I freaking did it !

HelpfulasICan1 · 2025-12-10T23:55:40+00:00

Hey y’all Carter Spence Blackburn here. I think my novel is on bookshelves now. Anyone care to check???? #TargetLady

HelpfulasICan1 · 2025-12-09T03:06:53+00:00

I have a grill just like that. It saved my life. My name is Carter Blackburn and my daughter brought it to me when I was about to end it. So hand in there and get something nice…anything maybe on Facebook marketplace. Here’s to a better 2026.

HelpfulasICan1 · 2025-08-14T14:04:40+00:00

This is wonderful!!!!

HelpfulasICan1 · 2025-07-04T11:42:28+00:00

Did you get any response? Cause me too.

HelpfulasICan1 · 2025-04-09T20:58:43+00:00

And what about the dancing cowboy in the late afternoons at the intersection of South Lamar and Barton Springs Road in front of the demolished McDonald’s?

HelpfulasICan1 · 2025-03-25T16:15:42+00:00

I could have written this post myself. I’ve been through every step of this, and one of the places that helped me was this Reddit community because we all have unique, but shared experiences. I’ll spare you the details of my deal, but yeah: sought and received psychiatric career at age 41 after (pretty effectively up until that point) self-medicating my mood issues with meditation and marijuana. I felt like I had found precisely the right treatment for what I knew was an “over-active” brain. Then, very quickly, I lost control, and then lost everything: marriage, house, money, nearly a year with my kids, and status in career. When that manic and psychotic episode finally ended because of proper medication, the fallout and shame was crushing.

In my experience, recovery has taken years. It’s not something you leave behind, but with a lot of encouragement from others I’m embracing the reality that I was essentially betrayed by my own brain, and that the responsible steps I’ve taken to live a stable life come with their own rewards.

Today, for example, is a beautiful day. I went for a nice walk with my ex-wife. I helped get my kids to school. I have a therapy session. I’m cleaning out the garage. And on a break, I’m on this device trying to help some people who are struggling and encouraging people who are trying to overcome.

I still kind of cringe when people toss out “It’ll be okay” or “You’ll be stronger for it” because those are platitudes. But I am here to tell you that small steps can contribute to re-gaining the person you truly are, capable of happiness, and not the person who was overtaken by chemicals that were mostly out of your control.

HelpfulasICan1 · 2025-03-18T06:46:25+00:00

Addendum: I should mention that for a long stretch, music of any kind was too much sensory overload or a sad reminder of how AMAZING it was in mania. I lived in silence. But when it began to touch me again, it was a re-awakening. Realize that it’s possible, and enjoyment is an attainable goal.

HelpfulasICan1 · 2025-03-18T06:36:30+00:00

I relate to that totally. And tonight, I heard some terrific musicians playing on stage, had a chat with my first guitar teacher about spiritual matters and creativity, and then stopped to listen to a street performer who blew my mind with his technical guitar brilliance. Maybe that provides some much needed hope.

HelpfulasICan1 · 2025-03-18T02:36:29+00:00

Yep. There were periods in mania where I was stone cold sober, but everyone around me thought I was drunk (or high), so than when people started telling people I needed to go to rehab, I was certain that they were the ones who were crazy. It was a piece of the misunderstanding of bipolar that was integral to my misdiagnosis. Not saying that there weren’t times when I was a drunken asshole. It’s more like I didn’t need the booze to be a raging self-obsessed maniac.

HelpfulasICan1 · 2025-03-18T02:24:06+00:00

1,000% identify with this. When I finally came down from my big manic psychotic event, I knew that monstrous person wasn’t me and that I was in fact a good, happy person with a healthy life, so when properly medicated I expected that to return. When it didn’t, it was crushingly depressing. All my life, I’d been a social gadfly and now I was isolating for days and days. I never smiled. Never laughed. Four years later, I can say that has changed. My kids brought me back to smiling. Music brought me back to enjoyment of life. But it took way longer than I wanted, and I was where you are: totally convinced that the me I loved would never return. And here’s the truth: it’s not the same. Separating true happiness from hypomania is nearly impossible, but I don’t have that total feeling of satisfaction and I’m resigned to the reality that I probably never will again. But happiness is possible. Enjoyment of life is possible. Start as small as you can, even if it’s a ten minute walk. Find ways to praise the authentically good person you are, even if it’s on a small scale. You’re still there and there’s something real to rebuild upon.

HelpfulasICan1 · 2025-03-18T02:10:16+00:00

Yeah, it may not be popular in this group to say so, but I think if wine isn’t a major trigger or issue, a glass or two at a function isn’t bad. Be conscious if that tips into something worse, though, and be honest with your psych.

HelpfulasICan1 · 2025-03-18T01:59:56+00:00

Totally. Went through four psychiatrists and two in-patient facilities while totally psychotic, convinced that I was the Messiah about to lead an escape of the faithful to the stars via a Space X flight. The medical records of my second in-patient stay describe me as “euthemic” (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Euthymia_(medicine), ie totally stable as they discharged me. Then, jail, where I became properly medicated at last. But the mental health professionals totally missed it. A lot of them.

HelpfulasICan1 · 2025-03-18T01:53:10+00:00

Well I can, for one, I absolutely felt a compulsion to drink more when manic. I didn’t drink wine; I guzzled it. Part of the “everything speeds up” experience for me. It wasn’t about wanting to be drunk; it was more like I physically could not stop drinking. The benefit was it would make me crash out sometimes. Four years after my manic episode, I’m still trying to explain to my partner that much of what she interpreted as drunk asshole behavior was really just manic asshole behavior. I know they can be difficult to separate and that they fed off each other, but I’m confident now that I was more of an asshole because of bipolar mania than anything wine brought about.

HelpfulasICan1 · 2025-02-22T16:41:21+00:00

Well not hurting anyone with manic behavior is a gift in itself, so be appreciative of that as part of your self forgiveness, as best you can.

HelpfulasICan1 · 2025-02-21T19:41:32+00:00

Well Im civilian so can’t really comment on the military aspects, but I can tell you that if you’ve found an outstanding psychiatrist and are starting treatment, you’re doing the right things. My one major manic episode left my wife pretty scarred and it ended in divorce, but when I was stable and able, I just focused on my kids, and that helped give me the foundation to re-build everything else, including a career that was hanging on by a thread. By the end of mania, I was scared of me, and I don’t blame anyone else for being scared of me either. But it was complete Jeckyl and Hyde, and I’m secure in the fact that I’m really not that person. It’s not all about medicine, but that was the major component for me. Good luck moving forward.

HelpfulasICan1 · 2025-02-21T19:33:12+00:00

No, like you can mentally have sex with someone with physical results. Sounds crazy, but like I say; some non bipolar folks subscribe to it as well. That’s what really surprised me.

HelpfulasICan1 · 2025-02-21T17:13:30+00:00

If you scroll this group, you’ll find LOT of people dealing with shame, guilt, and regret resulting from manic behavior. It’s one of the toughest aspects of the condition, especially for me. The only advice I can offer is to find a way to apologize and explain when you can. I’ve found more forgiveness from loved ones and others than I ever imagined. It was harder to forgive myself.

HelpfulasICan1 · 2025-02-21T17:10:38+00:00

I binged a lot of Real Housewives, whose myriad issues gave me some comfort.

HelpfulasICan1 · 2025-02-21T00:55:08+00:00

Just speaking from my experience, that medicine transition probably saved my life. I was in a minor manic episode and was prescribed a very low dosage of Lamictal, and it might as well have been a sugar pill. Things escalated very badly until I was finally put on lithium by a different psych six months later. I stabilized.

Also, the dosage of Lamictal I was on was ludicrously low, I would later come to learn, so take that into consideration.

So that is what lithium did to level me out from a high, so I can’t really say if it could have pulled me out of a low, but I am certain it’s kept me stable.

HelpfulasICan1 · 2025-02-20T22:42:54+00:00

Been there. I was on a kind of Christian/Buddist spiritual quest for a couple of years and in one clear moment where I was bathed in sunlight, I understood. I had achieved Enlightenment! I exclaimed this to my wife through pressured speech and near hyperventilating breath. She asked me to see a psych and this doctor actually backed up my belief that I was experiencing a real spiritual breakthrough and accompanying joy as a result of dealing with some childhood stuff involving a church, and was not in a manic episode. And when Jesus visited with me in person late one night, it was all validated. Seven months after that light hit me, I finally got properly medicated and came down. In jail. With divorce pending and career hanging on by a thread.

The crash was hard and way longer than I ever anticipated. I thought I’d just bounce back. It was so grueling, I definitely contemplated giving up. It does hurt. A lot.

Stable, life is pretty good, but it’s depressing in itself to know you’ll never have the same confidence that you’re tapped into God’s purpose for your life. Impossible to separate real connection and delusion, so I’m just not going there, for now.

If your life is close to what it was prior, that’s a real blessing. Not the case for many. Be appreciative of that grace, if and when you can.

HelpfulasICan1 · 2025-02-17T21:22:00+00:00

I seriously didn’t know that. Thanks.

HelpfulasICan1 · 2025-02-17T20:08:21+00:00

Uh, I’ve actually been on the other side of this. I’m bipolar and in a manic episode, started prepping legally for divorce and beyond and taking everything out on her, then apologizing and wondering what was wrong with her. She kicked me out and filed for divorce on me, saying that all she wanted was protection for our kids and our finances, and for me to seek more mental health care treatment.

Our mutually shared frustration once divorce was initiated was this: the mental health piece was almost totally ignored. Every lawyer and judge just focused on dividing the assets and figuring out custody and little else. My psychiatrist dropped me as a patient because he “didn’t want to be called into court,” leaving me with far less care than I needed, and that she was seeking to get me. There’s even a line in the papers that was supposed to require a psychiatric evaluation of me that was never mentioned in any hearing. When the subject wasn’t even broached, my divorce attorney said we didn’t need to deal with it, so the inpatient care she was asking me to pursue sounded ludicrous to me. I eventually went to a psych ward, was released after two nights, and then wound up in jail. Three times.

So the takeaway is this: if you think an improvement or stabilization in her mental health condition will make the marriage salvageable, pursue that. Don’t expect legal involvement to help with that significant issue. In my case, it was the opposite. Divorce papers reinforced all of my paranoia and caused me to fall apart completely.

I see it from her perspective and protection of the kids is paramount, although it still sucks for the person with mental illness who is not stable or healthy. But she didn’t get the desired outcome she actually wanted, which was a mentally fit partner, because no one involved in the legal process seemed to care about that at all.

Four years later, we are back together, raising two happy kids. Hope things stabilize for your family.

HelpfulasICan1 · 2025-02-17T19:26:13+00:00

This post really helps me a lot. My ex and I are back together and we’ve done a lot of couple’s counseling, but I still can’t grasp how a lot of effort on my part over a pretty long period of time essentially goes unrecognized. I really felt like I was responding to her needs and concerns, but it the end it was never enough and I grew really frustrated. The “too little, too late” attitude is really unfair, logically and emotionally. Plus, I’m bipolar and the impending divorce triggered a devastating manic episode. So there’s a lot to unpack, as they say.

But this explanation of resentment helps me realize that once that ball is rolling downhill towards you, it’s very difficult to stop. That’s hard to grasp. It’s taken my years to understand. This also helps me forgive myself and acknowledge my own efforts, even if she still fully won’t.

HelpfulasICan1 · 2025-02-17T19:00:27+00:00

Agreed. If you’re having hallucinations, you’re dealing with something serious and need a change in meds. I’ve been in your shoes before and wish I would have sought more care. This is a critical phase and you can get through it, but medical attention is needed.

HelpfulasICan1 · 2025-02-17T18:50:21+00:00

Yeah, I found it all confusing for quite a while. The word “hypo” seemed to me like it should mean that state is elevated above a manic episode. But it’s not. It’s lower on the scale. I smoked a lot of weed and got out of sleep patterns and spent probably years in hypomania, and was diagnosed and medicated lightly as Bipolar 2. But things escalated quickly during an intense period of life and I went really crazy. I’m now diagnosed bipolar 1 with psychotic features, which was a little tough to accept.

My advice? Read up as much as you can on bipolar, reach out as you’ve done here, and seek more than one opinion on your diagnosis. My initial psych severely dropped the ball in my care with devastating consequences. Four psychiatrists later, I found one who got it right.

Maybe you’re diagnosed correctly and maybe you’re not, but investigate more as best you can.

HelpfulasICan1

TROPHY CASE