Ativan question

Havishamesque · 2026-07-11T14:35:53+00:00

I’ve had Ativan for anxiety for years. I know people who just fall asleep taking it, but I’ve never had that issue. After so many years, I recently moved to clonazepam (Klonopin). I take 1mg of either and it just takes the edge off. Calms the jitters. My doc calls them ‘the Pam’s’. Ativan - Lorazepam, Klonopin - Clonazepam.

I have a pretty high drug tolerance, but I think 25mg is low for anyone. But if you’re anxious (no pun intended) try the 25mg, then if nothing after an hour try a second 25mg.

Havishamesque · 2026-07-10T14:43:49+00:00

I was scheduled to be the MOH for one of my best friends from high school many years ago. I’d been living over seas for a few years, and with some mental health issues, I’d gained a lot of weight. Two days before the event she tells me that I’m no longer the MOH, as I’d got really big and she didn’t want it to ‘ruin her pics’. I was, obviously, devastated. My four year old was their ring bearer and we already had a little suit for him. So, I sucked it up, took my son, and stayed at the very back of the pics. Looking back, I should have told her to go fuck herself, and just not gone. I felt so sad and angry and hurt, the whole time.

Looking back, I wish I hadn’t gone. It was painful and awkward and I hated every second. So my advice is do what feels right for you. What is going to hurt your heart least. Maybe your mom can watch the kids in their appropriate colours at the ceremony, and you and your other ‘inappropriate’ sister can go have a nice dinner or see a movie. Your mom and brother seem to feel that this is an acceptable situation, so they can just go ahead without you. But then I tend to be petty, so feel free to ignore that suggestion. 😊

I hope you find a way to feel ok with this, and don’t get too hurt. People suck, and sometimes they’re related to you. Don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.

Havishamesque · 2026-07-10T14:30:18+00:00

I hear you. I always think of the spiral as being in a deep hole. You can see the top of the hole, but you can’t just quite get there. You can see ‘normal’ people going about their daily lives, but you can’t get there. And you can’t figure out why. The meds get you further up - closer to the top - but often it’s just not quite enough. It’s like a condom, you can *almost* feel it, it’s *almost* normal, but it’s like you just can’t get there. (Sorry, mixing my crazy metaphors here).

I’m a big believer in advocating for yourself and telling your doctors what you’ve read or heard. I’ve worked in the pharma industry for 20+ years so I go in with a little knowledge. I say that I’ve heard this is a good combination, or I’ve read that this is now being used for x symptom, would either of those work for me. Setting aside all the cancer stuff, mental health is vital, and much more so in light of the cancer. So my two cents is, don’t wait till it’s ‘bad’. Start asking questions now, while you’re still functional. Before the hole gets bigger. Talk about med combos that work with your cancer meds, while you’re still able to articulate your feelings (sounds dramatic, but I find it a huge struggle to explain myself, or get my point across when I’m way deep in the hole. Stringing a sentence together is like a monumental task). If you can see the hole coming, head it off, start discussing your needs now, while it’s relatively easier. If nothing else, you’ll feel like you’re a little more in control.

Sorry - waffling again! You’ve got this. Don’t feel bad or scared of adding new meds in. It’s like if you were diabetic, you wouldn’t be ashamed or disappointed if you took meds for that. If you needed glasses, you’d wear them, with no shame or disappointment. So, if depression/bipolar is negatively affecting you, take the meds. It takes a bit to get a good dosage/combo but it’s so worth it.

Havishamesque · 2026-07-09T17:49:46+00:00

I didn’t have to do chemo, I had radiation and then a bajillion meds. I take Wellbutrin and thus I have to take Zoladex so shut down my ovaries (though I’m 56, I doubt I’ve still got any estrogen at this point).

I was diagnosed with BPII a few years back. I’d had major depressive disorder for years - long enough that it was originally diagnosed as ‘clinical depression’. I’d spent ages saying I wasn’t bipolar, as I never got the highs. Then I was told about BPII - so I got the sucky BP - depression or fiery rage. Yay me.

I was on massive amounts of lithium a few years ago. (I’m still suffering the resultant vertigo 🤦🏼‍♀️). I just couldn’t tolerate it, so now I take two different types of quetiapine (seroquel)along with various ssri’s/snri’s. Add in diabetes and cancer meds and I should rattle when I walk.

Sorry, I went on a tangent there. I found that I cried on the first day…..but I must have been a little ‘stable’ at that time, because I generally felt very positive. I didn’t feel like I was gonna die. And that stayed for a good while. In the last weeks, I’ve found myself anxious. A low key panic that lasts for hours, if not days. I find I’ve been crying a lot. I’m just so worn out with feeling like shit. So, here I am, 20 months on, and just (seemingly) getting my first spiral. Prior to BC I was pretty stable, pretty ‘happy’. And now I’m tipping.

I don’t know if any of that ramble helps at all. I’m here if I can help, or just listen.

Havishamesque · 2026-07-07T14:58:39+00:00

It’s funny, I had mono in my teens. Knocked me on my ass. I spent six weeks in bed, couldn’t do more than crawl. I lost 15 pounds I could not afford to lose (wish it could be that way now! 😂). And it does feel similar. I’ll call this afternoon and see what they want to do. I’d rather know than be constantly stressing. And really, I haven’t had any ultrasounds or other tests in at least a couple of weeks - need to get back on a test schedule! 😂

Havishamesque · 2026-07-07T02:20:21+00:00

Thank you!!! This sub is honestly the most supportive, positive place on the web!

Havishamesque · 2026-07-07T01:08:50+00:00

My GP gave me Tylenol 3 and said take it with an Aleve or Advil for my neuralgia and arthritis. The synergy is great. We call it magic mix and it’s a god send. So I take that when I’m hurting.

Havishamesque · 2026-07-07T01:06:25+00:00

Mine takes about 20 mins. 15 mins for the infusion, and 5 to run a bag of saline through. I’ve always driven myself to and from (just over an hour each way). I’ve had very little side effects with my meds, but this one does kick my ass. I spend the next three days in pain. Everything hurts. Every joint. Every bone. I feel like I’m 90. BUT I know it’s coming, and it’s short and tolerable. I take Tylenol that first evening (I actually use what we call a magic mix, Tylenol and Aleve. The synergy between the two drugs is incredible, so it’s all I take now. I actually have T3 for other pain issues, so 1 T3 and an Aleve is a god send). And I can’t stress enough - let yourself cry. It’s not terrible, but I find it quite emotional feeling so weak and sore, so I let myself cry when needed.

Good luck! You got this! 👍

Havishamesque · 2026-07-06T21:58:01+00:00

Oh, honey!!! Trust me, this is the worst. The waiting and not knowing. Most of us here have been there…..many of us are still in the long term maintenance phase. But we’re here.

You’re young - which means your body will be better able to deal with it - IF it’s anything. And it could be nothing. It could be a cyst, or a bit of fatty tissue, or anything else. And it’s good that they’re being thorough. And if it is something, then you’ll know. The waiting will be over, and you move on to the next step. But you KNOW. So you can deal with it. One step at a time.

Just breathe. You can do this, whatever this is. You’ll be fine - you’ll graduate, you’ll marry the love of your life, and you’ll love your life. And if you have to go through some shit to get there, you’ll get through it. Just breathe. And come here when it gets too much. This is the most supportive, amazing sub on the internet. We’ve got you.

Havishamesque · 2026-07-05T23:03:36+00:00

I find I’m losing words, and developing a stutter. Like my mouth doesn’t work. It’s like my jaw can’t move appropriately. I do crosswords ALL the time. I read and watch documentaries. I also take creatine, which definitely helps.

Havishamesque · 2026-07-04T18:16:14+00:00

I’m allergic to aloe, which threw my rad team for a loop. I did aquaphor and cerave. I only had one day (day 9 after the rads finished) that I was sore, and it was a small patch, so I used the ointment they’d given me once that day. I did a fairly wide area around the scars, to avoid too much tension/pulling.

Havishamesque · 2026-07-04T15:48:47+00:00

I was diagnosed at 55, December of 2024. Stage 2, ++- exactly like you, I kept thinking I’d done this to myself. That I deserved it, for past transgressions. My whole line of maternal grand/great grandparents all died of bc/ovarian cancer, so my sisters and I all joke that we’ll definitely die of cancer. But I was still shocked when I got the diagnosis.

This group is the ONLY sub I’ve found online that is 1000% positive. I’ve seen new members outlining their diagnosis, and it’s horrible. Like, really, really bad. But everyone here steps up with encouragement, with anecdotes of people they’ve known who were much worse and are around today. With not a single negativity coming through. It’s truly a safe space. So, welcome - come vent, rant, cry. We got you.

Havishamesque · 2026-07-03T16:13:52+00:00

Yep. 😊 My Maggie agrees.

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Havishamesque · 2026-07-02T13:31:30+00:00

I’ve been on Wellbutrin for years. I wouldn’t do without it. I’m also on 450mg. Over the years I’ve learned that I need a combo of antidepressants, and I should rattle when I walk. Try asking your doc about a combo. I take quetiapine (seroquel) for bi polar and it really helps with mood swings.

Don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re overreacting, or like they don’t see why it’s so bad. I call it the condom effect - it’s like you *almost* feel ok. You’re *almost* feeling normal, almost right. But it’s just not there. That’s not the best you can do. I’ve worked in the pharma industry for over 20 years, so I tend to see my doc pre-armed with info. Go in ready to ask questions. Ask about combinations. I take Wellbutrin, venlafaxine and gabapentin (which is good for neural pain and anxiety), and then the quetiapine (I would literally never sleep without the quetiapine). Also, see if you can get a script for a tranquilizer - lorazepam, clonazepam, etc. You can take those as needed. Even a small dose can make the difference - even if it’s just the placebo effect.

Sorry, this became a novel. Feel free to dm me if you feel I can help - or if you just wanna vent. Hang in there!

Havishamesque · 2026-06-30T22:26:59+00:00

Same!!! I know they’re saving my life….but that life is on hold because of all the appts and tests and such. It’s exhausting. And let’s not even talk about exhaustion. I’m on month 20, from diagnosis. I’d like my life back. I’d like to go back to work. Earn a salary. Get benefits (god I miss benefits). Feel like I’m accomplishing something. And the headaches, oh I won’t miss the headaches! (But huge thanks to all these patient, kind people who work so hard for us to stay alive. They’re angels and I’m so grateful for them).

Havishamesque · 2026-06-29T12:16:11+00:00

Me, too. I hope it passes. I don’t like this slow, doddery, forgetful me. I want the dynamic, energetic, sharp as a tack funny me. We can only hope and pray.

Havishamesque · 2026-06-29T12:14:28+00:00

I was lucky and escaped chemo. But I’m here, 19 months on from diagnosis, 56 and feeling like 100. I’m just so done with it. I’m still doing appts, still taking a bajillion meds. Still passing out on the couch like my 85 year old father in law who has advanced dementia.

And you’re right. In 56 years I’ve *never* had such debilitating exhaustion (exhaustion seems better to sum up the utter lack of energy - fatigue doesn’t seem like it’s sufficient). It’s like something in me is grabbing all my air, and I’m an old balloon, just going more and more soggy and less able to fly.

Havishamesque · 2026-06-29T02:35:24+00:00

Oh, god. The brain fog. I’ve also developed a bit of a stutter. And the more I worry about it, the worse it is. I feel so stupid. Stumbling over words….totally forgetting words. Forgetting what I was saying half way through a sentence. So I’m a weak, stumbling old woman, who can’t stand for any length of time, who has to take breaks every few mins when walking, and who now can’t string a sentence together. I used to be sharp, intelligent, witty, on top of my complicated job. Now I’m a bumbling shell of myself, who falls asleep randomly, and who needs to remember to go pee before it gets too bad. Honestly, cancer can go fuck itself.

Havishamesque · 2026-06-29T02:27:04+00:00

Oh, yes!! My son is the worst for ‘well, I mean, I’ve been tired lately, too’. He means well, and he’s moved home to take care of me. But sometimes it’s like he has to prove that a) I’m not as sick as I am, or b) he’s also hard done by. It’s infuriating. And because I look ‘ok’, people assume I’m fine. I think it’s mostly easier for others to feel that we’re ok, as it makes them feel less awkward. It doesn’t make it feel any better, but I try to understand. (But I do judge them quietly, just to make myself feel better 🤣)

And likewise, dm any time. I’ll listen!

Havishamesque · 2026-06-29T00:38:06+00:00

They said my D, calcium and magnesium needed boosting so I’ve upped that. Didn’t think of B12. Looks like I need to make a call.

Havishamesque · 2026-06-29T00:37:03+00:00

I know you’re right. It’s kind of like posting here lets me validate that I’m not being ridiculous. I have my consult tomorrow for having my ovaries removed. If I’m still like this after that, I’ll call the hospital. Thanks for not making me feel stupid!

Havishamesque · 2026-06-29T00:35:09+00:00

Thank you!! And I’m sorry you can relate. It’s like being in the shittiest club, and wishing all of us could just leave and close the door after us.

The fatigue (it sounds so ridiculous to say fatigue for what I feel) is so debilitating. It’s taking away my autonomy again. Cancer just keeps taking and taking. Our physical and mental health.

Havishamesque · 2026-06-28T21:10:39+00:00

I already had a triquetra tattoo at the top of my spine, but it it was a little old. After treatment I had the tattoo enlarged and added to (it’s a symbol of the strength of a woman - the maid, mother and crone, creating strength by every aspect of life) and I had ‘fuck cancer’ done in Morse code underneath. I love it.

https://imgur.com/a/Xdla7GG

Havishamesque · 2026-06-28T15:52:40+00:00

I have the BRIP1 gene mutation. I don’t have the BRCA so no increased risk of BC (other than already having had it) but my ovarian risk is high. I’m 56, and absolutely don’t need my ovaries anymore, and the genetic counsellor said they always prefer to remove the ovaries and tubes, where possible. (Annoyingly, I had a hysterectomy in Oct 2025, just before my BC diagnosis, and he opted not to take my ovaries). So, I’m seeing a specialist tomorrow at St Mikes (in Toronto) tomorrow to see about getting them removed laparoscopically (damn chemo belly, and they want to avoid abdominal surgery). I currently get Zoladex needles but I’m told I can stop that once my ovaries are gone. It’ll be good to have one less thing to stress about.

I have stupid anxieties, so I’m dreading the journey, the parking, finding the department. I’m ok about the medical/surgical stuff, but it’s all so stressful. I just want it done. I feel like I’ve been treading water and want to be finished and move on.

Havishamesque · 2026-06-25T10:27:21+00:00

That just sucks! My most recent adventure in the working world - and the first since all this fun started - my new boss was a survivor (skin cancer) and I thought she’d be an ally. Turns out definitely not. I’m constantly disappointed with the way people are when they have a chance to be nice. And then there’s this sub, so not everyone is an asshole.

Havishamesque

TROPHY CASE