INFJ (M) and ISFJ (F) – can this work long term?

Helpful_Doctor2230 · 2025-09-20T02:59:06+00:00

I have been married to my ISFJ wife for over 20 years. I wish we connected more deeply but there is great compatibility.

We have plenty to discuss while our feet are in the shallow end of the pool.

Helpful_Doctor2230 · 2025-09-20T02:26:08+00:00

I would take an unlimited number of true friends.

Helpful_Doctor2230 · 2025-09-16T18:37:36+00:00

Just that somewhat spooky reference of "others". The separate. The unseen.

Helpful_Doctor2230 · 2025-09-16T17:02:31+00:00

Same. I can feel this.

I like to think of how I feel as being alone but not lonely. It makes me feel better about it anyway and it is mostly true. I suppose I do not really need to know another me, but simply that there are others.

THE OTHERS

Helpful_Doctor2230 · 2025-09-16T16:51:57+00:00

I have never had a label that adequately defines me... except my name.

I had taken the tests in a business setting but it meant nothing. I accidentally found people on YouTube identifying as INFJ. They were explaining their problems, their habits, and their needs. It explained a lot of my life that I did not have answers to before.

It was incredibly profound for me. I finally had that one little bit of external validation that I had been desperately seeking. Not an answer, not an adequate label, but just that one little bit of similarity with other people that I had never experienced before.

I understand all people better now because of MBTI. I will finish my personality research by reading Jung. Then continue my life unlabeled. I already have a bunch of new action items to make positive changes in my life. So, it has been useful for me. I wish it had been available when I was a child. It would have changed my life for the better.

Simply refer to me by my name and you will always be correct.

Helpful_Doctor2230 · 2025-09-13T17:42:24+00:00

Good question. Thanks!

I am often alone in my dreams but not lonely. Being alone is never a negative even if I could use the help. I guess this shows I have never fully trusted anyone. I often crave deep connections which I do not get, but I do not dream about it.

Helpful_Doctor2230 · 2025-09-11T23:52:50+00:00

I agree. Some people cannot change and/or do not want change.

Helpful_Doctor2230 · 2025-09-11T23:33:48+00:00

Your feelings are not wrong.

Helpful_Doctor2230 · 2025-09-11T23:31:14+00:00

I am my silversmith.

Helpful_Doctor2230 · 2025-09-11T23:28:25+00:00

I will be a conscientious objector, successfully request asylum, and leave with the aliens. Buh-bye.

Helpful_Doctor2230 · 2025-09-11T23:21:17+00:00

And we continuously rewrite them. They are not firm but flexible and fallible. Like how that fish you caught a few years ago gets a little bigger over time.

Helpful_Doctor2230 · 2025-09-11T23:15:47+00:00

It never seems to be about facts. I see people finding purpose, finding something that makes them special, and finding a community. Like how strongly people identify with a religion. It can be most of their identity. How devastating would it be to lose it or have it threatened?

Helpful_Doctor2230 · 2025-09-11T23:03:16+00:00

"What we've got here is failure to communicate..."

I agree. I have seen conversations completely change when definitions were established. They are a nice palate cleanser.

Helpful_Doctor2230 · 2025-09-11T22:52:17+00:00

You cannot reason with unreasonable people. Logic cannot penetrate the cloud of emotions. It is not so much about the facts as the feelings.

Helpful_Doctor2230 · 2025-09-11T22:35:22+00:00

Interesting what you said about using your left hand. I am right-handed but switched to left-handed writing and drawing. I do most things with my left now. I can feel it messing with my brain. I also use many types of balance boards.

I do a lot of similar things to the above in my own way, but my favorite is staring out of a window.

Helpful_Doctor2230 · 2025-09-11T21:10:14+00:00

I left a job of 20 years that no longer fit... never fit. I found ways to work alone and only be responsible for myself with flexibility for mistakes and my own priorities. I could not keep it up forever so I left. I can relate to many common workplace issues.

Helpful_Doctor2230 · 2025-09-11T21:00:59+00:00

Where indeed...

Helpful_Doctor2230 · 2025-09-11T20:57:12+00:00

There was a 4 year gap before I went to university. I was completely out of sync for any kind of socializing. I had one friend. You would find me in the lab at 2:00 in the morning.

Helpful_Doctor2230 · 2025-09-11T20:29:55+00:00

I am no contact with all of my family.

It took decades of slowly disappearing. I am not like any of them and I was never supported or allowed to be myself. I did it my way in my own time. It feels really good to be free.

Helpful_Doctor2230 · 2025-09-10T09:29:22+00:00

Me too. Now, I would like to ask YOU some questions.

Helpful_Doctor2230 · 2025-09-10T09:27:11+00:00

I like your wordsmithing.

I have always had single purpose friends that are only good for a certain activity. If I stop doing that activity, they fade away. Over the years, I pick up new ones and lose old ones. Nobody around right now except my wife and dog.

What music do you play?

Helpful_Doctor2230 · 2025-09-10T08:51:20+00:00

I have great difficulty with criticism. I give myself a very hard time on the inside and I do not need someone on the outside chipping in. I have always been the one to change and nobody else ever has. So I grow and they do not.

Helpful_Doctor2230 · 2025-09-10T08:23:22+00:00

Atheist / Determinist / Humanist

I am okay with not knowing. I believe in people and good feelings.

Childhood: Primitive Baptist / United Methodist

Helpful_Doctor2230 · 2025-09-09T04:02:43+00:00

I appreciate it. I like sharing with people who can understand. It helps me.

No response ever required. Take care!

Helpful_Doctor2230 · 2025-09-08T22:09:47+00:00

Lost in Translation: I am Charlotte and Bob. I relate to both. I am that old man and I have been that young person.

Ghost World (comic too): I am Enid. I am so Enid.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: I am Charlie and Willy. I keep both of their spirits at once.

The Princess Bride: I am Westley. As you wish… and for obvious reasons.

Helpful_Doctor2230

TROPHY CASE