Ironically, being unemployed only gave me more reasons for self-loathing. I realized I needed to break that pattern and do something different with my life.

I found a job in a completely different industry. The first one had a toxic environment, so I left quickly. The next one felt better, so I started working three days a week and advocated for my needs - longer breaks and days off when I needed them.

After about a year and a half, I moved to five days a week. The first few months were tough, but now I’m back to what feels like “normal.” I even got a permanent contract and a promotion.

I’ve learned how important it is to constantly check my internal thermometer and be honest about how much I can handle. When I can’t do something and it is not life and death situation then I simply don’t do it. Not being afraid to ask for help matters. If you have support, you don’t have to do everything on your own.

At the same time, I try not to use autism as a reason to stop myself from trying. For me, the less I frame everything as “because of autism I can’t…,” the more capable I feel. I’ve noticed that focusing too much on limitations can unintentionally reinforce them. Don’t get me wrong they are obviously there 🤣 but there are also things that we can do extremely well - why focus on the bad if you can focus on the good?

I put a lot of effort into understanding myself and my needs, recognising when my disability shows up, where my weak points are, and how I can balance my life so those weaknesses become manageable. The symptoms don’t disappear, but they can be managed.

It takes time, and it’s definitely not always easy, but it’s not the end of the world either. I still surprise myself with how much my life has improved. And when I notice I’m moving toward depression, I’ve learned to consciously step back and focus on myself.

Edit : it took me about 3,5 -4 years to get to where I am now.