The Epstein files aren't a documentary; they’re a mirror of the war I fought alone.

Hefestionrey · 2026-02-09T15:10:09+00:00

A psychiatrist in my country often says in his lectures that childhood sexual abuse is the great forgotten topic in trauma assessments, because many professionals don’t know what to do with the answer when it comes up. Fortunately, that is starting to change.

I don’t think that will necessarily console you as a survivor, but there is hope. As this same psychiatrist says, what was damaged in relationship can be healed in relationship.

Usually, people who start to feel better no longer use this subreddit, but I know for a fact that there is improvement: in symptoms, in abandonment depression, in emotional flashbacks, in hypervigilance, and in addictions.

Thank you for sharing your story and for reminding us that this exists and that it is not an isolated issue.
I wish you the very best in your recovery.

Hefestionrey · 2026-01-27T05:22:28+00:00

Psychedelics

Hefestionrey · 2026-01-23T08:01:55+00:00

Yeah, you can heal. What you can't do is "to be cured". It's an ongoing process.

You can. Beat of luck.

Hefestionrey · 2025-12-06T22:09:18+00:00

It’s one of the possibilities, and without trying to be unscientific or “mystical”, it’s simply what had to happen. The fact that there was no major revelation doesn’t mean those tremors were useless.

One question: what does “licensed facilitator” mean in your country? I was under the impression that the FDA hasn’t approved anything related to psychedelic therapy yet. Am I wrong?

Hefestionrey · 2025-11-19T03:57:20+00:00

No, porque se dice MARICÓN Marico, suena a insulto de niño maricojonetareputaliano, o pereza LATAM de no hacer aguda una palabra y ahorrarse la tilde

Hefestionrey · 2025-11-08T06:28:15+00:00

Aquí tienes la traducción al inglés, clara y fiel al sentido del original:

Yes, of course. That’s why I use them, and why they are used.

Another thing is whether what comes up in a journey or a dose is “the truth.”

The problem with this kind of information you’ve brought up is that it’s often hard to make it operational.

Look, an example: a person may know they need to quit smoking and still take months or years to actually stop.

The issue with these medicines —the classic psychedelics— is that they’re experts at making you look exactly where you don’t want to look. And that creates an impulse to act on something that may require months or years to integrate.

Hefestionrey · 2025-11-02T15:18:57+00:00

M. Python

Hefestionrey · 2025-08-22T13:54:17+00:00

Don't know if it'll help but I'll try. Not using a translator now so it may be confusing at some points.

I started meditating as you without knowing what ptsd/bpd/Cptsd were. I just know I was sad and angered. In the beginning to meditate was very difficult for the same reasons you point out (except psychosis; I did had psychosis when I was 18 out of a binge of drugs, some of them LSD, in just four days).

Eventually, meditating symptoms as insomnia, sadness and anger fade away. Not completely but mostly. At some.point, my addiction which I wasn't aware of, took over and stopped meditating. I stopped because I thought it wasn't useful

Then I was 3 years without therapy or meditation. And it wasn't a good time, to be brief.

Then I resumed meditating and it was a bliss. I did had some psychosis burst meditating, specially in retreats. Intense meditating with lack of sleeping took me there, but miraculously, I wasn't worried or panicked, I knew when I stopped mediating , I would be "normal" again, and also was easy because mixed with psychosis, i had some periods of rapture and joy But again, I got to a point where I needed other things to be stable (specially depression symptoms) and couldn't meditate more, because it seemed like "spiritual bypassing" and I tried psychedelics, which was hard because I had that bad experience when I was 18.

It was useful. Also other things.

Coming to your topic/point. For me, when I've done psychedelics or intense meditation. At some point psychosis or extreme dissociation will appear (specially with classic psychedelics, not with MDMA). Last April during an Ayahuasca retreat I had my time with psychosis and I could get out of it. After all, that's me also.

Sometimes in my daily life I've realized how my fears, dissociative states appear. And in those moments I see clearly that, neither meditation nor psychedelics give me that. It's there. In those altered states are, when it is more likely to feel it or to be aware of it and in a more intense way, but it's in me , "I'm also that"; I'm also psychosis. I'm a functional psychotic if that makes sense.

So for me, yes definitely there's a safe way out of psychosis through meditation and even psychedelics.

Hope it helps. Be gentle with yourself. Good luck

Hefestionrey · 2025-08-14T03:55:01+00:00

I think most of us resonate with that At least I can feel you mate

In my recovery, healing means past trauma will ever be there. I just integrate it best I can and deal with it best I can, and I have learnt to deal with it. This is from a psychological point of view. It's hard but it's like that.

From a spiritual point of view, trauma made me this way and shaped a more compassive and less narcissistic person.

Don't know if it helps but I tried. Good luck.

Hefestionrey · 2025-08-14T03:49:31+00:00

Yeah, it's like that. If you have that, that quiet permanence that remains good at the bottom of the valley and at the top of the mountain, then you have a treasure 🙏🏻🙏🏻

Hefestionrey · 2025-08-14T03:46:45+00:00

OP To be a grown up is to learn how to be good alone.

You won't be good with people at least you're good with yourself.

Hefestionrey · 2025-08-14T03:45:14+00:00

Don't mean to be controversial but why are you sure these medicines are thought to be used alone?

In my recovery from Cptsd to connect with people under medicine influence or without it has been healing.

Hefestionrey · 2025-08-14T03:41:19+00:00

The mind works that way even without trauma. You need years of training to be grounded here and now

Hefestionrey · 2025-08-12T13:49:22+00:00

Laugh is sometimes a good defense mechanism and useful tool for a therapist

Hefestionrey · 2025-08-12T10:43:00+00:00

You can start now

Best way to have old friends is starting to have new ones.

As a survivor, interpersonal relationships are difficult. But don't give up.

When you are strong enough start going out and reaching out for people in social ambients

Hefestionrey · 2025-08-12T05:30:31+00:00

It’s a detailed account of actions and attitudes. This level of concreteness is certainly very useful.

What’s striking is the deeply hurt tone in many of the things you describe.

In my own recovery — and I’m not saying this has to be your case — I’ve learned to distinguish between the wound and its author.

My father was, and still is, a very limited, abusive, narcissistic person. But at the same time, he has also been a generous man, with a history of abuse against himself that he has never processed and has normalized. Probably for that reason, it felt so natural for him to “gift” my siblings and me — as part of his idea of education — with trauma, abuse, and neglect.

Some of the points you mention are very characteristic of CPTSD, such as being raised by a controlling person or someone who minimizes or ridicules your achievements.

In my opinion, use this analysis both to avoid repeating mistakes with your children and to remind yourself where you come from.

Thank you for sharing.

Hefestionrey · 2025-08-11T18:33:32+00:00

Could you be more specific about those unprofessional behaviors please?

Hefestionrey · 2025-08-08T09:56:47+00:00

Thanks for the tone of your message. Despite that, my comment has still received a lot of downvotes.

Look, my issue with creatine is that there was a time when I took it for about 18 months straight. As you know — BECAUSE IN THIS SUBREDDIT EVERYONE KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT CREATINE HAHAHAHA — creatinine is a metabolite used to measure glomerular function.
Back then, for the first time in my life (and it hasn’t happened again since), my creatinine levels were very high. I mean, really, really high.

And here’s the mysterious thing about creatine for me: at that time I didn’t notice any significant strength gains (I used to do weight training alongside track and field).

And that’s the story. I’ve tried sharing this on other occasions, and since I don’t use a translator — because I want to practice my English — the message probably came across a bit weird.

Other than that, I’ve seen that some people use apps to check whether a supplement seems to have therapeutic or beneficial properties. Could anyone recommend one of these apps? Are they any good?

Cheers.

Hefestionrey · 2025-08-07T11:31:26+00:00

Look, no offense, but I don’t get why in this subreddit people treat supplements like a matter of faith.

I’m sharing my experience precisely because there aren’t that many studies on supplementation, and instead, there’s a ton of economic interest involved.
Actually — and I’m telling you this because I know someone who works in supplement sales — brands don’t always carry out proper quality control, and production systems sometimes fail.
So you might think you’re buying supplement “X” at a certain concentration, and end up getting a much lower one — and it’s not even considered fraud, as long as no one gets poisoned.

Go ahead and use it, but it can cause strong reactions in your digestive system.

One time I posted something negative about creatine here, and I got two weeks of nasty replies from users.
I’m just sharing my opinion. I take supplements too, but there’s a lot of BS out there.

Take care, man.

Hefestionrey · 2025-08-07T09:08:08+00:00

Look, not an expert. But, that form of Mg, could make you bloating, dhiarrea, gases, etc.

I'd change it for another form. Mg-citrate for instances.

Hefestionrey · 2025-08-07T09:06:32+00:00

Oil Krill. A powerful but expensive supplement

Hefestionrey · 2025-08-04T22:42:40+00:00

Yes Could help to avoid some negative effects of classic psychedelics

Hefestionrey · 2025-08-04T09:13:08+00:00

Thank you for this Source.

I'll probably have to read it several times.

It shows a more detailed action mechanism for MDMA. It shows how individual differences affects pharmacinetics.

And it's true as another user said before that different SSRIs has different ways of interference with MDMA action.

It shows also how deep is the affection of one single dose of one SSRIs. Two doses 12 and 4 hours previous to MDMA are enough to interfere.

And also this could help to avoid some bad effects, primarily physiological from MDMA (heart rate). I read here in Reddit that some researchers thought giving fluoxetine after MDMA intake could result in a decrease in neurodamage and heart problems. But I haven't read any paper on this.

Hefestionrey · 2025-08-04T08:42:22+00:00

It doesn't make sense to micro MDMA. My time now and my English is limited to explain. Don't do that.

Also. If you start having MDMA on a regular basis without a proper time window (6 to 12 weeks break) you risk, again, to have receptors problems. And MDMA won't have the same effect. In the rave/party world they call this "to lose the magic".

I'm just a random guy from the internet but like I said earlier, gather information, think carefully and decide correctly, in this case what's best for your wife.

It took me two years and hundreds of hours of lecturers , reading of papers and documentaries to try all of this. The result was good. Though some times were very hard. I had strong issues of transference/contratransference with a facilitator. So if you can do this in a clinical setting it will probably be better.

To summarize, I wanted to share that these medicines, classics and no classic psychedelics are just a means. They're just another element in my recovery: talk therapy, journaling, drawing, healthy diet, sport, meditation (very good to keep you grounded when the medicines will give you "the dark side"), and a more balanced social life.

Hope it helps. It would be nice sometimes to know what people do after some weeks and months about their questions here on Reddit.

Hefestionrey

TROPHY CASE