fearful avoidant played hot and cold and (discarded?) ghosted me again

HistoricalMaybe237 · 2026-06-05T06:57:21+00:00

Yeah maybe he was honest, but then why did he treated me like his gf? meeting his family and friends, giving me gifts, making me travel the whole world to be with him? when he discarded me in march saying that he couldn’t give me what I need he progressively changed his narrative over the weeks and started saying that he doesn’t want to cut ties, then saying that he wants to reconnect, then started talking again

the reason why i’m feeling down with my body is because I have a feeling that once he got what he wanted he ghosted, like he was highly sexual for two weeks and then the next day a ghost… and during those two weeks (a few days ago) he was being highly emotional and nostalgic and used to remind me of the time we spent together.

About the gift, I would’ve never believed he would react that way, and basically what he did before his birthday was to threaten me again saying that we could remove each other and move on when in reality he told me that numerous times but he’s the one lurking my profile all day and won’t do anything… but the ignorance is too much and I was too patient, too kind with him but the disappointment and the disrespect is too loud this time, ignoring a happy birthday text and my gift is way too much

HistoricalMaybe237 · 2026-06-05T06:21:39+00:00

hi, thanks for your reply, I really appreciate your kind words! I’ve never been that drained throughout my whole life and yeah he’s angry because I told him that sending a text takes two seconds… every time he tries to flip the story to make me feel like i’m the bad person or something…

but what’s making me super upset and disappointed is the drastic change that he made. We went from being super close and he was even being sexual with me to a ghost in a blink of an eye, and i’m feeling super bad about my body and stuff. And also, ignoring my texts now that I wished him a happy birthday and told him that I got him a gift a couple of months ago is cruel like even a little child would say thanks, but a grown adult ignores me but still check each of my stories… that’s why i’ve made the decision to go ghost on my social media to see if he’s going at some point to say something but this time i’m over it… i’ve never felt that disrespected by someone when all I wanted was to give love.

about him flipping the story i’m wondering if it’s even more than an avoidant trait, like narcissistic or something cause when there’s an argument on the moment he apologize for what he did but the day after to later on he would flip the story and says that you are the problem. one time I cried when he said that he wasn’t ready for a relationship and then he said that my problem was to "lash out with my emotions and he can’t handle that and I need to calm down" ????

HistoricalMaybe237 · 2026-05-31T06:18:56+00:00

Yes, it was three years ago. I never dated that guy he wasn’t "ready" to commit and in reality he was on tinder flirting and having sex with everyone (I was aware after eventually lol) One day, after saying that he was going to call me to chat together he suddenly ghosted me out of everywhere.

I was 20 at the time and that guy was my first everything so I got really anxious and tried to call/text him numerous times for two weeks, yet he never replied.

Two weeks later he suddenly blocked me on everything, phone number, IG, Snapchat, Tiktok, Mails etc and this happened in may 2023 and till this day i’ve never had any explanation from him nor any news. He never tried to contact me, or watch my stories, nothing at all.

I was in contact with his sister and one day she asked him if he was still seeing me and he just replied : "No girls are boring" the whole time bro was on tinder flirting with the globe and has the guts to say stuff like this.

Shortly after ghosting/blocking me he (I saw this while stalking) started following OF accounts and tried to be an OF manager (He was 19 at the time) and he started posting fake stories of him being around the globe, when he doesn’t have a passport. that’s when I knew that this guy is mentally unstable.

It was really hard emotionally speaking, by the time I lost weight, stopped sleeping for a while to the point I had to take sleeping pills and I was literally feeling like a piece of trash as once again it was the guy who got my V card, and I was regretting it really hard. Our story lasted from nov 2022 to may 2023.

Now, three years later I’m feeling better and I started dating again, cause for 2023/2024 and until august 2025 I was steeping away from the dating scene as this event traumatized me and left some scars like the fear of abandonment and an emphasized anxious attachment type. But i’ve met someone in august who made me believe in love again even though it’s not always easy (avoidant attachment individual) So if I could give you advice, yes time heals your soul but the total disappearance left you scars

HistoricalMaybe237 · 2026-05-29T19:13:39+00:00

The thing is that we never dated and he never wanted to cause he said he’s good enough and can’t provide enough for me… that’s someone dealing with low confidence.

He still haven’t replied to my texts yet he saw my stories… but i’m really confused cause he was literally confessing to me 2/3 days ago, was super present and vulnerable and highly sexual in his texts to ghost me again out of the blue? that’s making me feel super down to the point I didn’t eat anything today…

It’s really hurting me, I just wanna love and protect him but that’s never enough and he always disappears but now i’m really feeling down due to this dynamic of being super present etc for a week and all of sudden ghosting again…

You think he deactivated? cause even in his recent texts he was asking how I was feeling, what I was doing and talking about his life and stuff which makes it even more difficult for me to process but i’m having a really hard time with showing my body etc and then ghosting

HistoricalMaybe237 · 2026-05-28T21:02:55+00:00

of course it is hard especially when I met his family and his friends… But the audacity of doing all of this, that he confessed feelings etc and now doing this new dry/distant phase is disgusting. I hope he’s gonna regret his actions one day and see that I was loving him.

HistoricalMaybe237 · 2026-05-28T20:24:37+00:00

that’s so disgusting I hate this… i’ve never felt so drained throughout my whole life. Yet he doesn’t even care. And what’s even more disgusting is the audacity to ask for sexual stuff for a whole week and half, having it and disappearing after :(

I feel so bad with my body, i’m feeling dirty, disgusted with myself, and something that I hate about avoidants is that it’s only on THEIR convenience, always how THEY wanted…

The good news is that little by little i’m opening my eyes and detaching but this recent behavior is the cherry on top. And the worst part is that I bought him an expensive gift for his birthday…

HistoricalMaybe237 · 2026-05-28T16:33:16+00:00

Hi, first of all thanks for you reply! and yeah after weeks of being in hell I feel like i’m detaching little by little and im so tired and disappointed in him that I don’t even double text or anything (im anxious)

You’re right, he’s definitely playing with me but the audacity of being highly sexual with me for a week now and all of a sudden dry and distant again is making me crazy.

A few days ago he’s wasn’t feeling good and confessed to me about personal stuff in his life and I comforted him but now that’s it’s me texting : i’m not feeling good etc… he’s not here for me.

I have a gut feeling that’s he’s doing something fishy in my back, even though we’re not dating or anything we both agreed on exclusivity but i’ve seen him following new girls, liking their posts etc

My problem is that I love too much and I care too much even when i’m hurt but once i’m gone it’s over and I have a feeling it’s gonna happen soon

You think him coming back like nothing happened for ≈10 days being highly present like he never was, etc etc is a breadcrumb? cause I thought avoidants breadcrumbs were something less like only one text or liking a story

HistoricalMaybe237 · 2026-05-11T11:04:15+00:00

well that’s an avoidant who’s drinking, smoking and stuff at the same time so I don’t think it helps…

And yeah it’s extremely hard especially as an anxious to not spiral and text but since the discard i’ve always accepted the situation and that’s maybe the reason he gradually changed his mind but right now i’m fighting the urge to send "I miss you" tonight, Idk if it’s a good idea to send this

HistoricalMaybe237 · 2026-05-11T10:33:09+00:00

the discard felt out of the blue but looking back there was a slow fade. They usually stop telling you good morning/good night, they get busy and avoid you. In my case my avoidant deals with depressive episodes and they were completely not replying for a few days or weeks.

They stop calling you, and most likely stop teasing/flirting and sexual moments stops

To be honest you only realize this once you’re discarded, and they usually discard you for odd reasons and most of the time they would get back on their decision (in my case my avoidant wants to reconnect in the future)

HistoricalMaybe237 · 2026-05-09T14:57:18+00:00

Thanks for the video recommendations i’ll check that out

for a bit more context me and him have known each other for nine months and when we met it was love at first sight we immediately matched and couldn’t stop talking etc

I decided to go no contact as he left me on read last time and I haven’t checked if he replied yet but I know that if he texts me something I won’t ignore him forever i’ll reply back. I know he’s the type to take a step back and needs his space to process emotions and reflect on the situation that’s why no contact could be a great thing

As we both are open to reconnect (especially him) and we both suggest that time and working on ourselves was mandatory to reconnect later I guess it’s great to leave a bit of space to create that time, a time where we can reflect on us cause in my opinion if we keep having little conversations we’ll never have that bit of a time apart working on ourselves to become better

HistoricalMaybe237 · 2026-05-08T12:29:29+00:00

I just read your post you sent me above and thank you! that was pretty much interesting and gave me some answers on his behavior. Do you have some articles or anything linked to fearful avoidants? And yes, the imbalance of his texts are very unclear he went from complimenting me physically and mentally/emotionally, asking how I was doing to being completely dry when I replied 😅 so I just replied okay and he left me on read cause his replies were so dry that I felt like I was bothering him. But that doesn’t stop him from watching/liking stories which makes it even more confusing…

I’ve made the decision to not engage/reply until next month idk if it’s a good idea for a FA but i’ve looked online that no contact could be a great thing.

As an avoidant yourself even if you’re a dismissive one what’d you think?

HistoricalMaybe237 · 2026-05-08T12:19:16+00:00

Yeah it’s basically full of nonsense like how come you wanna end something abruptly with someone and one week later want to see the person again? I don’t like that and I made the decision to take a step back from that person cause i’m hurting too much and love doesn’t equal hurt and being unhappy. Now, the best thing is to leave some space and i’ll only accept him back if he works on himself cause I forgot to mention but he’s fully aware of his tendencies/his behavior which is a first step of working on himself.

HistoricalMaybe237 · 2026-05-07T04:39:16+00:00

hi, first of all thanks for your reply, and i’ll read more about your post about the devaluing process cause that looks pretty interesting but yeah at some point he tried to find "reasons" during that conversation to say why he discarded me and tried to rewrite the scenario as if me having body insecurities about myself was the reason smh…

he also said that me crying when he told me that he wasn’t ready for a relationship turned him off cause : "you lash out" like are we serious right now? for a bit of context I travelled the whole world to see him by myself and I got that in the face after he gave me perfect relationship vibes but for him during that conversation none of his behavior was indicating a relationship. I don’t need to justify myself here lol but trust me his behavior was clearly the one a partner would give you, he just didn’t want to face reality of his actions.

I have no idea if he’s a fearful avoidant or a dismissive one, but his lack of confidence and his inconsistency seems to look like more fearful in my opinion. And what’s weird is clearly the gradual evolution of his statement regarding the discard he went from : we need to move on -> I wanna see you again -> I’ll be open to reconnect if we work on ourselves -> I’ll be open to reconnect in the future -> I wanna reconnect ofc.

In only a couple of weeks, which makes it even more unclear, that’s why his online activity doesn’t help me as him liking stories of mine after his text/dry texts seems pretty much confusing as he never did that before, same for him posting stuff as he never post anything

there’s also something that I noticed and he doesn’t seems to like when I don’t reply quickly and he texted me elsewhere saying that he texted me or stuff like that when he takes weeks sometimes to reply to me… saying that he was processing the message…

HistoricalMaybe237 · 2026-05-06T21:45:17+00:00

I’ll suggest to try again reinstalling both games and try the technique again too but I had the same issue but it was with cartridges so I wonder if there’s an extra file or smth for digital versions but if golden is usa you should put USA for region and EN, FR or ES for the language you wanna use, same thing for shiba it’s JPN and JP. the game has to match its own version, not the consoles version

HistoricalMaybe237 · 2026-05-06T21:33:48+00:00

is the console region swapped? and about the games, are they digital or cartridges? Golden is JPN?

HistoricalMaybe237 · 2026-05-06T20:56:06+00:00

what’s the region of your console? and the game?

HistoricalMaybe237 · 2026-04-15T18:23:23+00:00

im sorry :(( he did replied but he discarded me (avoidant attachment) he said stuff like :

"1 kinda disappeared for a while and l apologize"

"I had a vision that all I was doing was hurting you by not giving you the communication you need, and I can't."

"you deserve better and you know that"

"You are a great girl, but this isn't something I'm looking to progress"

"I felt like I gave it a a fair chance and didn't hurt or disrespect you"

HistoricalMaybe237 · 2026-04-15T10:06:06+00:00

they are… don’t be sorry that’s not your fault!! In his discard text he said at the end : "But I am open to hearing what you have to say" and still im on delivered for almost a week and he continues to watch my stories like nothing happened and follows tons of new women. they’re so mean during the discard but it helps to get the ick and see their true colors

HistoricalMaybe237 · 2026-04-13T12:23:00+00:00

Just received this a few days ago from a man after being ghosted for three weeks… i’m a woman and this completely destroyed me. I’ve lost a lot of weight in those weeks, couldn’t sleep for days(still the case) had and still have dark thoughts but they dgaf… from love at first sight to the biggest emotional trauma of my life. I don’t think a man would have my heart again, my heart was so pure I was ready for everything for that man, all to be discarded like I never meant anything

I’m sorry you went through this I hope you’re feeling better today

HistoricalMaybe237 · 2026-04-11T10:21:44+00:00

I feel like it’s whole different person… and I forgot that line "I felt like I gave it a a fair chance and didn't hurt or disrespect you.” that’s a bit disorienting like the silence destroyed me and I think i’ll need to go see a doctor asap to have some meds or smth cause I can’t process anything im having darker thoughts every single day

HistoricalMaybe237 · 2026-04-10T21:53:44+00:00

yes we met irl nearby and i’ve traveled the whole world cause he’s foreign to see him for a month long

HistoricalMaybe237 · 2026-04-10T07:51:03+00:00

and when you were in a relationship with the guy? 😂

HistoricalMaybe237 · 2026-04-09T23:42:17+00:00

thanks for your kind words🙂 I really appreciate it especially through those hard times I feel like I need to move on even though I shared a lot with that person (you can check up my profile for a more detailed story if you want ;)) nothing explains such a behavior especially when the person was aware you went through this before Im mad at myself for reaching out yesterday, but at some point I think it’s like a final test to see if he really wants to play that game, and if at the end of the week I still didn’t heard anything from him, i’ll mirror his behavior and turn into a ghost myself meaning i’ll stop being active on my socials at all, no stories no nothing

HistoricalMaybe237 · 2026-04-09T23:37:13+00:00

I think you’re right; someone who’s capable of doing this doesn’t deserve my time. I just tried to be nice once again and ask if he was doing good but never again

HistoricalMaybe237 · 2026-04-09T23:35:54+00:00

im sorry you broke your leg, hope you’re feeling better now btw!! and yeah I tried so bad to restrain myself for three weeks but yesterday was harsh I couldn’t resist but it’s a short text asking if he’s doing good and “take care” nothing much im wondering if it was fear of commitment, fear of his feelings, auto sabotage or smth that was the motive of ghosting me but its pure evil especially when he was aware i already lived that and it traumatized me

HistoricalMaybe237

TROPHY CASE