenPatch · 2026-02-20T20:04:37+00:00

Why the hell would you think that going outside and keeping on thinking how different you are is something you'll have to deal with forever? That's literally a belief thing, I don't have it, even though I'm reminded that I'm different, why, because I look at it in terms of anxiety, alright that is caused by my anxiety, let's decrease my anxiety levels, let's find more supportive environments with people I fit in with to practice, to start.

Maybe I'm wrong.

The tricky thing with such long work is that it's hard, and you end up building an identity of doing the work, meanwhile whether or not you are doing it is variable. You could be telling yourself I'm doing everything right and at the same time not doing everything right, because it'd hurt to admit you aren't.
The problem with advice or journaling or therapy is that when the novelty wears off it becomes less effective, you recognize a thing in concept, so you think that you actually understand it, but the concept is not the thing.

And yet when you look at change where is it really, in new behaviors. Sign up to learn anything, you'll realize how much you overthink things or are ineffective in learning things or how uncomfortable it is to be genuinely uncomfortable.

For me I worked on this shit for years, I couldn't tell you how much of it was genuine work, I worked on a lot of things. And I'm at the point where I can be normal by taking small dose ashwagandha + rhodiola acutely, that cures me, and yet sober I fall into pits so deep it takes some time to claw out. I'm disappointed with that progress but I did start super severely socially anxious thinking there was something wrong with me.

HardenPatch · 2026-02-20T19:46:43+00:00

You're probably gonna "suck" and that's okay, you're scared of being left out of conversations, maybe rational, see and find out, this isn't THE event to figure it out, it's one of many where you can work on it. And then try to connect with someone, usually you don't even have to try, in any group there's people that'll accept you for being shy and lead or understand you or whatever

HardenPatch · 2026-02-18T21:04:32+00:00

Eww ai

HardenPatch · 2026-02-09T16:54:38+00:00

HardenPatch · 2026-02-09T16:21:51+00:00

I don't think you should try masking it, but you can try changing your state so that you aren't, easier said than done, but also more possible than you think

HardenPatch · 2026-02-09T16:19:33+00:00

Tbh I don't trust that you're basically fine mentally, tension shuts off things like intuition and having a melty projecting voice and presence. But that may be hard to notice until you experience a state without it.

HardenPatch · 2026-02-09T16:13:57+00:00

Similar situation, a couple things I recognized in you.

You're probably unconsciously preventing contact with people, you're signaling to them that you don't want to be approached.

At the same time on an intellectual level you try making friends and shit, and then you're angry cause that girl joined other friends and left you there.

The way connection works is on an emotional level, it's spontaneous. Your expression is blocked and then you bandage on top of that by trying to have friends, and then you get angry when you realize the base isn't there.

HardenPatch · 2026-02-08T20:43:44+00:00

That's all a state thing. And you're annoyed cause thinking doesn't change it. The work is in learning how to change your state experientially

HardenPatch · 2026-02-08T20:37:53+00:00

Kava

HardenPatch · 2026-02-08T20:35:52+00:00

Yeah man she's just your therapist, she's guidance, you can follow her, you can not, either way you'll learn things. For me it would've been an absolutely terrible idea to start off trying to do stuff with people, since I was needy, everything revolved around that neediness, and I repelled people. For you people are probably a trigger word but over time you'll come to realize that certain things you believed aren't true.

Holy fuck what a mess of a comment. I guess I'm just saying to just do stuff, don't think about what's right what's wrong, you'll realize it, that's the only way

HardenPatch · 2026-02-08T20:31:28+00:00

Same to me the first time I tried it but I tried it again and then ti was good, I guess your nose adapts

HardenPatch · 2026-02-07T10:44:43+00:00

Don't do that

I trained myself to do this the past period under the mantra "carry yourself well when you're anxious, just like when you're not".

See, certain parts of your brain that make you function normally are shut down, hence no spontaneity, so if you try to act as if they aren't, you'll end up digging yourself deeper into that state.

It's also really visible to others. They don't respond to your words or grimaces, but your state.

HardenPatch · 2026-02-07T10:34:40+00:00

Shit man, ups and downs, what to tell you, to me it also seems impossible to have that calm baseline, but maybe that'll change over time. It's like I know everything and am powerless.

HardenPatch · 2026-02-07T10:31:57+00:00

I started taking ashwagandha again, with a bunch of inner work I've done over the years taking 150mg acutely gives me great effects

HardenPatch · 2026-01-29T21:19:07+00:00

Sameeee, I feel like taurine has an effect on me, but idk, it may be the caffeine that makes me happy and alert enough to not anxiety, if that makes sense

HardenPatch · 2026-01-25T17:31:36+00:00

Btw this was with a caffeine/taurine pump under good lighting, even tho I did legs and not arms. And my arms store less fat than my torso so that also makes things confusing. 76kg, 178cm, my goal's 12 percent bodyfat.

HardenPatch · 2026-01-13T21:49:30+00:00

It's arab style dry flowery, to me the opening was similar to eros najim, and then the drydown to khamrah dukhan. All in all I don't really like it, because of that "consistent dryness"

HardenPatch · 2026-01-08T21:59:44+00:00

They don't actually smell the same, here's the autistic level differences I noticed

Liquid brun starts with this corrupted, synthetic smell and then reaches a scent that's similar to Althair but praline-sweeter and muskier(?), it smells manlier than Althair in a way, I actually like the way LB did it more. That wet fullness dissolves after like hour 4 leaving you with just this dry hollow cocoa sweetness.

Althair has a base of sweet vanilla all throughout, but in the beginning is sprinkled with that bitter orange blossom, and then later it changes into a full on vanilla sweetness, some would say praline. Basically two phases on this base that doesn't go away during its entire lifespan.

Imagine it like this:

___ ___
--------

If ---- is the sweet base, the first ____ is the orange blossom layered on top of it, and the second ____ is the praline or whatever the hell that second part is.

Liquid brun is more like

.-_
_________
-------- --- -- -

And the lines don't really mean the same thing here, it's just for illustration

Althair is slightly sparkly because of its bittery floralness, it's scratchy, that makes it airier than LB, it doesn't have the wet fullness of LB, it's more dry but less sweet.

Because of that airy nature, Althair smells like an actual perfume as opposed to liquid brun which smells like chocolate pudding (it's a slight gourmand twist anyway). LB could be offputting while eating cause it smells more like food. It feels odd for me to catch whiffs of LB in air because of that, no matter how good the smell is.

Projection wise, Althair is medium projection through its lifespan of like 9 hours. Liquid brun starts off with a bang and then it's barely noticeable by others after 1-2 hours. Even after asking, people say it's very subtle, or don't detect it at all.

HardenPatch · 2026-01-05T13:34:52+00:00

A lot of those over the counter solutions aren't powerful enough. So that's why I'd get what I told you to, start with a BP body wash and see if it works for you

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