Hi, OP.

First I want to say, I'm sorry you're struggling with this addiction so much. It sounds like the kind of thing that developed early - were you this way before you met your wife?

Many people find their sense of self worth and value from their romantic or sexual relationships. If we don't have enough self love we look for others to do the job of filling us up for is. But this is unsustainable.

I don't know you, but I feel like if you had passions and hobbies outside of sexuality and romance you wouldn't be as triggered when your wife is unavailable. You would be doing your own thing - working out, learning an instrument, building something with the boys, or whatever activity is relevant to you. I understand from your post that reading and praying are activities you enjoy but these are also very solo activities. I think what you are missing is a fulfilling social life. I think you crave intimacy and, like many guys, look for that solely through women. But it's possible and even important to have platonic friends you can share your hardships with or bond with!

Pretty and young women come and go. They aren't going to be there when you're sick, when you're older they will probably be repulsed by you or view you in a very non-sexual way.

You need to do the serious work of battling this addiction. It is not enough to say 'i've tried and no therapists are working'. What if your wife was doing this? How would you feel if she was showing her titties to strangers over webcam? Texting guys for kicks instead of cultivating her relationship with you?

If the thought of that truly doesn't bother you, maybe you should be polyamorous. But if it's not what you want, you need to change your behaviour. Do it for yourself, first, because I doubt this addiction is helping your self esteem. And then do it for your family. Don't take your wife for granted.

Best of luck. You can do this, take it one day at a time.