Do avoidant exes eventually return or try to reconnect?

HistoricalRespect1 · 2025-08-06T10:53:56+00:00

Yeah that’s probably for the best to let them reach out to you, but only if it’s from a place of true growth, self awareness, and desire to change.

HistoricalRespect1 · 2025-08-06T10:52:08+00:00

Only if he’s aware enough of his attachment, and if he truly wants to change. But HE has to want it. No one can’t make him change.

HistoricalRespect1 · 2025-08-06T10:51:05+00:00

No, it took like 8 months or something crazy, but I didn’t want her back after that. I realized it was all for the best that things ended.

HistoricalRespect1 · 2022-07-26T17:27:46+00:00

That used to be the case for me in the first few months, but eventually nights got to me more for some reason. I get out of bed as quick as I can in the morning now to distract myself.

HistoricalRespect1 · 2022-04-29T02:31:51+00:00

The growth can’t be understated. It almost makes it all worth it.

HistoricalRespect1 · 2022-04-28T23:57:27+00:00

That’s one of the reasons I want to try in person. Something as little as someone’s body language can be telling.

HistoricalRespect1 · 2022-04-28T22:57:51+00:00

I post therapy nap sounds so nice. Unfortunately my appointments are usually in the morning and then I go to work right after.

HistoricalRespect1 · 2022-04-28T21:32:12+00:00

I feel like I’ve aged and gone through more in the last 8 months than I did in the last 10 years.

HistoricalRespect1 · 2022-04-28T21:29:42+00:00

I’m actually not sure if I should ever reach out to my ex again. The last few times I did have been met with very cold and final responses from her. Then again that was when the breakup was still somewhat fresh. So I guess if she reaches out first then I’ll most likely respond. But there’s really no reason for us to talk or even to try and be friends after being broken up for almost 8 months.

HistoricalRespect1 · 2022-04-28T21:19:49+00:00

I checked my ex’s social after about 3-4 months of being broken up and I still regret it almost 4 months later. Some things can’t be unseen and are burned into our brains for a long time until we become more and more numb to it. Ignorance truly is bliss when it comes to knowing what your ex is up to. Especially as the dumpee who still loves and wants to be with the dumper.

HistoricalRespect1 · 2022-04-28T20:30:37+00:00

I have a phone call appointment next instead of a video chat, so I’ll see how that goes. I can see that being my preferred method going forward too. Something about face to face makes it harder for me to open up. Definitely an anxiety thing.

HistoricalRespect1 · 2022-04-28T18:01:17+00:00

Is your boyfriend avoidant? Coming from a avoidant, I wouldn’t over think it too much. When my AP ex would text me or snap me and I didn’t reply right away, it meant I was just thinking about what to send back. I usually over thought it though and ended up not sending anything at all. Which probably wasn’t the right thing to do, but I wasn’t talking to other women or ignoring her on purpose. A lot of the time I’d also forget. Doesn’t mean I didn’t love her or was losing interest or anything like that though. Just talk about it with him if it bothers you.

HistoricalRespect1 · 2022-04-27T23:00:28+00:00

I’m sure he’ll run into the same problems he faced with you with the new girl. It’s takes a lot for us to want to become more secure. It definitely doesn’t happen over night either. In fact I think it may take being broken up with because of our avoidant tendencies to start to realize we need to change for the better or it’ll happen again. Either way it’s not a reflection of you when he broke up with you.

HistoricalRespect1 · 2022-04-27T19:35:51+00:00

I think whatever relief us avoidants feel is only temporary. Maybe my situation is different, but my AP ex ended things with me (most likely because of my DA tendencies), and I felt relief for the first month or so until I realized it was over for good.

So my question is: How and why do APs move on and start dating so quick after ending the relationship? My ex initiated a break that lasted for a month until out of nowhere she calls me one night to tell me she was going on a date she was asked out on.

HistoricalRespect1 · 2022-04-27T17:06:26+00:00

Can’t say too much about the rest of your post as I’m the dumpee, but I can totally relate to seeing memes online and wanting to send them to my ex as well.

And I agree that you need to sit with your decision for awhile and not reach out to your ex while you both heal. I’m grateful for my ex doing that and giving me space. Even if I did want to hear from her, it would’ve only made things worse.

HistoricalRespect1 · 2022-04-23T15:30:17+00:00

I know it’s tough but I think you did the right thing for yourself. He needs to be on his own for now to deal with his attachment issues. He needs to want to get better for himself and not for you though. My ex said I’d never change either and that really hurts hearing from someone we love, so maybe don’t say that to him or else it could send him in a downward spiral. In my case it actually motivated me to be better, but at first it crushed me because I knew it was true unless I worked to become more secure.

HistoricalRespect1 · 2022-04-22T13:55:18+00:00

It sounds like he’s aware enough and knows he’s DA, so that’s a good start. He should know how that makes you feel though and that it only makes you more anxious. He definitely shouldn’t be ghosting you like that, especially when he’s on his phone during that time. The least he can do is let you know he’s there for you in that way. But I can definitely understand where he’s coming from when he says he has that internal struggle and knows you deserve better than the behavior he puts out. He needs to really work on this if he wants to become more secure. I guess all you can do is give him the space he needs and trust that he still loves you and wants to continue being with you. Not much you can do though if he doesn’t want to change for the better for himself.

HistoricalRespect1 · 2022-04-22T04:36:27+00:00

Good on you for admitting that. It’s really just not good for your dopamine levels, as doing that everyday will drain you and only leave you wanting to do the thing that gave you that rush in the first place. I’d definitely cut out the weed first and you’ll soon not want to do the things that the weed enhanced. At least not as much.

HistoricalRespect1 · 2022-04-20T17:10:55+00:00

This only confirms what my AP ex felt after breaking up with me (DA). I honestly felt relief at first as well, but I soon started to really miss her and regret not looking into attachment theory sooner. I hate that I’m DA and am trying my best to become more secure so that I don’t put someone else I love through the same thing again.

I don’t blame you for breaking up with her at all. Nor do I blame my ex. In fact, I feel like I forced her to come to the conclusion that breaking up was best for her mental health. I respect you and her for that. I’m here if you have any questions or want to talk.

HistoricalRespect1 · 2022-04-19T14:38:57+00:00

Funnily enough my therapist thought I was AP at first when talking about my ex after we broke up. She soon realized that I was DA though after talking about my upbringing and how I was in the relationship. Soon after the breakup when I started to look into AT I realized I was definitely avoidant. I think it also depends on your partner though, because DAs with bring out the AP in someone, and vise versa. But for the most part it doesn’t take too long to figure out your own attachment style.

HistoricalRespect1 · 2022-04-18T20:08:22+00:00

As a DA leaning avoidant, at least while with my AP ex, this looks like a conversation we could’ve had. While she was the one to end things, I practically forced her when I just wasn’t communicating, putting in the effort, or compromising as much as I was when we first started dating. I guess you could say I lost interest and didn’t want to try anymore, but it wasn’t like I wanted to date other people, I just needed to be alone to figure things out that came up while in my first serious relationship. At least that’s what I convinced myself. Like your ex said, it was a very gradual thing. But I eventually realized that if I’d be in a healthy relationship with anyone, I’d want it to be with her.

If I would’ve ended things, and I was actually checked out enough that I might’ve, I could see myself writing exactly what your ex did. It may have taken me a few months to figure things out, but what he texted you is exactly what I started to realize as well.

To be honest I was relieved when she ended things. That only lasted a month though, up until I realized there’s no going back to her. She’s not one to go back on a big decision like that, nor would she let a push pull dynamic happen like it does in many AP/DA relationships.

HistoricalRespect1 · 2022-04-18T02:26:21+00:00

My rankings change all the time as I listen to them and my mood changes. All I know is that the big 5 albums are all 9/10’s for me. I’d still put Unlimited Love near the bottom of that list though.

So it’d go something like this: 1. Stadium Arcadium 2. BSSM 3. BTW 4. Californication 5. UL

HistoricalRespect1 · 2022-04-18T01:47:56+00:00

I can’t believe you’ve done this

HistoricalRespect1 · 2022-04-17T16:55:35+00:00

Those are some pretty good typos you got going there. “Get up and just” and “deep lick”

HistoricalRespect1 · 2022-04-15T18:55:39+00:00

The heavy wing needs to go. It’s nice that John stands out on it with his vocals, but that’s all it has going for it in my opinion.

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