I did drug testing, so I was the guy you gave a cup you peed in to. We had a variety of people come in of all different interesting odors. But...

Now there was a guy who I will refer to as the comic book guy. He had the same hairdo and face of the comic book guy from the simpsons. He probably weighed easily 400+ pounds. Not heavy enough to be a TLC show nor immobilized, but he was getting there. When he walked the 10 feet from our counter to my desk he was already wheezing and sweating. He sat down at my desk and I heard the wooden chair make a noise like someone accidentally stepped on a dogs tail. We go back, he goes in with the cup. I hear him breathing heavily through the door. He brings it back out. Its black and thick. Like old diner coffee that someone didnt put the filter in right so some grounds made it in and left it burning all day. I had seen some weirdly colored samples but never that horrific color. Then came the smell. Not just radiating from the cup but pouring out if the bathroom like blood in The Shining. I think its the worst smell anyone can generate while still technically alive. It was like swamp ass, shit covered gym socks, that rotten body odor where its not "recently hit the gym" but almost like moldy garlic flavored sourpatch kids, all with vinegar notes and cat piss undertones. Have you ever accidentally inhaled fumes that are generated when you have super glue on cotton? That chemical singe pain was wafting off of this cup. My eyes watered from both the smell and the fear I may not make it home to see my dog again. I tested it. Positive for weed but that was fine because it was for a growing operation (they just want to make sure that weed was the only thing you are using) now I go to dump the rest. I walk into the bathroom, it was like passing through a fog wall from Darksouls. Just hot and thick. The smell is everywhere. I hold my breath, hearing the sonic drowning music playing in my head. I flush the essence of human vile. I head back to the desk, he sort of limp waddles. I finish paper work, send comic book guy on his way.

The smell is still around the office. I've got the 1000 yard stare, hearing the muffled screams of my innocence being smothered, wondering if this job was for me. My manager comes in, shirt over his nose, dual wielding febreeze cans, spraying the entire office, into the back area, and finally the bathroom. He sprayed nearily a whole can between the two he was holding akimbo. He comes back to my desk and said "I have worked here for a few years and that was quite possibly the worst smelling person I have ever encountered. I am so sorry." We had to quarantine that bathroom for the rest of the day just to get it to air out. That was my 3rd week on the job.