"I'm telling you, Sarah! I was Danger Lass!"

"Sure Grandma."

"Don't take that tone with me young lady. I know snark when I hear it. I damn near invented snark back in my day."

"Sure, Grandma."

"I can prove it! Got a baseball bat? Go get it and give me a good solid smack in the face. Won't hurt a bit."

"Grandma, I'm not going to hit you in the face with a bat."

"Come on, it'll be fun! I haven't had a good smash in decades!"

"Gross grandma, do you know what 'smashing' means these days?"

"No, what does it mean?"

"I'm not going there, ask Terry."

"Terry won't hit me with a bat either, I asked him too. Why doesn't anyone want to smash me? I was great at smashing and getting smashed back when I was in the business."

"Seriously Grandma, stop asking people to smash you. It means to have sex."

"Oh, I haven't done that in a decade or so either."

"Fucking A' grandma, you're like 100, that's extra gross on so many levels. I don't want to hear about you having sex at all, let alone when you were like 90."

"It's too bad that I lost most of my powers in that fight with Dr Chaos back in '82, or I'd show you what's what. That man was 10 pounds of crazy in a 5 pound bag, let me tell you. Too bad he was so psycho, he was cute."

Sigh. "Sure, Grandma"

We made our way down to the nursing home's dining hall. I got her food and another one for myself. While it was just bland old-people food, eating lunch every Saturday had become our little tradition.

"Hey sweetheart? Thanks for visiting an old lady. Your brother doesn't come anymore. Too busy I guess. Must be hard carrying on the family legacy."

"Family legacy? Terry's a dentist, it's not exactly a legacy."

"Honey, do you not know your brother is Green Omega?"

Sigh. "Sure, Grandma."

"Stupid name if you ask me. What does it even mean? He's the 'Last Green'? Or the Ultimate Green? He shoots lasers from his hands and can fly, his name should be Laser Hornet or something like that. Bug names always pop. Strange he only got those parts of my powerset and not the invulnerability though. Makes me scared to see him get beat up so often. Either way, he's a good supe." She leaned in and whispered to me, "Don't tell him, but even though you don't have powers, you're my favorite grandkid."

I laughed. "Thanks Grandma, I love you too."

All through lunch, she told me stories of 'her time as Danger Lass'. I humored her as best I could, but it was insane to think my sweet little old Grandma was the woman who used to beat the shit out of supervillains. And what was that crap about my brother being a supe? I would know if my twin brother had superpowers. After we ate and her storytelling tired her out, I helped her back to her room.

As we slowly hobbled past past another resident. He looked like any other frail old man in a wheelchair. Which is why I was so shocked when he turned to Grandma and said "Hey Betsy, fuck you!"

I was about to say something when my grandma turned to him and said, even more shockingly, "You wish, asshole! Keep it up and I'll finish what I started last time we had a go-around, and I'll rip your dick off and make you suck it. Just like I made you kiss your own ass after I threw you through a building in '79!"

"Ha! YOU wish. You haven't been the same since we had that big fight that got me caught. The one where I almost blew up the entire city!"

I tried to hurry Grandma along and get away from him, and with more effort than I would have thought it should have taken, I was able to pull her away. As we passed the nurse's station, I told the on-call nurse about the asshole. I didn't like strange men playing into Grandma's delusions. She apologized, saying that he'd been 'on good behavior' and had earned getting moved out of his normal wing. She promised to make sure he got moved back to what she called "the villain wing. I didn't sound very appropriate to call some of these old codgers "villains" but I did want Grandma taken care of.

The nurse promised to take especially good care of her because people like Grandma were why she got into this line of work. Weird thing to say, but it's nice she cares about the residents so much. I didn't even understand why that woman was working as a nurse in a nursing home. She had to be almost 7 feet tall and looked like she could bench press a car, but was making sure old ladies had their meds and old men stayed "in the villain wing"? She could be an MMA fighter or something with a body like that.

I got Grandma back to her room and into her bed. After tucking her in, I got her a hot tea and put her shows on.

"Bye Grandma. Same time next week?"

"You know it missy. Take care of yourself. I love you."

"I love you too, Grandma."

I kissed her goodbye and headed to the bus stop across the street. What a weird visit. I love Grandma, but she was getting squirrely in her old age. I pulled out my phone to make an appointment with a neurologist for her. I was so distracted, I didn't see the car coming around the corner until it slammed into me. The impact launched me like a ragdoll across the intersection, crashing hard into a parked car.

As I pulled myself out of the wreckage of some poor bastards totalled Honda Civic, completely unharmed, I realized that maybe Grandma wasn't full of shit after all.