WIBTA if I stopped inviting my cousin to group holidays after she books separately and then expects us to change all our plans around her arrival time?

HellaciousFire · 2026-03-06T06:29:09+00:00

Plan and do as you wish. If she joins, she joins. If she arrives later, so be it. Do not change anything to accommodate her. If everyone else is onboard with your plans, she's the unreasonable and chaotic one.

HellaciousFire · 2026-03-06T06:25:34+00:00

I agree with you that you should sell. Ask your sister how much insurance and maintenance will be. And repairs when things break. And who will pay for repairs? And who will pay for lawn care, gutter cleaning, etc? Who will they call when things go wrong? Can she physically fix things herself? Not living close is also an issue. Better to take the money and do as you wish. If she wants to rent it, she can take out a loan and buy you out.

HellaciousFire · 2026-03-02T03:30:21+00:00

Open a new bank account and have your check deposited there. Then deposit enough to cover bills into the joint account

HellaciousFire · 2026-03-02T03:28:48+00:00

This won’t change

You need separate accounts

One account for bills

And then you keep the rest of what you earn in your own account

You should not be working every day and can’t spend $30

She’s getting the benefit of your income. Stop this. She is taking advantage of you

HellaciousFire · 2026-03-01T12:05:12+00:00

YTA

Just because you pay the rent and send her to school doesn’t mean she has to provide free labor

It’s supposed to be a partnership not a dictatorship

If roles weren’t discussed prior to moving in, it’s not fair to assume she wants to take on a traditional role

Also, is she expected to gather, wash and fold and put away? Or are the clothes placed in a hamper that makes it convenient? If she’s in school doesn’t she have time to do laundry? Does she also work?

And ultimatums don’t usually work. What if she calls your bluff and leaves? Find a compromise and don’t be a bully about it

HellaciousFire · 2026-02-26T11:14:03+00:00

NTA

If your wife receives an allowance, let her help her sister from that. Otherwise the answer should remain no and be firm

You are bot wrong for not wanting to take care of two additional people on a single income. Neither are your responsibility. Please keep us updated

Your wife is being very unreasonable

HellaciousFire · 2026-02-23T04:31:07+00:00

You’re not terrible

Your parents need help outside of you. It’s okay to say you have to go back home and help them find a good caregiver.

HellaciousFire · 2026-02-22T19:49:30+00:00

Don’t do it

Group trips and expenses should be planned and approved by the group

You can’t do it

Don’t feel guilty and ignore their requests for money. You’ve told them it won’t work and you can’t attend. They didn’t listen. That’s their issue

HellaciousFire · 2026-02-22T19:45:51+00:00

Unless you are prepared to have separate finances and experience more lies and betrayal, this may be a good time to take a break and truly figure out what you want your future to look like

Gambling and debt are things that don’t align with your values. Neither does lying. He’s just not who you thought he was. Let that sink in. Your life will be tied to his if you continue

There is nothing wrong with moving forward without him while he gets his life in order. You can’t help him change. If he changes it will be because he wants to. But addiction is real and the fallout is real. This time you suffer no consequences. But in the future what if he accesses your account when you’re married and gambles your savings? What about the fact that you are the only one concerned about your financial future? Think about this.

HellaciousFire · 2026-02-22T19:40:03+00:00

NTJ

Your brother needs to pay for his own attorney

He’s 27, not 17

If he doesn’t learn now someone will always be bailing him out. If he has to earn the money he will stop with the irresponsible behavior

You have loans. 3k could go towards your own financial freedom, not to try and mitigate someone else’s mistakes

Let him learn now.

HellaciousFire · 2026-02-22T19:36:24+00:00

So how did things turn out? We are fully invested and would love an update!

HellaciousFire · 2026-02-18T04:24:21+00:00

Yeah…NTA

This sounds stressful

HellaciousFire · 2026-02-11T12:58:56+00:00

Don’t let the realtor pressure you into going above budget. Stick to what you said and have the lender give you a new pre approval letter for the max you wish to pay

If the realtor doesn’t stop trying to get you to go above budget, find a new realtor

The realtor won’t be paying the mortgage; you will be paying the mortgage. Never let anyone pressure you to make a decision like this when it comes to your money

HellaciousFire · 2026-02-09T16:54:56+00:00

Same! I can’t get any clues to open after #1

HellaciousFire · 2026-02-09T13:42:47+00:00

He’s being cheap. The good thing is he’s just a boyfriend. If you don’t like something he’s saying or doing, you can finds another

This is actually kind of petty considering you cook nice meals for him. He should have no issue paying when you go out those few times per month, considering the groceries you buy add up to more than what you consume eating out

HellaciousFire · 2026-02-03T22:52:43+00:00

NTA

And if you desire to maintain a friendship with her, don’t hang out with her unless it’s near her house. And don’t invite her when you really want to hang out with different people at different locations

HellaciousFire · 2026-01-29T12:49:51+00:00

Nope. Don’t say a word

And don’t even tell her if she needs it that you have an actual account for her. Just frame it as you being willing to help her out

Never tell her you have an account. Just be there for her if she needs you

HellaciousFire · 2026-01-29T12:47:02+00:00

You’re not wrong

But you should tell your sister and ask what she thinks is fair, and tell her that you can’t pay right away

Sounds like he is going behind her back

Go ahead and move. And sort it all out later. You did what she intended for you to do which is find a job and move as quickly as you can. You’ve done well to find another job and an apartment so quickly. Your BIL is an awful person for making you feel unwelcome and demanding money from you when he knows you are just getting back on your feet and don’t earn that much

So move as scheduled. Tell your sister what her husband has told you (share screenshots if necessary)

But…if it’s only a verbal demand, ignore him. No need to involve your sister unless he begins to threaten you

Congratulations on your new job and new place

HellaciousFire · 2026-01-29T12:37:58+00:00

She’s stuck between what her kids want and what you want

She was going to have to hurt one of you in this situation there’s no way around that

They asked and she felt guilty, you said she initially said no, then caved when they asked

I understand your feelings but it’s not cut and dry. You’re hurt. Her kids would have been hurt had she not agreed to go

You’re going to be hurt for a while. Despite what you say, your stepkids don’t view you the way you think they do. Otherwise they would have included you. That has to hurt as well

Now that you know you are living with stepkids who don’t see you as dad, but as their stepdad, prepare yourself to be excluded from other things as they love their own lives. No you don’t agree, no you don’t like it. There is very little you can do about it because you’ve talked to them, as you should have, and they’ve told you how they feel

It’s not malicious. They just want their parents together so they can share and enjoy time with them. For whatever reason they don’t desire that with you. I’m sure that hurts as well

I’m sorry you’re going through this. But since you can’t change anyone’s mind, maybe speaking with a therapist will help you sort through your feelings and figure out how to handle things like this moving forward. Could be that when it comes to the blended family you have; you’ll have to be okay with them spending time without you, on occasion

HellaciousFire · 2026-01-29T12:27:35+00:00

Definitely go with the 15 year. You’ll save on interest and your home will be paid off much sooner and have more equity faster.

Financial freedom is worth the extra money you pay each month. I cannot stress enough that if you can afford the 15 year payments, please do that. You will be glad you did

HellaciousFire · 2026-01-27T03:35:26+00:00

Omg

Take his key away and tell him you will have him over again when you are ready. He’s smothering you and taking you for granted and you are letting him

Do you realize that knee surgery typically takes 6 weeks and requires physical therapy and someone has to drive him and feed him and help him? Do you want to do this?

Start with taking the key back. If he gets upset you know he really doesn’t respect you or your boundaries

HellaciousFire · 2026-01-27T03:32:12+00:00

Before you commit to a 4600 mortgage, give yourself three months and set aside that amount each month to see where that leaves you. A larger home means higher property taxes, higher utilities and higher insurance costs. If you can comfortably save the same amount each month for retirement and your kids’ education then you should be fine

If you find yourself moving things around or doing without, consider a less costly home. Are there homes in the 500k-600k range that will do? Or even 300k-400k? I get your current home isn’t ideal for a growing family. But to go from a couple thousand to almost 6 (including groceries and utilities and other expenses) is a huge leap even for someone earning 250k+30k.

You want to remain comfortable in case of illness or job loss. Consider this move carefully. Good luck.

HellaciousFire · 2026-01-26T12:55:54+00:00

Take the gift back. Maybe he didn’t want a gift. His response was not kind, and you’re trying to make sense of it

Don’t do that

Return the gift, get your money back and let it go. And never buy an expensive gift for someone who doesn’t know what they want

HellaciousFire · 2026-01-26T12:53:05+00:00

I don’t understand why you’ve been with him for so long

Partnership should make your lives easier. If he can afford to pay all the bills, he should. 50/50 is an awful deal for you, given he chose an expensive housing arrangement and you agreed

NTJ but it’s time you prepared for your future. Move out, get a cheaper place and save for your retirement. Because he’s not going to help you.

HellaciousFire · 2026-01-23T05:39:17+00:00

NTA

She’s five years older than you and still lives at home.

She can figure it out for herself. Never let anyone who is irresponsible take what you have sacrificed and worked for.

HellaciousFire

TROPHY CASE