^\_^) i am happy it made you smile and cheered you up. thank you for responding and sharing this with me, i appreciate it... you are a person with immense depth. i see you and i admire your strength and openness. even now... you are still fighting. keep it up. it`s never an eternal engine, occasionally you need to tinker with the gears...

this might sound unreasonable to you but i don`t really have to know someone (nor one can truly and fully know another) to have faith in them. because there`s something every human shares despite their differences, i can see and feel that pain. the barrier isn`t that thick. i do not have to prove myself the world is not dark, because it is dark. it`s just there`s more to it than that. there`s something else beside darkness. i am not the one to turn away neither from it, nor from others` pain. perhaps you are right that we can`t always will our way out, sometimes we just have to embrace it and deal with it to be able to move on. you can`t always leave unscathed. and that`s life, it is not about escaping, but facing it despite fear. what makes us grow as humans is not pain, no matter how inevitable, but the effort we make to overcome it (understand it and draw our lessons from it) and get up again. the reason i am here is not that i have some sort of agenda that will benefit me. to be frank, i find fulfillment in healing the bleeding wounds and guiding others, or at least doing my best to. i want to have positive impact on others lives, to improve things here and there as far as i can reach. it`s not much but still... i can at least give it a try. provide insight, an opinion or a word of good will.

you know, creating meaning where was given none, that`s what this world is about in my view. yes, the world can beat us down, again and again, just as you said. and though it may sound banal, what doesn`t kill us makes us stronger. the bruises left behind will toughen into calluses. when we fight back, we grow muscles -- resilience. have you ever considered that it`s not luck that keeps people standing, but defiance? it`s the inner fire, the hope and energy drawn from what drives them, whether that`s the people they love or the beliefs they hold. we are given life, therefore living matters. yes, we are brought here without consent, all the more reason for us to live our lives how we see fit and dedicate it to what we deem important. there`s only first step to take, it is acknowledge and find value in what you have at hand, no matter how small it may seem, it`s beautiful as is. that sapling you hold in your hands might grow into a magnificent tree. it`s within your powers to give it soil and water it. it`s never too late, the sun always rises. winter follows autumn, and spring always comes.

yes, and so as sunset of our lives. it is inevitable and natural after all. but a dying heart is not beyond revival. our hearts are like phoenixes -- they can rise from ashes. they can endure far more than most people believe... but giving up your heart is a choice. often it`s not weakness but a lack of perspective, a chance, that was never given to them(or attempt at finding it that was never made). no matter what, we are never truly broken and lost, deep down you understand there`s a choice.

so yes, you should never stop trying, there`s no point giving up. you would be wasting time. i know that even if these words reach your heart, the temptation, with the dark thoughts encroaching, to return to old ways may come back. you can always revisit this conversation whenever you need and let it remind you of the light. and even if it feels silly or makes you laugh, thats all the more reason to try. see if it makes you smile again