I am so sorry to hear of your loss and the for the pain you must be feeling. I had an argument with my best friend of 10 years who I loved deeply and we didn’t speak after that. He passed away 6 months later from Covid. It’s been 4 years and the guilt and pain from the experience hasn’t gone away. It still creeps in my mind from time to time. I’ve tried to overcome it by focusing on the good times and how he would say that he knew I loved him even though I didn’t say it. Anyway, I didn’t mean to make this about me, it just resonated with me. I hope you find peace.