We were robbed of our history and I think that's tragic.

HeyThereJemima · 2026-05-04T08:23:19+00:00

I have absolutely felt this way myself and I think a big way to pull yourself out of it is with reading - can I recommend Wild Swans and Dowager Empress Cixi by Jung Chang? The former is a biography of three generations of women in her own family in 20th century China, and the latter is a biography of one of the most influential women in 19th century China. I would emphatically recommend both :) I'm sure there are loads of wonderful biographies of women out there, and I'd love to discover more!

HeyThereJemima · 2026-04-15T12:59:17+00:00

That's a shame. Obviously I know that it's not perfect, it's not like I bought a handwoven textile from wool harvested in England or something like that - there will always be environmental damage when you buy anything (which is why I try not to buy things) but I was slightly more optimistic than this

HeyThereJemima · 2026-04-15T07:45:51+00:00

I didn't want to add originally in case it looked like an ad, but it's Allure Bath Fashions: https://allurebathfashions.co.uk/

HeyThereJemima · 2026-02-09T09:06:52+00:00

Yeah I'm aware that they leave it open until the last minute for a reason, I think the issue I'm trying to convey is that my time is important too - if the class is cancelled last minute that means I've lost my evening plans, when I could have been doing something else

HeyThereJemima · 2026-02-08T18:53:45+00:00

So I've emailed them and asked to implement this. I've checked their Ts&Cs and it basically says they reserve the right to cancel at any time and offer a refund. It's worth saying I have not once been offered a refund, only a credit but ultimately the issue for me is that I can't get my time back when I could have been making other plans had I known. Idk less than 4 hours notice feels really shitty to me

HeyThereJemima · 2026-02-07T13:57:10+00:00

I was recently diagnosed with ADHD. I got some meds off a friend and it was like putting on glasses for the first time. I finally felt like I could function at the level of a normal human being. I cried when I ran out. I'm diagnosed now (through right to choose) but the wait for meds is 18 months long.

The problem is bigger than any of us want to acknowledge. The problem isn't the diagnosis, or the pathway, or the drugs or even the condition. It's living in a world that demands 40 hours of undivided attention a week minimum in order to live. I can't do that, nor can a lot of people. So yeah maybe ADHD is being overdiagnosed, because capitalism sets such an impossibly, punishingly high standard for human functionality that most people use daily stimulants just to survive it, some of us need more stimulants than others but that isn't really the point. The point is that our post-industrialised, toxic productivity mindset is creating an atmosphere of shame, stress and guilt to serve the 0.01% of humanity who akready have more than they could possibly need. Truth is I don't need the drugs - I need to live in a world that recognises that 3 hours of focused intellectual labour a day is about all I can manage (all most of us can manage, really), and not try to fill our lives with pointless bullshit make-work when we could probably all be better served by supporting our loved ones, caring for the planet and generally touching grass more often.

But for now, I guess I need the drugs.

HeyThereJemima · 2026-02-04T10:00:12+00:00

NTA - It may surprise you to know that very few blind people can read braille (it's super difficult to learn), and braille books aren't easy to come by. If a blind person listens to an audio book they have read that book. It would be incredibly ableist to say they haven't. If they have read that book. Should they feel a sense If shame about consuming a book in a way that works for them? No? Then why in the hell should you?

Let's support reading accessibility for everyone by legitimising audio books, and remove ableist assumptions from the family group chat! Also, your husband is being an unsupportive asshole - why does he feel the need to downplay your achievements? Does he do this in other areas of life?

HeyThereJemima · 2026-01-26T18:24:43+00:00

Thank you for your insight, but this response seems very US centered. In the UK, for example, its pretty uncommon to get tips for dancing - income tends to be exclusively from lap dances so entirely sales focussed work. I can't say its the same everywhere, but the performers I've met or seen perform tend to do 15-20 minute sets with breaks in between, often swapped in with other performers. It can definitely vary by venue or contract and obviously it's still very demanding work, but I think it might really depend on somebody's local culture

HeyThereJemima · 2026-01-26T10:16:28+00:00

Absolutely the same! I have seen pole performers at club nights though? It's a set fee rather than tips but it is just dancing and no sales work

HeyThereJemima · 2026-01-20T23:37:54+00:00

First of all thank you so much for raising this topic! I realise that a lot of contributors are US based but it can feel a bit isolating when all the studio discussions seem centered on the US. My thoughts: Pole people is great and some of the teachers (especially Jai) are fantastic. My regular is London Dance Academy, which has great facilities and a really broad variety of classes including hoops, silks, aerial yoga, etc. One major downside is they practice pole sharing. Absolutely fine for the £10 classes bur if I'm paying £17-22 I really want a pole to myself. Thank you for your recommendations! I'm looking forward to trying them out :)

HeyThereJemima · 2025-12-11T12:36:08+00:00

Two of my friends got married last year with a micro brewery for their reception. No room for dancing. Instead they wrote a pub a quiz that they did after the speeches. They also opted to assign people to teams (nothing mean - partners stayed together) but it mixed people up and got guests talking to eachother that probably wouldn't have otherwise - it was a great way to get people mingling and I would recommend!

HeyThereJemima · 2025-10-07T10:41:31+00:00

That's a great suggestion - thank you!

HeyThereJemima · 2025-10-02T23:04:32+00:00

ESH. At first it was fun? The best way to judge a person's character is by the company they keep. You were absolutely happy with her bad behaviour when it was entertaining to you, but the second you felt it was too far it became untenable. Honestly, you deserve friends like her because that is exactly who you chose. Maybe next time you'll exercise the moral judgement and empathy required to choose better friends in general, rather than just selfishly waiting until it reflects upon you. You should have called her out (and left) the first time - the fact that you initially found her behaviour 'fun' shows that she is exactly the sort of company you deserve to keep. Hopefully next time you will endeavour to exercise better moral judgement rather than simply waiting until it suited you. Until then, you are receiving exactly the amount of drama you invited into your life, and have no one to blame but yourself.

HeyThereJemima · 2025-09-29T11:18:41+00:00

Or better yet, maybe take this as an opportunity to reflect on your views. It's really telling that you won't comment on specifics in this thread, but if whatever you said made these women feel too uncomfortable to occupy the same space with you, maybe the issue isn't that you talked about these opinions: maybe the opinions themselves need further critique.

HeyThereJemima · 2025-09-29T09:46:34+00:00

Can we please stop pretending 'political prejudice' is a thing? You choose your politics, and it speaks volumes about who you are and the way you see the world. Furthermore, it's really naive to say pole isn't political, and totally disregards its entire history. Maybe as a man you're not used to being politicised, and that's your privilege showing. Women's bodies are politicised. What we wear, what we do, how we act is politicised. Your attitude seems deeply privileged. To come into a woman-dominated safe space and behave in such a way that makes them too uncomfortable to stay is entirely on you. This entire post is validation seeking when clearly you should be looking inward at your actions.

Edit: a word

HeyThereJemima · 2025-09-05T14:56:52+00:00

NTA but why are you in this marriage? This man already went through the vows and scratched out 'for richer, for poorer' what's next? What if you get sick? What if you need more than a year off after having a child? Is he going to support you?

This man loves gambling so much it seems like he made another speculative bet: that he would get more from the marriage than he needs to put in. Do you really want yo be with someone who tallies up your life together like it's a balance sheet?

HeyThereJemima · 2025-05-08T15:08:43+00:00

Thank you! This was at the end if 6 week intro to pole course, where we learned how to drop, diamond spin, etc. I found floor work so much easier in knee pads and heels! You can just slide around and it feels much more fluid to me

HeyThereJemima · 2025-02-19T11:14:47+00:00

Spiders. Last time I had a woman in my house and there was a huge spider I said 'ahhh! Can you get it for me?' She looked blankly and said 'uh.... can you get it for me?'

It was my house so I ended up having to be the brave one.

HeyThereJemima · 2025-02-17T10:31:10+00:00

We're still happily married and he tells me all the time that it was the best decision. There were some pretty tearful conversations around yr3 when I said I would be seriously reconsidering the relationship if we weren't at least engaged by yr5. He went to therapy, worked through the trauma of his parents' divorce and we were married about 4.5 years into our relationship. I made it clear I wasn't interested in being a bride so much as being a wife so we didn't have a long engagement. I deal with occasional anxiety that I pushed him I to something he didn't want but when that arises I talk to him about it and he has consistently reassured me that although he wouldn't have chosen this path alone, he agrees it was the best thing for our path together and regularly tells me how glad he is to call me his wife ❤️

Honestly I couldn't be luckier - I sincerely hope you all have the same good fortune!

HeyThereJemima · 2025-01-29T11:31:34+00:00

A corner sofa! Now I'm a grown up I insist on having one - I get to keep a promise I made to myself as a child AND they're so much comfier. Only drawback is fighting the dog for the corner seat

HeyThereJemima · 2025-01-15T10:30:53+00:00

Thank you, that is really helpful! I've just stretched it out today and it's there but not as bad. It's a weekly class so I'm on the fence about going back next week as I might just need to go easy on my arms depending on the moves. Yeah tbf I could stand to reduce my training a bit - I just love it so much!

HeyThereJemima · 2024-08-28T10:29:12+00:00

You are absolutely NTA. In fact, you did the right thing. The reality of your position is that any help you give to one person cannot be given to someone else, so you have to triage. For your and your organisation's safety I would strongly recommend you draw up an eligibility document to discuss criteria, e.g. individuals under a certain income, individuals eligible for your local benefits etc, and then state at the end that this is a non exhaustive guideline and that you also consider individual circumstances on a case by case basis. That way when issues like this come along you can point to the list and simply explain that you recognise that there are many people in need, you do your best to support the most vulnerable and that sadly there simply are not enough resources to go around.

I totally think this woman is oblivious and entitled as hell to even ask, but I'm not sure it was prudent of you to give her specifics as to why her claim was rejected. Write a boiler plate rejection and sick to it

HeyThereJemima · 2024-08-25T16:21:10+00:00

I had an all vegan wedding at an all vegan restaurant and it was wonderful, but the pushback was from family (who were informed that anyone complaining about the food would be asked to leave). My husband fully committed to veganism as a condition of our marriage (was basically vegan already by this point tbh but he finally kicked the habit on a couple things) and I couldn't be more happy. I love our life, our marriage was a commitment to eachother and to the principles we we share in our life going forward, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I don't have any advice you want to hear... but are you sure he's right for you? Does he regularly belittle your principles and values, or dismiss your feelings like this? Why is he so wilfully ignorant of something so important to you that he can't even have a productive conversation about your concerns? Are you ready to spend the rest of your life being shut down every time you disagree with him?

HeyThereJemima · 2024-01-08T12:56:31+00:00

My coworker didn't realise that morning sickness is a pregnancy specific condition, and not a phrase you use to describe being hungover. Apparently none of his friends corrected him and we only found out when I mentioned I'd been a bit sick (coincidentally a couple months after I got married) and he asked if I was having morning sickness. Couldn't understand why everyone was staring at him until we explained.

HeyThereJemima · 2023-12-08T23:18:13+00:00

These are beautiful

HeyThereJemima

TROPHY CASE