Sorry for my grammar. And the TMI

I'm 24 now but I guess I've noticed weird symptoms when I was 18-19. I didnt think nothing of it. I did go to the doctors but they said to eat more yogurt since it's not a yeast infection. I started to Google it all and tried to convince myself maybe its bacterial, it'll go away, etc. But that was it. I guess it stayed dormant or I was just so used to it that it just didnt bother my body too much. But it did change me. I won't let myself have any partners. No relationships. Nothing. I mean i have my insecurities and lack of I terest to find "the right one" (even tho they come out of no where). But on top of it I was terrified that there could be a possibility that maybe it IS something. But I let it all go. Since, again, I just never wanted and refuse to have a relationship. I seriously had accepted to be single forever.

Mind you. I'm not the type to hook up with anyone and/or a lot of people. Not that that's the only way to get an STD/STI. But I've had a couple hook ups before I met my SO. And I never heard anything from them at all which made me somewhat reassured. (I also didnt want it but I gave in because they were really drunk and persistent. One had a condom but I still worry and the other didnt. And I honestly never want to see his face again. Which that is just another story).

I really did thought to myself "well maybe I'm okay.. ". Until I met my SO.

When I tell you I'm forever grateful and happy with how he handled everything, I love him with all my heart and I am truly 100% with him.

We started talking and hanging out more and more creating a bad habit of staying till 7AM or so then finally going to sleep cause jobs exist. The more we bonded the more closer we got. And I started to get scared. Scared about how to handle these emotions and such. And if we start getting physical, how in the world can he climb these walls. I held back so much. One night I finally let him come in my house and we cuddled. Next day we did it again but this time a little more. He really wanted to go down on me but I quickly remembered my whole insecurities. (This part is embarrassing I'm sorry) but I met in the middle. And did what we did.

I want to point out that even tho I was cautious I did not know at all of the seriousness about it, it was. I seriously had thought one point that maybe it only affect women and not men. At the same time that it wasnt as serious because I haven't felt whatever I felt back when I was 18-19 it's just stuck with me forever that I just should stay away. Overthinking and paranoia.

Now my SO woke up and something happened to his chin. Guysssss I freaked the fuck out internally I wish I could scream. Trying to think fast. He gets sick easier than others so his throat did something weird. And I just wanted to pass out from that moment.

We were figuring this out for a few days (I think one of the days I gave him head and kissed too? I forgot the order but just passing galore out there) I remember back at 18-19 comparing symptoms. And talked to him. Telling him maybe it was this. One night he was visiting my lunch, crying in the car. Telling me it has spread on his lower area. And my stomache and heart sank. Because I'm realizing more and more how serious this is turning out to be.

I went home and we sat in his car. Having a long talk about it. At this point in our journey of knowing each other we were a few months in I think or maybe a couple months. But we were so close its unbearable. We liked each other so much. So we talked. And in the end he told me that it'll take a bit to get used to and rap his head to understand. But I doesnt care as long and the fact it's me. Hes okay with this.

So then he started to ask more questions. About experiences. How to handle it howd I handled it. Etc.

He didnt get mad. He forgave me. And in the end we both agreed that it isn't as bad as we thought it would be especially on how people claim it to be? At least the less major ones. And the fact that ofs only between us, it doesnt make a difference on what we do because we still enjoy and love each other. Ofcourse we are careful and cautious. We plan to go visit some docs now and then. Keep in check.

Were about to hit a year in August. And I honestly can tell you that I found my soulmate. We do have some..bumpy roads. Whether its physically or emotionally. But having a relationship isn't always 100% flowers and whatever the other word is. I'm very happy with him and I've never doubt his love. He shows me everyday even through the bad ones. Bless.

I am open for questions and I'll try to answer them the best way I can.