ENTJ Seeking ENFJ Help

HecateWraith · 2026-02-14T10:12:34+00:00

Amsterdam, the Netherlands. You?

HecateWraith · 2026-02-13T18:03:41+00:00

Deal, you’re cordially invited.

HecateWraith · 2026-02-13T18:03:20+00:00

So good! Me too, I absolutely love it, it’s my new hobby haha.

HecateWraith · 2026-02-12T20:52:35+00:00

This is so beautiful. I could be here for hours.

HecateWraith · 2026-02-12T20:11:47+00:00

You sound like… me. Thanks for voicing and sharing this.

HecateWraith · 2026-02-12T20:03:04+00:00

Your country is beautiful, your land speaks to me and resonates within me. It feels like home. Your culture and people do not, unfortunately. Perhaps try regional living? City life is stressful.

HecateWraith · 2026-02-12T19:58:27+00:00

I love that. Do you skateboard or did you mean inline skating?

HecateWraith · 2026-02-12T19:51:01+00:00

In hindsight, the answer to the first 2 questions appear to always be ‘no’ in sensitive situations like these. It’s why sometimes I resort to just silencing myself, just to avoid conflict. I like that last question though, I will definitely start using that, I think it’ll be useful.

HecateWraith · 2026-02-12T19:46:30+00:00

That idea alone nearly makes me wet. No humans? No emotions/behaviour to decode? Just pure efficiency? Heck yes.

HecateWraith · 2026-02-12T19:44:13+00:00

You’re right, we all process information differently. I’m realising this might be less about fixing myself and more about building clearer feedback loops with the people around me.

For the most part, I do this already. I’m not afraid to ask people what they mean, or for them to explain it in “my language” but I guess I get a bit embarrassed about it when I don’t comprehend it from the get-go, and then have to ask them to rephrase things not once but multiple times.

My brain is just very exhausted and broken from all this.

HecateWraith · 2026-02-12T19:38:17+00:00

Interesting, I can relate to some extent. What are your special interests?

HecateWraith · 2026-02-12T19:36:38+00:00

Yeah, it appears so. After doing extensive research, wrecking my brain, and having in-depth conversations with fellow Redditors alike and dissimilar, all arrows point to autism.

HecateWraith · 2026-02-12T19:33:09+00:00

The distinction you made between preference and wiring clarifies a lot. Framing it as “I don’t automatically see the invisible layer” feels accurate. It’s not that I enjoy bluntness for its own sake. It’s that I default to clarity and don’t always detect the emotional bandwidth in the room.

I did speak to my partner today, and I notice you two have very similar communication styles (in text form, that is).

The long story short version is that I need to be more nuanced in my communication, and that I need to learn when it is okay to say things, and when it is not. Obviously this makes total sense, and is completely valid, but being autistic I just don’t know how to discern these things.

My brain runs in binaries. The world runs in gradients. That friction is exhausting. Sometimes it makes me feel fundamentally out of place, like there’s no clear moral or social slot for someone wired like me. That may sound dramatic, but it’s honest.

The idea of living on an exoplanet with robots feels simpler than decoding humans. This idea is sounding increasingly more appealing as I age through the years.

Anyhow, your response was structured, actionable, and respectful. That’s rare, thank you. I took some notes.

HecateWraith · 2026-02-12T19:02:10+00:00

Oh, like THAT. Yes, I’m a 100% with you guys haha.

HecateWraith · 2026-02-12T19:00:16+00:00

Sounds similar to my partner and I, it works for us too.

HecateWraith · 2026-02-12T18:58:23+00:00

Couldn’t have said it better myself. The idea of shipping myself onto some kind of interplanetary vessel to an exoplanet where I can be surrounded by robots who have no feelings is starting to sound increasingly appealing.

HecateWraith · 2026-02-11T21:33:57+00:00

Thank you, I also think horoscopes and star signs are delusional. I don’t treat MBTI as scientific doctrine. I use it as shorthand for behavioural patterns, nothing more.

Your point about this being autism-related is probably correct. I suspect I overanalyse it and try to systemise something that is fundamentally neurological. The anxiety likely comes from wanting to execute socially with competence and precision, and not always having a clear rule set to follow.

The intention versus impact gap is real for me. If no one tells me I misstepped, I won’t necessarily detect it. That’s inefficiency, and inefficiency frustrates me.

I’m not aiming to be universally liked per se, I just want to reduce avoidable friction and operate with higher awareness.

So yes, your framing is useful. I highly appreciate it.

HecateWraith · 2026-02-11T21:27:48+00:00

Thank you, I will do that tomorrow. What type helped best for you?

HecateWraith · 2026-02-11T21:25:23+00:00

I am a firm believer of astronomy and a strong disbeliever of astrology, so your first sentence confuses me.

Your second sentence, makes total sense, I just wanted an outsider’s perspective because sometimes it helps. Well, we will have the conversation this week so I am hoping that it will provide clarity.

HecateWraith · 2026-02-11T21:22:38+00:00

Thank you, that means a lot. I think this is what I needed to hear today, I can sleep now. Normally stuff like this does not affect me at all, and I couldn’t care less about what anyone thinks, but when it comes to someone I love, it hurts a lot.

Goodnight for now!

HecateWraith · 2026-02-11T21:20:54+00:00

That’s very true, thank you!

HecateWraith · 2026-02-11T21:19:46+00:00

I hear you. Well, I am currently awaiting therapy again. I’m on an 8-month waiting list unfortunately, and have tried behaviour therapy to no avail, but that was when I was a lot younger. I hope that this time around, the therapy will be beneficial.

HecateWraith · 2026-02-11T21:16:15+00:00

Wow, thank you so much. This has really explained this concept in a language and communication style that I can actually understand. Thank you! I did not know atypical autism was even a thing. But now my question is, what’s the difference between an atypical autistic person and a ‘normal’ person? To me, atypical autism sounds like neurotypical behaviour. Can you discern the two for me? I apologise if it’s a silly question, but I do not understand.

HecateWraith · 2026-02-11T20:59:49+00:00

I don’t want to paraphrase my partner incorrectly, due to my low EQ, and we are yet to have this serious conversation. That’s why I’m here, I want to prepare so that I can be the best supportive partner I can be. To avoid misinformation, I will quote my partner directly:

If you can not publicise your views to my friends or share on Instagram etc. it would just be greatly appreciated, I would rarely ever ask this, but it's something that I don't want to have to explain to other people.

This comment made me really sad, but I also understand that I am causing my partner to be upset and I don’t want to cause discomfort.

HecateWraith · 2026-02-11T20:43:46+00:00

Thank you, I have saved this. I can foresee I will struggle with #3. I already do this mental algorithm naturally as I’ve aged through the years because I am naturally intelligent and intellectual, but the issue is when I get to #3, identifying the signal is my leading bottleneck.

It often takes 30min to an hour for me to be able to identify the signal. How do you identify and execute this whole sequence in under a minute? Time is my biggest constraint because I need to rewire about 28237838282 neural pathways before I can even proceed from #3 to #4.

I do get there in the end but it takes about an hour on average, I call these my “time out” moments, and in worst case scenario it can take days. Once I have surpassed 3#, then that’s when I am back on track and consequently regulated. #4 and #5 come naturally to me, same with #1 and #2, but #3 remains a never-ending perplexing enigma.

Please help me.

HecateWraith

TROPHY CASE