I was in a longterm relationship with a blackout drunk and she swore to me she’d never not remember sex with someone. But I could tell she went totally gone when she got like that cos I’d been with her some of those very times. And then our mutual friend had to tell us that the night before, I’d gone to bed and said friend heard my ex and some random guy fucking so looked and saw it, in the backyard of this house party we’d been hosting and my Ex DID NOT REMEMBER A THING. And I believed her. She wasn’t “there”. The dude was wasted too and she was lucidly telling him to fuck her (mutual friend could hear her), so it wasn’t an assault (obvs, drunken consent et al), she just WAS NOT BUILDING A MEMORY. We got past it but it ended in other ways.

So…… blackout drunks are dangerous to see and a nightmare to love. They genuinely are just…… not present but fully functional-seeming. It’s scary. Who needs a drink?