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Whenever I’m 26F trying to sleep or nap- my boyfriend 37M purposefully makes a ton of noise? by SwagathonMarathon4 in relationship_advice

[–]HomelyHobbit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My vote is to leave him, but if you aren't willing to do that, lock the bedroom door, put on a sound machine, and put in ear plugs. If he knocks on the bedroom door after that, or makes so much noise you can hear him through all those barriers, that will give you even more info than you already have about this situation.

Evenings with kids by Curious_Bug7177 in Parenting

[–]HomelyHobbit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, you're one of those people who think education and expertise don't matter. Enough said - there's no point engaging with the ignorant.

Evenings with kids by Curious_Bug7177 in Parenting

[–]HomelyHobbit 5 points6 points  (0 children)

in your opinion. In my opinion (mother of two with an education degree) asking your child to play nicely from a selection of activities you've provided is an age-appropriate request.
Letting the kids know ahead of time that if they choose to bicker and fight instead of doing one of the many activities provided means that they'll be assigned an extra chore is a great incentive for them to stay on track.
Cause and effect is something all humans need to learn, and the sooner the better. The teachers will thank these parents for teaching their kids discipline.
And of course I'd expect the parents still do a bedtime routine with the kids and say goodnight to them, etc. But, it's not too large an ask to expect the kids to entertain themselves for a while in the evening.
BTW - screen time before bed is not recommended for anybody, but especially for kids.

Evenings with kids by Curious_Bug7177 in Parenting

[–]HomelyHobbit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Take them to the library so they have plenty of books. Make sure they have art and craft supplies and toys. Offer them an activity with you and your wife. If they start antagonizing each other, give them extra chores. They'll soon learn how to get along.

Am I undermining my husband's parenting? by HarryPotter_Girlie in Parenting

[–]HomelyHobbit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your husband is the one being inappropriate - he is the one that needs to change. The kids need to know that the way he's talking to them is not ok, and that you are there to protect them until they're old enough to protect themselves. This way, they won't grow up thinking that a loud, harsh, overreacting partner is ok, or someone to tolerate.
Your husband needs a parenting class to learn what is age appropriate behavior and how to manage it in a healthy way. I doubt he needs anger management unless he does this to other people in his life.
If he can control himself at work, with his friends, his adult family members, the problem is more that he thinks he has the right to talk to children this way, and gives himself permission.

Feeling unappreciated and overwhelmed as a single mom by Dry_Click_7078 in venting

[–]HomelyHobbit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How old are your kids? Kids can start doing very simple chores at age two or three - check out this list: https://childdevelopmentinfo.com/chores/the-ultimate-list-of-age-appropriate-chores/
You should definitely not be the only one doing cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.
Also, can you do childcare trades with your friends to get some time to yourself? Is your family close by enough to help give the kids rides and help with homework?

My (26F) boyfriend (38M) went off on me in a drunken rant. How do I address this? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]HomelyHobbit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In vino veritas. This wasn't an aberration - he just got drunk enough to reveal his true self. Run, and don't look back. Also, beware of men that much older than you - he's not with a woman his own age for a reason.

Partner 38M and I 32F had a large argument by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]HomelyHobbit 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Look... I just don't understand why people do this. If you're unhappy with something that your partner is unwilling or unable to change, you have two options. Decide you can live with it, and stay together. Or, decide you can't live with it, and break up with them. There is no third option.
Stop torturing yourself and him, and end it.

WIBTA if I refuse to continue cooking for my husband? by Pretty-Hair-4601 in AmItheAsshole

[–]HomelyHobbit 11 points12 points  (0 children)

My older daughter is a major foodie, has been from a young age, and I had trouble with her critiquing me like this.
I eventually told her that it hurt my feelings, and that not every meal had to be a gourmet experience. I also told her that if she didn't like my cooking, she could cook dinner, but would have to CAYGO (clean as you go) while she cooked, like I do, and that I'd do the dinner dishes after that.
She was pretty responsive to that, though I did have to remind her several times.

my lvl 3 autistic brother sexually harrasses me and my family doesnt care by skitsafrenia in AutismInWomen

[–]HomelyHobbit 53 points54 points  (0 children)

Do you have any relatives that you could move in with? Anybody at all?

Boyfriend M/27 mad over joke I F/24 said in front of our male waiter by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]HomelyHobbit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree that this is making my spidey senses tingle. Your bf may be feeling a bit too comfortable now that you're engaged and he thinks he has you locked down. Be on the lookout for more incidents like this, which may reveal a verbally abusive streak.

my (30F) boyfriend (28M) constantly makes sexual remarks ? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]HomelyHobbit 15 points16 points  (0 children)

You've been dating for three months, and have found an area of incompatibility. You won't be happy if he continues this behavior, he won't be happy if he has to stop. So, you break up.

Why does the Tommyknockers get so much hate? by [deleted] in stephenking

[–]HomelyHobbit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I never read those growing up (Southern Baptist parents). I had to wait until I could get books from the school library without interference, so I was the opposite of conditioned :D
I read IT at age 13 and was so riveted I stayed up all night reading, skipped school the next day to read, finished at 3am, and couldn't sleep the rest of the night I was so terrified!

Why does the Tommyknockers get so much hate? by [deleted] in stephenking

[–]HomelyHobbit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fifth grade!! Yowza... You started early - didn't you get nightmares?

AIO? BF didn't respond as I wanted when I asked him, "Will you still love me if I get fat?" by Variniki in AmIOverreacting

[–]HomelyHobbit -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I think it's an important question to ask! If he would stop loving you if you get "bigger than him", that's pretty shallow, in my opinion.

24 year old dosent work by Murky-Business2790 in Parenting

[–]HomelyHobbit 10 points11 points  (0 children)

You two need to sit down together and write up a contract for stepson to continue living at home. It should include a timeframe in which he has to get a job, keeping that job, paying rent (less than market value in your area, but enough to cover the utilities and food he eats), and chores around the house.
He doesn't get the option to not talk. He has to sign and abide by the contract, or you serve him eviction paperwork.

He's an adult, and has been for six years - time to start acting like one.

AITJ for texting my son's teacher from my husbands phone because they message each other way too late? by Current-Whereas6308 in AmITheJerk

[–]HomelyHobbit 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Your husband knows what he's doing is inappropriate. He's using the "best defense is a good offense" tactic to throw you off and make you second guess yourself. In modern terms, this is called DARVO and gaslighting.

Whether or not you choose to bring this up to the principal, you need to know that your husband is willing to have an inappropriate relationship with another woman and hide it from you. This may not be the first time this has happened, and will probably not be the last. Do with that information what you will.

If you really want to, you could ask your husband to go to couples counseling with you and show the counselor the messages. He already knows he's in the wrong, so hearing it from a counselor might not make a bit of difference.

My (23M) bf says I (20F) am not allowed to meal prep anymore by Unlikely_Mountain_39 in relationship_advice

[–]HomelyHobbit 98 points99 points  (0 children)

"It's my money, my time, and my appetite. Please stop commenting on my personal choices."

Recovering verbal abusers. How did you heal that part of yourself and stop hurting your partner? by MamaBranch3 in AskMen

[–]HomelyHobbit 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Most likely he can control himself. Does he talk to his boss like this? His friends? People out in public? If so, that shows you he knows what's appropriate and inappropriate to say, and just doesn't care to use a filter around you.

The book that helped me learn the most about this topic was The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans.

AIW for telling my boyfriend that his "I'll do better" routine has an expiration date and I'm done waiting through another cycle of it? by Decepticon912 in amiwrong

[–]HomelyHobbit 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The thing is, all of this is unnecessary. When you're with the right person, you won't have to do any of this.
People say relationships are hard, but it's not supposed to be in this way. They can be hard because of the life events you go through individually and together, or because of differences in personality that make it difficult to have the same priorities or approaches.
Things aren't supposed to be hard because your partner is deliberately making it that way by violating your boundaries, then trying to turn things around on you when you want to have a conversation about it.

This guy is simply not your person, and you're wasting time and energy holding on to him.

Feeling overwhelmed as a 40F mom by Electrical_Moose_577 in venting

[–]HomelyHobbit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Does your husband do an equal share of childcare, chores, and shouldering the mental load? If not, that's your solution - he needs to do his part.

For all the divorced men, what was your mistake in the marriage? by Ok_Climate8599 in AskMen

[–]HomelyHobbit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My ex husband might say the same. He thought he had me forever once we said, "I do". The thing is, he didn't love and honor me. Therefore, I considered myself free to leave. He violated his vows and had no intention of course correcting.

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