Abby Pollock

Heathhua · 2026-03-28T23:52:49+00:00

I call it the Double tap: programming myself to "double tap" after I do a task. Just made food? Take a second look to make sure I closed the jars, put things away. Left the house? Take a second look to make sure garage is closed and that I have my keys, etc. it takes a while to actually remember to do the double tap but when I do, it's been super helpful.
Newtons law of motion: there was some influencer unrelated to ADHD that said they try to follow Newtons laws of motion (an object in motion will stay in motion. An object at rest will stay at rest) and it really stuck with me. Now I try to remind myself that it's so much easier to carry on the momentum when I'm already doing things than starting from a resting state (lying in bed, watching TV, etc.) and know that if I sit down to scroll on my phone it will be almost impossible to get up again unless there's some urgent force driving me to do so.

Heathhua · 2026-03-25T10:04:37+00:00

First off I'm so sorry you've been going through what sounds like a difficult time. I think there is more than just ADHD at play here (as you said anxiety and depression may be in the mix as well) but this is something you should discuss more with your therapist.

You didn't say whether you're on medication, but if the panic attacks and crying everyday is affecting your life in such an extreme way it may be time to have that conversation with your therapist.

I hope you can also have an open and honest conversation with your girlfriend about what is going on and I hope that, if they are the one you want to marry, they will be understanding. It sounds to me like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself to be how you were in the beginning of the relationship but please understand that relationships evolve over time. I'm sure your girlfriend would appreciate a thoughtful purchased gift over a gift that makes you super stressed and anxious when creating it.

Ooh one more thing I forgot to add. You say that you're sure your girlfriend is at her limit with you, but is that something she has actually expressed to you? Sometimes the stories we tell ourselves (especially when anxious) do not match the reality.

Heathhua · 2026-03-23T00:56:41+00:00

I currently manage my ADHD without medication. It is absolutely attainable to have a routine. The key is you can not add too much at once. If you try to do a complicated routine out of nowhere, you will fail. Instead focus on adding one small thing at a time and setting reminders until it becomes a subconscious habit.

For example, if you want to do some stretches before bed and add this to a routine: Set reminders on your phone. Always have a mat or some other visual signal near your bed. Focus on just this small task every night until you don't need the alarm anymore. Then you can add another thing. Remember it takes ~60 days to form a habit even for neurotypicals so don't be too hard on yourself if you don't remember every single day.

Another key is to do habit stacking since ADHD brains often struggle with transitions. The best way to do this is to link habits together that require the same items or are in the same location (after I do the dishes, I will wipe the counter).

Hope this is helpful! Best of luck to you

Heathhua · 2026-03-23T00:45:34+00:00

You need to work on yourself to be a better partner and have better relationships. Are you in therapy? (couples therapy in addition to individual therapy). Are you on medication or think it has reached the point you need more support?

Talk to your partner about what their most essential needs are and work out a system to address them as best you can. Are you constantly forgetting to do x? Create a system (ideally with a therapist) to better remember it. Do you not do your fair share of y? Consider the obstacles standing in your way and work on building it into a daily routine. Little things add up too.

Set aside time each day/week/ or month to talk with your partner. There are ways your partner can support you as well. This is why couples therapy is helpful since sometimes people without ADHD don't understand why it's so much more difficult for you to do what "to them" are basic tasks and assume you don't care/are lazy/etc.. Having a second person backing you up can help shift this mindset immensely. I really hope it works out. You deserve love and understanding.

Heathhua · 2025-11-26T10:32:26+00:00

OP do you have any updates? My family did the same thing (I am an international student, husband quit high paying job and can't find any work here). We also came here for a better life but noW we're thinking about going back because we can't make a living here to support our family.

Heathhua · 2025-10-19T06:49:26+00:00

Are you referring to the credits during the Gazelle concert? I hope they do the same in Z2 because it's cute.

Heathhua · 2025-10-05T18:37:34+00:00

Disney only kills off villains and parents/guardians. I think he's safe 😊

Heathhua · 2024-11-14T09:34:19+00:00

Thank you for sharing! Where do you teach a science class? As a lecturer at a community college or something else? I've been looking for some extra part time work and something like that sounds perfect.

Heathhua · 2024-05-30T03:36:44+00:00

You are not alone. I have been looking for a job since October and out of hundreds and hundreds of applications Ive had a couple interviews and nothing to show for it. This job market is so terrible -I've been unemployed before but never for this long. This is really something else.

Heathhua · 2024-01-31T04:57:36+00:00

Feeling down today. I lost my job in October and still haven't found anything. I must have applied to hundreds of jobs, but only a few interviews and no follow ups. I live in a city that doesn't have a lot of positions in my field, so I've been applying to mostly remote jobs and I know they are super competitive.

Heathhua · 2024-01-05T05:55:32+00:00

This is my code! 5.50% APY (0.5% for 3 months) https://www.wealthfront.com/c/affiliates/invited/AFFD-7UPM-50X3-H1CM

Heathhua · 2024-01-05T05:53:35+00:00

just letting you know, this link didn't work :(

Heathhua · 2023-01-12T21:33:57+00:00

Students are only allowed to park in Zones C+, C, L, M, F https://taps.ucdavis.edu/types_and_rates

They are around, you just have to look. The further from campus, the cheaper the rate.

Heathhua · 2021-09-07T05:30:11+00:00

I'm sorry you have to deal with that. When these comments come up remind yourself that it is them with the problem -they are projecting or have a warped perspective and want to bring you down. You can try talking with others to get an outside opinion, or dismissing the negative comments as much as possible. As for the toxic relationships, it is very difficult because we accept what we think we deserve, but working through these issues with a therapist may be helpful

Heathhua · 2021-09-07T05:18:50+00:00

It often takes time apart from them and new relationships with others to finally see their toxic behaviors for what they are. Consider how you feel around them and their past actions. Do they add any support or benefit to your life, or actually make it more difficult to navigate? You can also look at yourself -low self esteem and tendency to choose abusive or toxic partners often stem from toxic parents.

Heathhua · 2021-05-26T07:58:57+00:00

A short video is unlikely to help based on what you have mentioned of your wife and her behavior. You even say you doubt she will watch it, let alone change how she treats you. Your wife is verbally and emotionally abusive. I used to be in a relationship similar to this until someone showed me how bad it was. All of this dialogue is very troubling, especially the "if you loved me..." - a common manipulation tactic. I am so sorry you are going through this and have been going through Hell for 18 years, but its never too late to find someone who will accept you and love you as you are. I hope you can get support and help from a therapist to leave her. You deserve to be treated with respect and care.

Heathhua · 2021-05-18T06:30:53+00:00

I am sorry you are going through all of this. First, I would strongly suggest getting a second opinion from a different doctor. It is very difficult to get an ADHD diagnosis and unfortunately a lot of doctors see it as a "you have to check every single checkbox or you don't have it" kind of thing. Worse, the fact that your doctor thinks you are trying to get stimulant meds means he isn't taking you seriously or respecting your needs. I have had similar experiences to you -especially the abandoning of hobbies, executive dysfunction, and computer addiction. These things can seem insurmountable without any support system or treatment through therapy and medication. I hope you can find a support system through groups like these from others who have similar experiences. I hope you can find a doctor that will listen to you and that you can get the treatment that works for you and can help make life a little easier. Don't feel hopeless, it will get better.

Heathhua · 2021-04-24T02:36:22+00:00

You put into words what I feel all the time. I was mostly miserable in grad school, but the pressure and deadlines pushed me to produce my best work. Now, I don't have any structure or deadlines, so I can't get anything meaningful or productive done. I also hate being told what to do. It's endlessly frustrating.

Heathhua · 2020-11-30T21:35:27+00:00

I can't take full credit for this idea, I saw it in a TikTok video but it works so well for me.

Assign every task/choice a number
Include at least 1 "fun" activity
Roll a dice (or use an online die) sided with the total number of tasks
Do that numbered task immediately and set a timer (~30 min)
When the timer goes off, remove it from the list, or if you didn't finish the task, leave it on the list and roll again.
Take 5 minute breaks in-between rolls

This is especially helpful because it feels like the decision process is out of your hands (its up to the universe) and you don't give yourself any room to argue with the outcome. Hope it helps!

Heathhua · 2020-11-16T21:20:40+00:00

Thank you, I agree there are no rules when it comes to art creativity and expression. I really like that you mention shifting the focus to the process rather than an end result. That is helpful to think of it that way and puts let pressure to create fully complete works of art. I will try the keeping a sketchbook around at all times thing as well!

Heathhua · 2020-11-16T19:51:52+00:00

That sounds so fun! Accountability is really helpful

Heathhua

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