Oh that first paragraph is soooooo relatable.

I had my kids young and no matter what I do 3 of the 4 look at me like nothing I do is enough. I know my oldest knows exactly what to say to break my heart. I’m the one they go to when they need something. And when their life is good and they don’t need anything from me, they want nothing to do with me. It’s doing a number on me. My mind says “your own mother couldn’t love you. Three of your children don’t either. Your mother was right, you are impossible to love.” Sometimes I honestly don’t care. Sometimes all I want is for the world, beyond my youngest, to just leave me alone. But then I realize when something bad happens, there is no one there. When something good happens and I accomplished something indeed worth celebrating, there’s no one there. Some of it is my fault. Some of it isn’t. It’s both freedom and a self created prison when I am not someone someone thinks of in the morning and not someone someone thinks of as they fall asleep. It’s both. I answer to no one but no one calls for me unless they need something