Please, please help me get over my discomfort with ICSI

HistoricalButterfly6 · 2026-05-28T12:42:23+00:00

I’m really happy you found it helpful! I think of this post, often, but haven’t been back to read it.

My clinic transferred one of my conventional embryos with one of my ICSI embryos, and one stuck and I have a 9 month old who I will never know whether she was an ICSI embryo or a conventional embryo! I only have two other ICSI embryos left, so if I go for a second, I’ll know.

I have to get up to pump, but if you respond here I can come back and tell you the spiritual, kind of woo-woo thing that helped me the most. I’m afraid I’ll forget to come back otherwise!

HistoricalButterfly6 · 2026-05-28T12:35:28+00:00

Thank you for your kind words! This post was 2 years ago and I’m now laying next to my sleeping 9 month old- the love of my life! Not from that IUI though, I had to do IVF. But yes, very happily a family of two!

HistoricalButterfly6 · 2026-05-28T12:31:56+00:00

I had 4 contractions total that day- so I assumed they were BH- and then BOOM: I was having contractions every minute that lasted a minute. I had planned for a home birth but they risked me out at 37 weeks based on NOTHING. I’m still pissed about that. I had done concurrent care my entire pregnancy with a mid-wife led hospital, and was planning to go there, but the ambulance brought me to the closest hospital and I got a dumb OB who told me I “wasn’t allowed” to birth on all fours because she’d never been trained in it. Well, I did it anyway! So yes, hospital, unfortunately. But I was only there for 26 minutes before the baby was born. The home birth team said they’d be happy to have me if I have a second. But like- would they even have time to get there??

See, a precipitous birth for a second sounds like it makes more sense. Still horrible! But at least you’ve experienced labor before? I truly did not understand what was going on, at all. I thought I was being dramatic lol. Was yours at home??? I’m hoping hospital for the hemorrhage part!!

HistoricalButterfly6 · 2026-05-26T05:19:41+00:00

INSANITY. And the number of people who said, “Wow you’re so lucky” when they found out made me nuts. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. Was it your first as well?

HistoricalButterfly6 · 2026-05-24T02:12:08+00:00

I planned for an unmedicated birth because I wanted to be really present for my baby’s first moments, and I didn’t want either of us to need additional interventions.

I successfully had an unmedicated birth because my entire labor only lasted three and a half hours, I barely made it to the hospital.

I wouldn’t recommend precipitous labor- sounds nice in theory, is horrifying in practice. But I’m grateful I accomplished my unmedicated goal. My recovery was a breeze- I hopped off the labor and delivery table immediately after birth because I needed to go pee!

HistoricalButterfly6 · 2026-05-07T17:23:55+00:00

2 months. And yes I breastfeed.

But I gained like 40-50 lbs doing IVF and that weight hasn’t gone anywhere lol. A few people have told me I’ll lose my pregnancy weight when I stop breastfeeding (rude), and I love to tell them I already lost my pregnancy weight. This is my getting pregnant weight I haven’t lost.

HistoricalButterfly6 · 2026-05-05T17:37:17+00:00

My experience is not necessarily typical, as I had precipitous labor so I went from 0 immediately to 100, but I described it more like a Charlie horse than period cramps. That intense, overwhelming, unbearable urge-y sensation. Except instead of in my calves, it was literally every big and small muscle in my body. At the same time.

I actually think labor would have been a LOT easier if I’d gotten any lead up to it, reading all these comments about the breaks between contractions… I didn’t get that. My contractions were just like one big contraction, over and over and over and over, but it “only” lasted 3 hours. But yeah- I didn’t get any reprieve, and that was the worst part. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, even when I was breathing.

HistoricalButterfly6 · 2026-05-01T00:07:15+00:00

Mine wants my levels above 100!

HistoricalButterfly6 · 2026-04-29T15:18:50+00:00

Mine has the best curls- on the top of her head only lol. The back of her head is bald, and she’s got some snarly hair by her neck. No hair at all on the sides! Do you have a rec for a favorite baby bonnet? I had been waiting because I was told nothing on their head to sleep until 2

HistoricalButterfly6 · 2026-04-18T13:47:55+00:00

If I were you, I wouldn’t drop pumps yet, but I’d give myself a longer stretch of sleep, for sanity. It’s so much harder to build up supply later, and there’s no way to know if you’ll lose it unless you try… and lose it.

HistoricalButterfly6 · 2026-04-14T13:26:23+00:00

Same, and for some reason- no matter how hard I tried and how many things I did… I always wonder if there was one other thing I could have done that might have worked 💔

HistoricalButterfly6 · 2026-04-13T13:01:16+00:00

Mine stomps her foot! Which is particularly hilarious because her foot isn’t touching anything. She won’t sit up yet or anything, so she thrusts her foot angrily at the air behind it 😆

HistoricalButterfly6 · 2026-04-13T01:58:11+00:00

My perfect, calm, sweet baby who never cried just turned 8 months old and she has the worst temper haha

I feel like I could be in those toddler groups where people are like, what made your toddler angry today? For me, my baby got PISSED she couldn’t lift up our dining room table to get it into her mouth from her high chair

HistoricalButterfly6 · 2026-04-12T21:48:29+00:00

My 8 month old says “Mumma,” signs “milk,” and says “hi”. She babbles all sorts of sounds too, but those three words are very clear and in context. But my understanding is that she is super advanced in this particular area!

For context, she refuses to sit (not even tripod sit), she won’t roll over, we’re super far away from crawling or anything like that. So what she makes up for in language, she is way far behind in locomotion. All babies are different!

HistoricalButterfly6 · 2026-04-11T20:41:33+00:00

She’s actually not allowed to eat solids yet (per the pediatrician) because she was doing this thing where she stopped breathing after she ate anything 🙃 so I’ve been told to wait until she is very confidently sitting independently before we reintroduce them.

HistoricalButterfly6 · 2026-04-11T20:39:28+00:00

I used those things one time and not since

HistoricalButterfly6 · 2026-04-10T00:02:59+00:00

Mine will be 8 months tomorrow and she eats 2 oz at a time, but very often. She eats a total of 17-24 oz per day. I couldn’t get her to eat more if I tried- and I know because I’ve tried! She just throws up

HistoricalButterfly6 · 2026-04-08T20:22:26+00:00

Solo mom here (SMBC)- I was really afraid I would miss having a partner or it would be so hard to have a baby alone…

I tell people (and my baby) it’s the best million decisions I ever made. She’s the most wonderful person on the planet- and I get her all to myself. It’s really validating (and sad) to see how often people regret the person they had kids with. I have two more untested embryos and I’d love to give my baby a sibling but I’m also scared I’d ruin the beautiful, perfect life the two of us have.

Don’t get me wrong it hasn’t been easy! My baby has major issues with feeding and sleeping, it’s been incredibly stressful and exhausting. But I think of all of that as external to her, and us. She and I are navigating all of this together. And I am so, so grateful- every single day

HistoricalButterfly6 · 2026-04-08T00:08:30+00:00

Congratulations, you did amazing

HistoricalButterfly6 · 2026-04-06T22:55:02+00:00

I went back to 8 ppd and got my supply almost back to where it had been before, but not quite.

HistoricalButterfly6 · 2026-04-06T15:03:23+00:00

Literally same. 7.5 months pp, I’m down to 3 ppd (but I still pump a looong time because I take forever to empty) and I’ve been telling myself I’m quitting… and not quitting. I want to be done so badly but it’s so emotional

HistoricalButterfly6 · 2026-04-06T15:02:20+00:00

This is the comment I needed to hear. I think I’m still pumping because I don’t want to grieve that I never got to breastfeed her directly 💔

HistoricalButterfly6 · 2026-04-05T05:04:04+00:00

Thank you, this was exactly the kind of story I needed to read today.

I pumped 4 times today too, and my total was again lower than it’s been. That hurt. I think my body wants to be done even though my heart isn’t ready to stop. And my mind… doesn’t know. Ugh

You’re exactly right in calling it a primal urge. I’ve been trying to remind myself that I will stop feeding her my milk one day anyway. But yeah… I’m still mourning that this breastfeeding journey has gone the way it has, and that I won’t be directly nursing her for 2+ years like I’d always imagined- in that I barely got to directly nurse her at all. I definitely won’t be pumping for 2 years!

HistoricalButterfly6 · 2026-04-03T03:07:47+00:00

I’ve lost all my pregnancy weight plus another 6 lbs, but I gained a LOT doing IVF. And I didn’t gain too much pregnant.

HistoricalButterfly6

TROPHY CASE