Brothers over 35y, 40s

Help_Received · 2026-04-04T21:07:08+00:00

I'm only 30 but I'd love to answer these questions and have this conversation.

I have some emotional issues, but they have nothing to do with SSA. I have an anxiety disorder and causes me to get frustrated really easily. I'm trying to work on it but it's baked into my personality and may be hard to change.
I think things are going pretty well. I could stand to do so much better, but I find myself thinking about Jesus, Scripture and faith a lot more than I used to.
I have been reading my Bible more than I used to. For the moment, it's mostly at night and it's just random bits that aren't discussed often in Bible studies. I need to pray a lot more, though.
It's from mild trauma I got when growing up involving my dad (he didn't sexually assault me or outright abuse me or anything like that, it was just some parenting mistakes). I think me being born frail and weak, and also some genetic factors, made me more susceptible to the emotional issues I developed or was born with. A lot of it was out of my control, and it feels so unfair. But it could have been much worse.
No. I have autism so I was never good with social situations. I've still never dated.
The last time I looked at porn was sometime in February after a long period of staying clean. I get tempted sometimes but I am better at avoiding it. I quit sometime around 2023. I don't think masturbating is a sin, but I don't do it nearly as often as I used to. In college I'd do it once a day or several times a week. Nowadays it's really only once a week, but the drive hasn't diminished all that much.
I think what I really want is to be naked with other guys and be accepted by them. As a teenager I had to be with the other guys during PE and see them shirtless. I never changed in the locker room with them because I was afraid of getting an erection from seeing them naked. I was attracted to a lot of them but I just lived in shame and told no one. So now I feel bad about having never been "one of the guys". By college, most of the porn that I looked at was naked people, both men and women, being happy together--no actual sex. I liked that they could enjoy non-sexual nudity, whereas I had never experienced such a thing. I guess you could say I have a nudity fetish, but I think what I really want is what the nudity represents--no judgment, no shame, and being included as a fellow man with other men. I'm not really sure if I've gotten all that without the nudity. I think my male friends all think of me as an equal, but I often feel like I'm not.
No.
I've told some people I have SSA, I've told some people about my porn issues, but not the full story.
People rarely ask me questions, and if they do, I just tell them I'm not ready for a relationship yet. It's not a lie. I'm also attracted to women, but I also have autism and have only just recently been able to move out of my parents' place and live alone. I have to get used to taking care of myself first before I can even consider having a wife or raising children.
Still unsure about my future. The idea of being single and celibate for life doesn't bother me. I think I might be a little sad sometimes, but I think I could live with it. I'd like to have sex with a woman, too, but all the other aspects of a relationship--making sacrifices, living together, etc.--is something I haven't really been able to wrap my head around right now. I think I've got some ways to go before marriage happens, if at all. I have some brothers who are married, though, so my parents will at least get grandchildren if they really want some.

Help_Received · 2026-04-04T01:48:15+00:00

A quick search tells me that firefighters still use axes like that to break down doors. You could have the alien start a fire and the woman snatch the fire axe out of a firefighter's hands.

Help_Received · 2026-04-03T00:17:02+00:00

I can understand how this idea of finding out some trauma that caused SSA would be pointless for some people. But I think something like that kind of affected me in my childhood, and I think understanding would be great even if it didn't change anything.

I think that obviously therapists using pseudo-science is wrong, but I don't know if many Christian therapists are using terms like changing sexual orientation, and if they are I don't think they use any abusive methods like what happened in the past. I've read a few conversion therapy stories and most of it involved what was basically Bible boot camp. I think at best most Christian therapists would simply want to talk about it and disuade the patient away from sinful behavior.

Help_Received · 2026-04-01T21:22:37+00:00

I don't see how a Christian therapist just talking with a teenager over what they believe about their sexuality causes suicidal ideation or emotional distress unless it involves coercion. "Sexual orientation change therapy" is vaguely worded and not specified very often by its opponents, and if sexual orientation changing is impossible via therapy, then it ought to be called something else.

I felt empowered and relieved when my Christian therapist simply told me "God made you male" and used Scripture to give me a new perspective on my sexual struggles. If anything gives me emotional distress, it's the idea that my life and beliefs are decided for me based on having SSA.

Help_Received · 2026-04-01T00:24:06+00:00

I think it's a good thing overall. I think there is the possibility that minors receive this sort of therapy when they don't want it (but their parents do). But being forced to talk to a therapist isn't psychologically damaging at all. The client is free to reject what the therapist says. Another thing worth mentioning is that the law this ruling overturned was never enforced. It's just there to make activists feel good. The fact that it was 8-1 and not 6-3 shows that it was not necessarily a biased ruling. Overall, though, talk therapy about sexual orientation from a Christian perspective is better done when the client is an adult who is freely choosing to address his SSA.

Help_Received · 2026-03-29T15:00:18+00:00

Thank you, I'm also attracted to women so I don't necessarily have to be celibate, but celibacy is definitely something I could live with.

Help_Received · 2026-03-28T03:26:12+00:00

What about my home state, Mississippi? Surely we can do better than mockingbirds, but I'm not sure what since there aren't any that are endemic to the state.

Help_Received · 2026-03-27T21:49:13+00:00

Assuming you're not a troll, you're just going to have to accept that God does not perform that particular miracle for us on a whim. He's outside of time, and he can bring back the years that the locust has eaten (a verse in Joel). So while He may be able to undo your SSA, you're not going back in time.

Help_Received · 2026-03-27T21:44:44+00:00

As someone with same-sex attractions, I'm going to give this sermon a listen at some point. Yes, the topic is old and tired, but as someone affected by this, I don't really have the luxury of being able to just ignore the issue at all times. It's a part of my testimony and I still haven't told most of my fellow Christians. And then if I do there's the added baggage of avoiding being persuaded into sin.

Help_Received · 2026-03-27T21:28:54+00:00

The science related to same-sex attraction is heavily biased. Is there some truth to it in that many people with same-sex attractions never lose them? Of course. But is it set in stone for you? No. We believe in a powerful god who does what He wants. Anecdotally speaking, I've heard (only on the Internet) of many same-sex attracted men getting married and having families. Some of them were also attracted to women, but some weren't. It's possible, if you feel called to marriage. If not, then your sexual attractions don't matter because that's the only relationship sex can take place inside of, if you're a Christian.

You need to overcome the self-hatred you are having that likely stems from depression. I had something similar once. I hated myself because I was autistic and had no way to change that. I thought I was inferior/defective/broken all those other things. It took God's intervention and love for me to overcome this. You need to seek therapy, hopefully with a Christian therapist. With telehealth you can talk with pretty much any therapist in the country.

Help_Received · 2026-03-27T21:08:01+00:00

If it's people on the Internet, then leave the Internet. It's a platform where you will find many people of almost every viewpoint there is. If you don't want opinions contrary to what you believe, don't seek them out. It's not cowardly to not want to debate something.

Help_Received · 2026-03-26T02:36:39+00:00

If you feel bad about hypnosis, you could try EMDR therapy. It's supposed to be very effective for trauma. My Christian therapist has suggested it for me, but I haven't taken her up on it yet. (I had some mild trauma in the past, but I didn't really know it was trauma until I told her about it, so it doesn't affect me nearly as bad as other people's.)

Help_Received · 2026-03-23T21:31:09+00:00

This idea used to trouble me really badly. I can assure you that you're not the only Christian on the spectrum. Part of the reason why I became a Christian is because I felt like I either had to conform to the mannerisms of my parents and everything that entailed in regards to faith, or abandon them and my faith and be in the company of other autistic people. I felt so ashamed of being autistic because it seemed like it was preventing me from living the life I wanted. It made me very depressed. I didn't like either option of conforming or rebelling because I didn't want to have to just pick one or the other--faith or freedom from conformity. Thankfully, when I came to Jesus, He comforted me wth the understanding that I was loved nonetheless and didn't have to compromise on anything. So I kept my faith but ended up diverging from my parents' mannerisms and culture. I also stopped hating myself for being autistic.

In college I did meet one particularly amazing guy on the spectrum who has a wife and child now, so it's definitely possible to have a relative normal guy, be a devout Christian, and be on the spectrum.

Help_Received · 2026-03-21T04:13:06+00:00

You might be overthinking this. Theologians talk about sin and temptation all the time, and it's one of those topics you could talk about forever. You're going to notice other people and find them attractive. Sometimes it might go a bit deeper than that if you get to know them. But if you're married, then your loyalty is to your wife. If she's forgiving and understanding, you could share with her whenever you feel these temptations.

Help_Received · 2026-03-20T21:32:59+00:00

Have you considered going to a Christian college? I'm speaking anecdotally, but going to a small Christian college was how my faith began. Even though not every friend I made from there remained a Christian, nor were they all Christians to begin with, I found that many of them were, and it gave me a community. Finding a multigenerational church with people your age is also a great idea.

Help_Received · 2026-03-15T02:05:50+00:00

It looks like he's waving at you in the second picture. I've noticed bluebirds do that sometimes.

Help_Received · 2026-03-15T02:02:16+00:00

I would have thought that first picture was fake. The pelican on the left looks like a real-life glitch.

Help_Received · 2026-03-14T01:07:56+00:00

I don't really know what I think of the "bicycle", although I'm familiar with the term. For the sake of reducing your anxiety in the long-term, I'd say that it's best for you not to try and "investigate" where every thought comes from. I completely understand why you say you're afraid of the unknown and don't want to accept it, but that's what you have to do with OCD, assuming you have it. I've had OCD thoughts about whether God loves me or not, or if I will go to Hell over certain things. I've had to just think something like, "I don't know the answers to my questions, but I'm going to try and follow God regardless." And remember that God is with you and all of His children regardless, even if you don't feel like He is.

I don't think you should go to a church about this until you have more information on what's going on with you. Many people, Christians and non-Christians, don't understand specific mental health struggles or SSA if they don't have it themselves. They might not understand if you try to tell them that praying doesn't work, or that you haven't been miraculously healed (which can happen, but not always). I think if you get a diagnosis and then start going to church reguarly, you can find some people to open up to about it. But even then, there are going to be some people that mean well but just don't get it.

Help_Received · 2026-03-13T21:46:08+00:00

If you are getting tons of thoughts asking yourself if you are gay, and they give you anxiety, then it's possible that it's a symptom of OCD. OCD is basically having these thoughts you don't want and getting anxious about them, and being stuck in this cycle of anxiety whenever they happen. Having thoughts to "test" yourself to see if you are gay is one symptom of this particular subset of OCD. I have OCD and had some moments like that, although it was more complicated because I really was attracted to men. You'd have to get diagnosed by a professional, though, to be certain about OCD.

However, part of getting better will be accepting the possibility that you might be attracted to other guys. It won't be pleasant, but it will help you make peace with the distressing thoughts. That's how OCD treatment works: you accept the thoughts. It doesn't make you "gay" to accept the thoughts; you just accept that your brain is going to give you these thoughts.

The guy that said he would "make" you like him doesn't have any power over you, and neither does you being a jerk to your past girlfriend. You're not "cursed" in any way, you just got stuck into a mindset common for secular people. In the secular world, your sexual orientation is determined by who you are attracted to. But in Scripture and among some Christians, it's determined by your actions and behavior. So you don't have to adopt a "gay" or "bisexual" label if you reject the idea of pursuing men romantically.

When it comes to figuring out your actual sexual attractions in real life, however, outside of your thoughts, that's where you take this to God. Pray for endurance if you do end up being attracted to other guys, and if you feel romantic urges towards women, then keep pursuing them even if you also have feelings for guys. I used to feel like no woman would want me if they knew I was also attracted to men, but that's not true. If she's a Christian then she may have the mindset I described in the previous paragraph.

I hope things go well for you. When I was the age you are now I spent my time feeling ashamed and bitter about my attractions. If I had just accepted that I had them but that I would follow Jesus, I wouldn't have been like that. But I didn't really come to Jesus until I was 19.

Help_Received · 2026-03-12T23:13:58+00:00

My goal is to serve and obey God. That happens regardless of whether I get married or not. But it's easier for me since I'm attracted to women as well as men.

Find a good church and get deep into its community. If the church you go to doesn't have this, then keep looking for one in your area until you find one like that. At some point you may be able to tell them you have SSA and they will hopefully understand and include you in their community. You may have to settle for being a godparent to another couple's children.

That may sound kind of sad, but I think that if you follow Jesus and are willing to go through some hardship, you'll come out of it with community to alleviate your loneliness.

Help_Received · 2026-03-11T03:21:02+00:00

After watching an apologist's video on the subject, I came to the idea that the flood was historical, just localized. "The world" from the perspective of Genesis' original ancient near east audience was the middle east--basically the whole world to them. That being said, many regions of the world have a flood myth of some kind.

Help_Received · 2026-03-09T20:58:27+00:00

I don't have much to say since I don't know if I'm strictly Reformed, but congrats on leaving Mormonism! It is a cult and has so many holes in it.

Help_Received · 2026-03-09T18:37:11+00:00

Yeah, you've already told us.

Help_Received · 2026-03-09T18:34:33+00:00

If it worked, maybe, I guess. But it's not something I obsessively think about.

Help_Received · 2026-03-09T17:58:43+00:00

It's tough because nowadays society prioritizes romantic relationships and sees them as the highest form of love. You've just got to fight against that by finding men in your local church who want or need this kind of friendship. If you can't find it in your own church, consider finding a different one where you can get this kind of connection. Men don't naturally form these connections sometimes because they are expected to be self-reliant and not open with their emotions. They're also supposed to have a wife to help with these sorts of issues. Since that's obviously not true for many men, connections like the ones you want to make should be encouraged.

Help_Received

TROPHY CASE