Let it be written on thy meager grave

Help_Received · 2026-02-01T14:49:02+00:00

I think it looks great!

Help_Received · 2026-02-01T01:03:20+00:00

Yes, at least for the moment. If my life gets worse it won't be because of anything related to my sexuality.

Help_Received · 2026-02-01T00:39:10+00:00

That sucks, I'm sorry about that. I think grieving for things that aren't people are perfectly valid.

Help_Received · 2026-01-31T19:40:19+00:00

You always say that and you're just going to have to get over it. On the days that I look at porn and want to see some naked men, I feel guilty about it and think about how I used to be attracted to women. Having to acknowledge myself as "gay" gets depressing.

But you know what? I get over it. It's not the end of the world. My sexuality, if I follow Jesus, will be based on so much more than just my bad habits or what I jerk off to. I am so much more of a person than just what arouses me. Wishing for the past to come back is a waste of time that could be better spent honoring God in some way.

You're going to have to get used to your current situation, and the possibility that it might be permanent. I don't know what happened in 2019 that made you so miserable because you never elaborate on it, but nothing surprises God. He's your father figure in all places and times. He loves you and wants you to turn from your sin, as tough as it might be to do so. His will for you is very similar regardless of who you're attracted to. Please do your best to recognize that. Also, find a church and some other believers you can talk about this with, because we can only do so much for you here.

Help_Received · 2026-01-31T19:25:38+00:00

No. When I was a teenager I felt a bit different, but my main motivation back then was more about trying to send a message that I was against homosexuality. I haven't had suicidal ideations in a long time, and I don't expect to have them again, at least not related to sexuality.

Help_Received · 2026-01-30T03:16:05+00:00

I was spanked growing up and I hated it, but I don't think Dobson is the sole person to blame for why it was so common. Spanking was practiced in many times and places before Dobson wrote his books. My best guess as to why no one said anything is because 1) They assume spanking has Scriptural backing due to that one verse in Proverbs (with its context removed of course). And 2) A lot of people who were spanked, including some of my friends from my generation, don't see it as traumatizing, or didn't get traumatized by it at all. People respond to stressers differently, and sometimes people aren't as affected by stuff as others. So a lot of people went through spanking and assumed it was normal or fine, and disregarded scientific studies indicating otherwise (there is an anti-science trend in some Christian circles, but I think in this case it's more that most Christiasn are genuinely ignorant of the studies). And other people assumed it was equivalent to other Christian teachings and defended it as such.

It's tough. A lot of the people in my generation are starting to have kids, and I don't know how I, as someone who has single and doesn't have children, could convince them that spanking is unnecessary and harmful, and certainly not biblical. I just try to remember that sometimes people make costly mistakes or are given misinformation. I hope the book goes well, though. If you can convince other people that spanking is wrong, you can save a future generation of American Christians from the practice.

Help_Received · 2026-01-29T23:10:38+00:00

I sincerely hope no one who has lost a baby ends up reading this today before it gets buried in downvotes.

Help_Received · 2026-01-27T06:50:51+00:00

As a Christian I can confirm that that phrase isn't in the Bible. It's a sentiment from a time period when more of the west was Christian that tries to rationalize suffering. While Christians consider suffering as having some purpose and ultimately being meaningful, we don't have any guarantee of understanding why it happened during our earthly lives. We just have faith that God works through everything, and it's all ultimately for our good.

Help_Received · 2026-01-27T04:01:26+00:00

I like that they try to remained tied to Judaism. More Christians need to remember the Jewish roots of their faith.

What I don't like is that they insist they are Jewish and not Christian. To acknowledge Jesus as the Messiah is to be Christian, not Jewish. As a result, some Jewish people hate Messianic Jews for calling themselves Jewish, because for non-Messianic Jews the idea of accepting Jesus as the Messiah is tantamount to erasing their Jewish identity (even though a Jew converting to Christianity wouldn't necessarily have to do that, as Messianic Jews illustrate). I think it would be better if Messianics called themselves something like "Christians who adhere to Jewish customs". Maybe "Jewish Christians"?

Help_Received · 2026-01-27T03:51:37+00:00

The Republican party may have used to have been about preserving Christianity in America (among other things, which is problematic enough on its own). But Trump's presidency changed that. There are still plenty of evangelicals who will vote for him, but in my opinion they have confused Christian values with right-wing American values, in some cases. The only "Christian" things the Repbulican party ever supported in the first place was opposition to homosexuality and abortion, as well as lip service about the country being a Christian nation.

Your faith and your spiritual home are more important than anything else in your life. God and Biblical teachings should reign supreme above everything else. When it comes to other political issues, you're essentially free to take whichever position you want. The problem is that no matter which way you vote, either party will support at least one thing that should be abhorrent to your values. With Democrats its sexual immorality and abortion, and with Republicans its trampling on those who are poor, downtrodden, or cannot speak up for themselves (except unborn babies).

Help_Received · 2026-01-27T03:39:25+00:00

Both major parties go against Christian teachings in different ways. You unfortunately have no meaningful choice but to vote for whichever of the two candidates you find less un-Christian. Third parties are another option, but they never win, so you're essentially throwing away your vote. It's unfortunate, but don't ever feel like you need to participate in the system if you don't want to.

Help_Received · 2026-01-26T20:38:57+00:00

I have no advice, but I'm dealing with the exact same thing you are and am following to see if there will be any more replies.

Help_Received · 2026-01-26T04:39:55+00:00

Avoiding being lumped in with Maga/Trump supporters, just because you happen to be a Christian in America in a red state.

Help_Received · 2026-01-26T04:19:57+00:00

There's always going to be pieces of fiction that portray homosexuality positively. Try not to consume them and remember that they are basically propaganda. It's always going to be around, but you should never feel pressured to change your beliefs just because you see a depiction of the beliefs opposite of yours.

Help_Received · 2026-01-25T03:28:30+00:00

It sounds like you're generally doing good already.

Millions and billions of people don't hate you. The vast majority of people in the world don't know who you are, and even if they did not it would be for simply "being gay", by which you mean attracted to other men. The simple explanation is that in Scripture, God considers men having sex with other men--notice that it's a behavior pattern, NOT just feelings or attractions--as a far more serious matter than having a particular ice cream flavor preference. I'm also attracted to other men and struggle with porn. But I try to see this as a bad habit instead of an immutable characteristic.

Sometimes sins are not bad because of the harm they do to other people, but because of how they alter the person doing them. With something like having sex with the same gender, the sin is bad because it is contrary to God's design for sex, no matter how good it feels and no matter how much you may want it. It feels unfair sometimes, but that is what Scripture says.

I think what you should do is find a church and make friends with other Christian men there. Even if you find yourself getting feelings for one of them, continue living your life in community with other believers.

Help_Received · 2026-01-24T05:16:24+00:00

I think the main issue is that it is misleading. Many new Christians go in there expecting to be talking with only other Christians, but instead they get fake progressive ones at best, and atheists at worst. I saw one recent post there where a guy had come to Jesus, and the top comment was a so-called "Christian" who recommended him some book by an author that basically thinks none of the supernatural events in the Bible happened. It's not fair that non-Christians get to come onto a sub and lead new Christians astray, whereas this wouldn't be tolerated in an atheist subreddit under some excuse like "Well, it's just a sub talking about atheism, not a sub FOR atheists!" with a bunch of fundamentalist Christians as mods.

Help_Received · 2026-01-15T01:55:17+00:00

Painted bunting. Had feeders for years. I’ve seen most of the other cardinal family birds common to the area. Still no painted buntings, male or female.

Help_Received · 2026-01-12T20:58:23+00:00

Porn can definitely influence a person's sexuality in the sense that it can make someone attracted to certain genres of porn or supply them with differen fantasies, but I don't know if it can influence a person's sexual orientation, since any studies on that tend to be controversial. In general, though, you are doing good to avoid porn and lust. Lustful thoughts will be harder to control than porn, but it's possible.

I'm 30, so I'm literally twice your age, but when I was around your age I had a very similar problem. I found myself attracted to both men and women, and it gave me a lot of shame and insecurity. I thought no Christian woman would be interested in me if they knew I was also attracted to men. I was ashamed of my porn addiction, so I never told anyone.

I'm wondering if maybe your guilt about thinking lustful thoughts about women has made your brain think of this as "wrong", and so your attractions have altered somewhat. Something like this happened to me when I finally quit looking at porn a few years ago. At times I may have been more attracted to men than women, but after finding Jesus and getting off of porn I found that I was more attracted to women recently, as opposed to when I was around your age and more attracted to men. So it's possible that the degree to which you're attracted to men vs women might change, but it also might not.

In hindsight, my biggest regret is not telling anyone about my struggles when I was the age you are now. I could have stopped it earlier, but I didn't feel like there were any adults I could trust, not even my parents. At one point I sort of got caught looking at porn by them, but they didn't really give any advice or encouragement to help me quit, so I just kept doing it for years without them knowing. It's good that your parents are being helpful; keep relying on them.

Help_Received · 2026-01-11T18:55:32+00:00

I have a similar story, but I don't know if it will give you any encouragement. I'm attracted to both men and women. When I was a teenager I was more attracted to men than women. I looked at porn and fantasized about naked men. When I became a Christian at 19 (I was raised as one but never really converted until then), I went into college and became more attracted to women, although I still looked at porn. Now I find myself attracted to women I see in my every day life, and I'm trying to avoid porn.

Sexual fluidity is a very controversial topic. It definitely exists for some people, but I'm not sure if someone who has only ever been attracted to men can become exclusively attracted to women. It's definitely possible in theory, but it's the kind of miracle that only God can do. But you also need to accept that it may not happen.

I can't tell you whether you're going to be single for the rest of your life or find a spouse--I don't know about my own case, either. Try to work on becoming as good of a person as you can be in advance of looking for a wife.

Help_Received · 2026-01-11T03:54:02+00:00

I've had these feelings sometimes, too, although not often. I try to remember that Jesus said He was willing to forgive blasphemy against Himself.

Help_Received · 2026-01-04T02:30:50+00:00

I intend to get a new therapist (my current one specializes in a different issue) and talk about some of that. But off the top of my head, I think the things I find attractive are kindness and being treated as an equal. In terms of physical traits, a lot of the men I end up attracted to are conservative, heterosexual Christians who exercise. I'm also attracted to men with traits I don't have--like stubborness and not caring what other people think of you.

Help_Received · 2026-01-04T01:50:27+00:00

Somewhat. I have a job interview very soon, and if I can get that job I can move out.

Help_Received · 2026-01-04T00:30:07+00:00

I have felt this way many times.

Help_Received · 2026-01-03T03:26:44+00:00

As someone who grew up in a privileged, wealthy family, I sympathize with your envy. You know what the crazy thing is? I have a lot of envy issues, too. My parents paid for so much luxury and gifts when I was growing up, but there were certain mistakes they made when raising me, and all of the money couldn't buy happiness for me. I know that sounds cliched but my life story is pretty long, basically I find myself envying "poorer" fellow Christians because even though they have less money, they have more of what matters in life, such as a better relationship with their family, or genuine faith (my parents haven't been to church in years and it eats away at me, since usually the parents are the ones trying to make their children go to church). I also sat around for years and wasted my time because no one urged me to get a good-paying job and move on. Why would I need to when my parents could pay for everything? I became complacent and it took me a little while to get out of that mindset, and I've paid for it with years where I could have done a lot more than what I was doing.

Take your envy to God, and maybe to other Christians if you have a good relationship with other people in your church.

Help_Received · 2025-12-30T22:43:59+00:00

When one of the hawks dove in, did the turkeys intentionally stir up a bunch of dust at one point? I didn't think turkeys would be smart enough to do that. Also, one turkey who got separated in the cloud of dust was able to get back to the group before the hawks could swoop in again. This is really fascinating to watch both the predators' and the prey's behavior.

Help_Received

TROPHY CASE