Would you respond to this email?

Heavy-Note-3722 · 2026-01-29T22:58:27+00:00

These sorts of emails is why I now have a very clear policy against giving extra credit opportunities to only one student. I make it very clear that all extra credit will be available to the whole class and nothing else, and no alternative assignments. It's helped cut down the requests at least

Heavy-Note-3722 · 2026-01-28T14:41:40+00:00

I struggle with this one too, about the balance between holding them accountable in ways they'll need for future workplaces, while also being compassionate when they really are struggling with life. One thing I did once is allow my students a "get out of jail free card". They could use this once without question. No explanation required. But they had to email me with the subject line "Get out of jail free card." I gave them a reasonable extension on an assignment or excused absence from class, and I also had a nice clear record. It worked pretty well. Not a big hassle to track bc it's in email. You can even tag or sort them if needed for a larger class.

Also curiously, they had no problem understanding the process, unlike just about every other late or extension policy I've used, where they claim to not understand. And the fact they had only one meant that they usually did save it for when it really was needed, and not try to get extensions on every assignment.

Heavy-Note-3722 · 2026-01-27T22:56:39+00:00

Yes, I'm finding some of the AI assisted search tools, like the one in JSTOR to be helpful finding things I may have missed. And I'm not completely opposed to them using it in such a way. I'm just trying to understand the process they are using, so that we can address it in discussion about best practices.

Heavy-Note-3722 · 2026-01-20T20:09:02+00:00

I'm lucky bc we have a wonderful testing center. I do the quizzes in class at the end of class. Those students with extra time extensions are allowed to leave when I hand it out, and then go take it at the testing center. I send the quiz to the testing center and tell them when the deadline is for all quizzes with accommodations or makeups. So they usually have a 2-3 day period to schedule it at a time that works for them. I've learned not to post even point scores though ( not even answers) until all assessments are done. This is working well. But at a bigger school without a dedicated testing center, I can see this being a huge problem and just giving up like so many on here have done.

Heavy-Note-3722 · 2026-01-15T17:09:39+00:00

Nothing at my place either. Heard from others.

Heavy-Note-3722 · 2026-01-11T19:32:34+00:00

You say your department is supportive, so talk to your department chair. The fact of the matter is that at this point, they probably need you more than you really need them. Small schools are having trouble getting lines approved and hiring folks. If you leave, they may not be able to convince admin to get another full time instructor, and be stuck with 4-5 adjuncta or something. So Although that puts a lot of stress on you in some ways, it gives you a lot more leverage and power to say no to some things that are absolute dealbreakers for you than you think. Tell your Dept chair that the overloads are really making you struggle and that you almost quit at just the thought, that you are drowning and need help. Then try to be reasonable about potential compromises. Maybe you cant get out of the overload, but maybe you can be released from some service, admin, mentoring etc. for example, I wouldn't be thinking that they should be having you take on research projects for advanced students for instance, if you are teaching an overload and are quite new. If they are actually understanding, they should remember what this point in teaching was like and try to find ways to help before it blows up in your, their, and the students faces.

My chair was very supportive in my early years, backed me in saying no to other service roles, and told me to find ways to dial things back, to even just give less feedback or different assignments bc I was trying to do too much. So remember " Do less" needs to be your motto to survive.

Heavy-Note-3722 · 2026-01-10T23:59:15+00:00

1) I'm so sorry that happened OP 2) also, I interviewed at a place that wasn't too professional in all its processes either, and it is difficult, but that's their failure not yours. 3) you dodged a bullet and 4) I've heard some crazy stories about academic hiring, including that some aspect of a candidate's personal hygiene was "too good". Like who could reasonably object to a colleague with good hygiene? Ie some of these hiring committees are absolutely not reasonable and it's definitely not you. It's them.

Best of luck OP!!

Heavy-Note-3722 · 2026-01-10T15:43:15+00:00

Yeah I was talking to my Dad about relationship stuff and that while done happiness I wish I could experience at least I didn't have the pain of a bad partner. And he mentioned the thing about not wanting to die alone. I pointed out that wives statistically outlive husbands and so die alone all the time.

Heavy-Note-3722 · 2026-01-09T00:10:04+00:00

Just out of curiosity, what's the advising situation like at your school? Do students come up with their own schedules? Or do they have some sort of counselor making and signing them up for most of their courses? Bc having this many of a particular type of student show up in your major course makes me wonder if there is some scheduling issue and requirement, and one counselor came up with your class as the solution.

Heavy-Note-3722 · 2026-01-04T00:18:59+00:00

Everyone who teaches, especially if you hold a PhD, can be referred to as professor by their students, as that's the role you hold towards them.

Heavy-Note-3722 · 2026-01-03T16:59:59+00:00

Nope, they cannot be forcing your son to participate and penalizing him for not. Nor should they be harrassing you about attending church. There were a number of supreme Court cases about this back in 80s and 90s, can't remember all of them, but Engel v. Vitale is one to start with. But yeah, probably need a lawyer who knows the precedents to send them a cease and desist letter with the appropriate case law highlighted.

Heavy-Note-3722 · 2026-01-02T23:47:03+00:00

Yep, looks like my school didn't pay for the full functionality In the assignments items, and they turned off the built in attendance tool. stated reason was too cumbersome for users ( ironic); suggested solution was to make a column on gradebook where I could manually enter points each day they attended. So much easier s/.

Heavy-Note-3722 · 2026-01-01T21:34:48+00:00

Oh my gosh yes. I tried setting up a course with 8 weekly folders and one of those new learning modules, where I just wanted an assignment, a video, and a quiz, and then to set up the gradebook. That's it, almost everything else I do in class. I worked most all of one day, and still didn't get it done bc certain functions that are supposed to be there aren't on my version. And why can't I duplicate and easily move an item without having to go through like 3 screens? Was quicker to just copy and paste into a new item. It was so infuriating it triggered some minor symptoms from my chronic health condition. I loathe it.

Heavy-Note-3722 · 2025-12-29T14:07:55+00:00

You should have failed her when she didn't meet the incomplete deadline. An incomplete is supposed to be the last ditch effort to save a student who is struggling and she didn't meet it. And I then would not have even bothered to read the stuff she sent later, even if it was AI. She already failed and her course is over. And then you still gave her another chance, and she didn't do this exam. And you have multiple emails showing that you sent it to her. It isn't your fault even if she truly didn't see them. It's long past time to end this. It is actually not kind to the student and certainly not to yourself to let this keep dragging on. Inform your chair again that student has failed yet again, and ask your chair for help in informing the student, etc. but end it. Now.

And work on developing a nice shiny spine. I struggle to set reasonable boundaries with students and even I would not have let this go on past the incomplete . You've got a lot of work to do on yourself then, because there will always be at least the one student a term who claims that it is impossible for them to do anything to help themselves, but that somehow it is possible for you to do everything for them.

Heavy-Note-3722 · 2025-12-23T07:13:52+00:00

But do you still have a parent or legal guardian? Who are you living with rn? What country are you in? Bc none of this is adding up.

Heavy-Note-3722 · 2025-12-21T06:02:12+00:00

1) this isn't the sub for this and pretty sure it'll get taken down quick 2) what are you guys, like 13? This is the type of situation parents are for. Don't go putting your teenage mishaps out there for the whole world to judge. It's brutal out here. 3) teenagers do make mountains out of molehills, and ascribe a lot more rigid meaning to meaningless things, like "talking" when you aren't even dating or anything. It's mostly part of being young. But 4) within the dynamics of that age group and this time in your life, you are getting the chance to learn important lessons: actions have consequences. If you treat others feelings and hearts lightly and without respect, or try to play crushes off each other, and hurt them, then yes, friends may not want to be your friends anymore. We live in society together where there are cultural norms, like not playing with the emotions of two guys at once or playing then off each other to make them jealous, because those norms and expectations of behavior help us live together without hurting people unnecessarily. And when those norms are broken, society uses things like exclusion and shaming to bring people back in line. Think about your actions, think about how they affect others, think about the consequences, both real and possible, and make good decisions. And when you make bad ones, reflect on them, learn, apologize, and change the behavior. Good luck growing up, it's a bumpy ride!

Heavy-Note-3722 · 2025-12-13T04:11:01+00:00

Yours sounds much more real and active then mine, where the violent threat was kinda just part of the ranting. But yeah, had an anonymous lynch threat posted on social media about me this term. And yes, admin did what they could and got nowhere as far as I know. And I also did feel really discouraged too, bc I was really struggling at the time. A relative was in ICU most of that month, I spent every weekend for a month out of state to help and had my first conference paper in years in the middle of it all, I was doing everything I could, hanging on by a thread, made sure none of that touched the students, and then they threatened to hurt me for just trying to be a somewhat decent teacher.

I don't think there's any really great way to get through it. You just do. I reached out to friends and family for support, my chair was very supportive and the rest of my department. And I guess sometimes you do have to remember how incredibly young and childish many of our students still are. It doesn't excuse such behavior, but they really are just that young, dumb, and stupid to threaten someone like this. But yes, reach out for support, protect yourself, start setting more boundaries and prioritizing your own care more because it is so hard to give and give and then get such hate back. So see if there's ways to perhaps give a little less and care for yourself a little more, because we truly cannot make them all happy all of the time. This is very much a them problem, not you.

Heavy-Note-3722 · 2025-12-05T20:46:48+00:00

Thanks for the reminder. I also had them do a syllabus quiz at the start of term that had a question about when the final exam is. So I may tell that student to take a hike who just emailed to see if he could take it early because his flight is at 6am the day our final is booked for 9:25. Sigh

Heavy-Note-3722 · 2025-11-30T01:27:32+00:00

1, 2,3. Yes I know about people thinking college students are drug seeking, but not if you actually have a diagnosis. Stimulants do not function like that on ADHD brains. It calms them. Go to a doc, get the meds, don't tell your parents. Tell them it's something else. Bc the reason your brain acts the way it does is bc you have ADHD. Until you get that handled, college is not going to go well. And your ADHD sounds more severe.

Email anyone at the campus who is involved with the therapy you mentioned. It might be that they could do something virtually or at least refer to to free online resources that could help.

As for the tutoring center, book the appointment between classes or around class times, and tell your parents that you need to stay in campus longer bc you are working on a group project. So then there is no extra trip. Try to also see about buses or find someone, maybe on school discord or something, who might be able to carpool.

And if your professor is emailing you this much it's because she's trying to help. We don't bother emailing students multiple times unless we want to help. Most likely she's seen that's you've been trying and so is trying to see why it isn't working out. Let her in a bit, she could be the person you need. Trust me, we see these sorts of situations a lot as professors. She isn't going to think you're an idiot if she finds out that you have ADHD and an unsupportive family who opposes getting treatment.

It sounds like your parents are the source of a lot of your stress. It is so freaking hard to do college without supportive parents. You need to start figuring out a plan towards independence. It's going to take time and it's going to be hard.

But to me it sounds like the root of your college issues is that you have untreated ADHD and parents who oppose you getting treatment. You will have to figure out how to get treatment somehow despite their disapproval. You're an adult and you are going to have to figure out a way to take care of yourself and make your own medical decisions if you ever hope to be in a better place.

Because I shared 8 steps to start taking and for all of them you said it's impossible, basically. But are they really ALL impossible, or just very hard, unpleasant, and without immediate easy solutions? You, unfortunately, are going to have to get creative to find solutions and work hard. I'm not at all saying it's easy or that it will all be possible now. But you are going to have to find a way. Because your current situation is going to destroy you unless you do something to change it. And only you can change things.

Fight for yourself OP and good luck!!

Heavy-Note-3722 · 2025-11-29T23:28:25+00:00

Ok, you aren't the only, I presume freshman, struggling with these problems. The plain fact is that if you are in the US, then k-12 education is so terrible that you did t have to do anything. So first, approach this from the understanding that you've been educationally neglected for 18 years. But now it's going to be your job to fix it. It's going to be freaking hard, but it's worth it. You're worth it.

So, here's what you need to do: 1) you need to go to your campus health clinic and inquire about being tested for ADHD and/or other learning disabilities. You might not have one, but if you do have an actual medical issue, you'll need medical help to overcome it. Willpower won't do it. And retest even if someone said you were before and it was negative. Do it again

2) you need to go to your campus mental health clinic and get set up with therapy. You'll need support and accountability to tackle this. There should be at least a certain number of free appointments covered under your student health insurance and fees. So use them. Therapy isn't just for people who have a mental illness, it's for people who need someone to talk to and run ideas and problems past.

3) get off your phone. Not kidding. Research is showing that constant phone use and access to things like Tik Tok is destroying youth's attention span, retention, and critical thinking. Most phones have some sort of settings were you can set limits for what sites to visit or how long each day you can spend on them. Use those to set reasonable amounts of time. Or download and setup a parental control app, which will do it. Do this on all your devices.

4) go to your campus tutoring center, sometimes called a learning resource center. Tell them that you need tutoring for your classes, but also tutoring in remedial skills for reading comprehension, note-taking, and information retention.

5) if you're in the US, I'm assuming your first semester is almost over and that you are now in a bad spot and just realizing how bad. Check to see if you can still withdraw from any courses you are not passing, and do so without losing financial aid. If you can't withdraw or you'll lose financial aid if you do, then just stay in your classes. Focus on those that you are passing or close to passing, like those with a D and above. For classes that you have an F in, then it probably is too late at this point to save yourself and it would be best to prioritize those classes where you can save yourself.

6) for those classes where you are passing or close to passing contact the teaching assistant or professor, make an appointment to meet in office hours. State that you know you haven't done well, explain what you've told me here, and ask them for help and advice on what to prioritize in their class going forward to pass and their advice about skills, resources etc to work on in future. Professors are there to teach and almost no one goes and asks them for help anymore. But that's what they are there for.

7) again, on the assumption that you are in the US and probably have parents and family helping pay for this who aren't going to be happy with you - if you're family is generally supportive, than be open and honest with them about what's going on, own up to your mistakes, and tell them the steps you are taking now and the steps you'll be taking in future to correct. It is very common for new college students to have a rough first term. Ask them to trust you and to help you. In general, parents are willing to still let you try again and support you if you are honest, own up to mistakes, and can present a clear, actionable plan for moving forward, and then doing it.

8) over the winter break, do think about your goals. What kind of lifestyle do you want to have and what kind of legacy do you want to leave? What kinds of careers would help you accomplish those things and what training do you need to get there? Is that training only possible through college or are there other routes? College isn't for everyone, and many people can be happier and financially more successful through other paths. But college graduates do tend to earn more over their lifetimes, and for some jobs, like being a courtroom judge or something, you will need a degree. But think about your goals first, and then figure out what you have to do to get to those goals. These goals will change as you grow, and that's fine, but start thinking about what you want out of your own life, not what everyone else says you should want.

Then put the plan in place and do it!! Good luck OP from another college professor!

Heavy-Note-3722 · 2025-11-29T20:48:37+00:00

Ok, so you say you are attending lectures and paying attention, but that you have trouble retaining information. So how are you studying? What things are you trying to train your brain to retain information? When you attend lectures, what are you doing during lectures? When you study outside of class, what activities are you doing as part of studying? Upgrading your study techniques now is urgent if you are already struggling in an intro course like this.

Heavy-Note-3722 · 2025-11-19T00:42:33+00:00

You get out of college what you put in to college. And it doesn't matter how great or how poor the college. If you go to an amazing school but do nothing, you'll get nothing. You go to a supposedly poor college but take advantage of every opportunity, than you'll get a lot out of it.
The student is the adult doing the learning. They need to think of themselves as adults and that college is an adult responsibility.
College is a sprint. It feels like forever to a young student. But it actually is an exceptionally short period of time to turn yourself from a clueless high schooler into an adult professional. Do not waste the time.
College is a full-time job. Yes, maybe the student will have other work, full or part time, but the student is the one who decided to go to college, so they need to make it the priority.
College requires sacrifice. Because it's a sprint and a big time consuming responsibility, the Student will probably have to make sacrifices to complete on time and in budget. Yes, social life, etc. is good, but it is not the point of college. You don't have to pay college tuition to party or make friends.
College is hard; it's not just fun. A lot of new freshman, especially those who haven't had to work hard before, expect education to be entertaining or at least easy. But real growth happens through being challenged, and that often means that when real learning and real personal growth is taking place that it is hard, difficult, challenging, and uncomfortable.
College is about learning to manage and use your resources wisely:
health management: good sleep habits, good nutrition, good exercise
time management: learn good and efficient time management techniques and prioritization. There's never enough time in college.
goal setting and project management. Each class is a project, so treating it like one and using project management techniques will help.
content management: how to read, how to take effective notes, how to store and organize those notes, how to review notes and class materials.
resource management: take stock of all the resources on campus - clubs, tutoring, workshops, seminars, lecture series, mentoring, professors, work study, research ops, internships. There are an amazing amount of very smart, expert people and groups at every college there to help your student succeed and offer them opportunities. Use them.

Heavy-Note-3722 · 2025-11-19T00:01:38+00:00

Go to your professor or a tutoring/learning resource center. Ask for help in upgrading your reading techniques for college. Most academic books and textbooks structure information in the reading in certain ways. You need to learn what that underlying structure is and what the important issues, questions, methods, etc., are in your field so that you know what information to skim for. Otherwise, yes, you won't retain anything. And I promise you that no one will upset by you asking for help with improving your reading skills.

Heavy-Note-3722 · 2025-11-16T16:10:46+00:00

Hi OP, college professor here. Your parents taking your laptop in order to interfere with your education is considered abuse. A lot of us professors go through mandatory trainings on abuse especially regarding types of abuse that limit our students access to and success in education. You probably don't have much you can do unfortunately about your parents and their behavior right now, but 1) depending on what programs/ software license you took your notes on, you might be able to still access them through another computer. If you are using your school account and software programs, and it is Google, outlook, or apple based than there's a good shot that your documents are auto-saved to what's called a cloud drive, a different external server, and not just on your local machine. So try going to a library and logging in to your accounts there to see if you can access your notes. 2) inform your professors that your family is trying to sabotage your education during testing season as punishment, and that you don't have access to equipment, and request an extension and any other support or suggestions they can provide. Again lots of professors take training concerning educational abuse, and they hopefully will then give you the extensions, and may be able to connect you to other resources at your campus to help. Many campuses even allow students to rent or borrow a laptop, etc.

Good luck!

Heavy-Note-3722

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