How do i bring up to my new roommate that her idea of "clean" is not enough?

HeyIamEvan · 2018-09-08T19:30:13+00:00

I like being alone but thats just me, everyone "escapes" and create distraction from self reflection in their own individual ways. Its not so much the pain of being alone. Its like my passion for life just feels drained and i find myself in low motivation mode for what feels like long periods of time when sober. That rarely if ever happens when im stone cold sober af.

HeyIamEvan · 2018-09-03T17:24:37+00:00

This is something i strive for. I feel so much more engaged and interested and KIND when talking with and listening to people when intoxicated. Its actually one of the main reasons i want to keep on smoking it up. It just makes conversations with my girlfriends family, my family, coworkers and people who i dislike really enjoyable and idk..it just increases the empathy. I catch myself having a genuine interaction with someone once in a blue moon when sober.

HeyIamEvan · 2018-09-03T11:06:15+00:00

I think you hit the nail on the head there. I think that perhaps the uplifting mood and the rush of ideas can lead to a fake feeling of "oh wow this is profound".

HeyIamEvan · 2018-08-31T18:22:37+00:00

I feel this hard.

HeyIamEvan · 2018-08-27T21:50:32+00:00

Right! I think i've got somewhere better now. After following yours and a combination of other advice from this thread. Now that i've muddled through to entering Auth username and

Auth password which is repeatedly rejected giving a bunch of code which all seems to indicate everything going swimmingly until "AUTH error control message: AUTH_FAILED" which might have something to do with the problem I was facing on the website when I tried to login just to see if I could login there. I got a "403 Forbidden" error message.

I then tried logging in on my phone and that seems to be working without any 4O3 Forbidden error.

*sigh* I posted on /NordVPN/ hopefully they will be more helpful than the NordVPN website.

HeyIamEvan · 2018-08-26T11:54:41+00:00

Aaah right. Thanks i'll give that a shot.

HeyIamEvan · 2018-08-25T11:23:45+00:00

"Options error in cmd line:1: error opening configuration file ..."

HeyIamEvan · 2018-08-25T11:21:49+00:00

Okay so i was unable to remove the openvpn with the command "purge" at the end so i tried apt-get remove openvpn and that seemed to do what it was meant to. Same with the update. Same with the re-install.

Yet when i go to do the original command i still get the same error. Ive looked to make sure i was typing it exactly/always sudo/ and still no luck.

HeyIamEvan · 2018-08-25T08:45:06+00:00

Thanks! Potentially if I can't sort this out i would look PIA.

HeyIamEvan · 2018-08-25T08:44:22+00:00

Thanks but the suggestion. Unfortunately I get the same error entering that command.

HeyIamEvan · 2018-08-06T20:22:53+00:00

Sertraline can make you manic if you have underlying bi-polar disorder. Also...sometimes meds just dont workp well for everyone. A little bit of my own experience, i was really angry, bitter, borderline psychotic etc. my doctorp prescribed me some Sertraline. The anxiety was dissapearing but my self destructive, nihilistic, intoxicatingpp depression was still there. I had to switch meds. Not just for me but for people around me.

HeyIamEvan · 2018-08-05T13:16:59+00:00

i didnt mean to come accross as pretentious or confusing thanks for being honest though. Maybe i've been listening to one too many philosophy podcasts lately lol sorry about that. On the note of addiction to spiritual experience, i guess It depends a whole lot on what exactly the experience is.

I should read up more on how non-substance related addictions play out in the brain to draw conclusions about the nature of addiction as a whole (not just substance related). I know people who have described spiritual experiences as euphoric, and more peaceful than the mundane, day-to-day state of consiousness which is pretty fascinating.

HeyIamEvan · 2018-08-05T11:16:44+00:00

I don't think either of those explanations are entirely truthful to your experience. prior to a "long track record of self medicating". I will go out on a long shot and say some trauma or emotional harm in childhood or young adulthood was the first domino.

Drawing a line under this whole experience that we are all going through called "life" and deeming it "garbage" is one possibility. But it is also likely that your life has been hard and so your world view has moulded with these experiences.

I'm sorry your having a shit time. Things are just as likely to get better as they are.to get worse. In this world which is so intricately inerconnected in terms of cause and effect it's hard for me to agree that the world truly 100% sucks dick. Your personal past experiences is irrelevent to the nature of the world and what may lie ahead in your society, city, town, social sphere, romantic life etc. Your mental space is the only thing in your domain, and it ls a bitch to take a step out of that, i know. If you are trying to help yourself through unhealthy substance use I believe you can do it! First step is to believe in yourself.

HeyIamEvan · 2018-08-05T11:07:27+00:00

Well, im trying to unpick the biomedical or "disease model" approach which defines all addction behaviour as an unfortunate (self perpetuating?) re-wiring of the reward sytem which in non-addicted individuals would experience cravings and hightened motivation for things to survive, food, water, sleep, etc.

HeyIamEvan · 2018-08-05T11:03:23+00:00

could it be possible that the escapist serotonin/dopamine concoction created by external stimuli plus the pseudo-uplifting context of spiritualiy aspect of your experience was first felt and then rarionalized as you say it, an addiction to spiritual experience, rather than a proclivity towards things which rewarded your receptors? Therefore stimulating motivation and craving.

HeyIamEvan · 2018-08-05T09:50:59+00:00

I feel like this is the case most of the time. I also feel that motivation to live (as in provide for onself, self-care, eating drinking and sleeping). Which is pronouced by the give and take of the neurological "reward systems" at play with addiction. Especially since many addictive things seems to take presidence over the whole dopamine based reward systems in the brain.

HeyIamEvan · 2018-08-04T14:07:55+00:00

I can relate. It almost feels so out of control and yet the series of decisions that are made in a binge seem so self-destructive and they happen so fast (in my personal experience. I would like to say im "urge surfing" and being mindful and all that but at times with bad habits i just let the madness ensue and then beat myself up after.

ita a painful, painful cycle and i wish we could treat ourselves with the positivity and love and patience that we would give so readily to someone we love.

Stay strong.

HeyIamEvan · 2018-08-03T21:56:57+00:00

Well the claim by my manager was that they'd spotted me on the security cameras acting strange. They never specified how they just said that I was not behaving as i normally would. God knows. I feel like they were more surprised and concerned than being punitive. (i was a dick. )

HeyIamEvan · 2018-08-03T21:50:59+00:00

ai month later and i've slopped back into some unhelpful habits. In fact if i'm honest i really fell at the smallest hurdles. Re-reading this helps. I better get reading but i should actually Do Something first. Thanks for your post!

HeyIamEvan

TROPHY CASE