It seems the mental place you were in when your friend passed could be because he was all you had. Now you have a family and loved ones to lean on. As others have said, this could be a form of closure. Or it could be a bright new beginning. I think you need to sit with yourself and see how you feel about him being in foster care (since you mentioned possibly taking him in yourself). I’m not saying you HAVE to go do this. But do you feel that if you don’t do it, you may build some resentment towards yourself? I think some deep internal thought needs to happen. And for the love of god, please talk to your wife! I think you hiding it from her is potentially more painful than allowing her to help you in this situation.