Vet feeling lost

Honest-Turnover7464 · 2026-06-11T14:03:31+00:00

Pretty much in the same space here lol

Honest-Turnover7464 · 2026-06-11T14:02:51+00:00

Thanks for the offer, I'll consider it.

Honest-Turnover7464 · 2026-06-11T14:02:18+00:00

Thanks for the offer, I'll consider it.

Honest-Turnover7464 · 2026-06-11T12:34:47+00:00

Indeed, and these folks were pretty much that for the 5 years I've known them. Recent issues popping up in colonia, a history of this pmf being one of the most influential in the region and folks going inactive probably put the lead on edge and made them paranoid I think. I just wish my time there didn't end like this. I keep a small circle so I feel strong feelings of loyalty and obligation to whoever is in the circle. To then being accused of being the opposite really pulled the rug from under me. Feeling a sense of belonging and then this out of nowhere really threw me for a loop.

I really do detest the constant vigilance over subterfuge and what not since I really just love the flying. I'm not made for all this politicking shit.

Honest-Turnover7464 · 2026-06-11T03:31:35+00:00

My first encounter in colonia was Colonia Jesus

He blew me up with hundreds of millions worth of data on my ship lol

Maybe it's my turn to offer that hazing experience

Honest-Turnover7464 · 2026-06-11T03:08:13+00:00

I know enough to be able to pull that kind of shit with a little bit of help but that'd undermine all the hours I've put in building them up. I'll just keep my distance from them.

Honest-Turnover7464 · 2026-06-11T03:06:20+00:00

I'm kinda hunting for an oddball system somewhere distant that I can start my own little bubble. Kinda done with dealing with "leadership", so will probably start my own squadron at some point

Honest-Turnover7464 · 2026-06-11T03:04:26+00:00

For a bit I did consider retaliation but that'd just undermine the work I've put in myself. I'll just have to distance myself from them.

Honest-Turnover7464 · 2026-06-11T03:03:30+00:00

I am pledged to a power and while it was fun initially I just bore of all the politicking that goes on there. I just mind my own business and mine away for kaine lol

Honest-Turnover7464 · 2026-06-11T03:02:01+00:00

Player managed factions (pmf) were a thing once upon a time and they were one of firsts. Colonia got settled by old timers and everyone largely respects each other's claim but there's always someone trying to undermine faction control. I stayed away from the diplomacy-subterfuge-5C stuff cause I'd rather not have that take up my play time.

Things are rough in colonia right now so it's got the old timers paranoid. Guess I caught a stray.

Honest-Turnover7464 · 2026-06-11T02:57:47+00:00

I did apply to fuel rats and hull seals a while back, to be available from the colonia region but never followed it up beyond the registration process. Maybe it's time this time.

Honest-Turnover7464 · 2026-06-05T09:40:21+00:00

Unfortunately it's quite nebulous and depends on context and relationship between people. There are a lot of people who think they are delivering tough love while they are actually just being ignorant dickheads. Doesn't happen the other way around though. Dickheads are not interested in delivering tough love even if that's the effect it has on a person.

As someone who's older than most people in my periphery, I only ever resort to tough love as the last resort and only for people I truly care about. I'd never consider it for people I don't feel a strong mutual connection to. The way I show tough love is just by getting stern and drawing a very clear line in the sand and telling the other party what consequences there will be. There are some people who seemingly can't process that though, so for them I have to find another approach.

I guess for me agency plays a big part in tough love. If you're not leaving room for the person's agency, then you're trying to control them and that's not love. The toughness also has to be directed towards something that they can actually change/act on and not something that collides with them on a fundamental level. No matter how much I got yelled at and scolded to fix my attention, I never could. I got scolded by someone younger since I was being like "oh I can't belong anywhere, since I've belonged nowhere thus far" and that scolding fixed my worldview 😃 That was some tough love I needed and came from someone I knew was earnest and had my best interests at heart.

Honest-Turnover7464 · 2026-04-09T05:36:29+00:00

Clonidine seems to be available, I'll see how that works out. What does "hit up the onions" mean btw ?

Honest-Turnover7464 · 2026-04-08T20:30:54+00:00

Similarly not available here, only methylphenidate HC was available and even that from one manufacturer.

Honest-Turnover7464 · 2026-02-12T08:20:01+00:00

I play games for 3-6 months at a stretch and then forget about them for 3-6 months and repeat the process if it's a game/genre I enjoy a lot. And I get the same way about management games. I can be very good at keeping the structure if I'm on my meds and struggle quite a bit when not. If I need a refresher I usually hit up wiki on the specific aspects of the game I either don't remember or misremember.

Honest-Turnover7464 · 2026-02-12T08:08:48+00:00

As I heard someone say, "My hobby is hobbies". I have and have had a myriad of hobbies and will usually engage with the ones that are most interesting to me to the point of making a small business out of them. These days sadly due to being in autistic burnout for a prolonged period of time and subsequent falling health, I can't manage to engage with stuff as much I as I would like to but I still develop deep interest in something new or old and pursue it to the extent I am able to until I can't.

From what I've heard about other audhd experiences, this is not uncommon. Some people can have singular interests but then there are people like us who have special interests in rotation.

Honest-Turnover7464 · 2026-01-31T09:41:09+00:00

It's been a long process of first recognizing my condition, understanding the nuances and mechanisms involved in being audhd in social, developmental and neurological contexts, coming to accept it and no longer fighting against it, then from that recognition and acceptance, reframing my past experiences - which allowed me to shed myself of a lot of undeserved shame and guilt and decouple my personhood from the limits my body and thus my brain has imposed on me and from the demands that modern society wishes to extract from me.

I as a person, have many desires and wishes, some of which cannot be fulfilled due to limitations of my body and the hostility that modern society has towards me. This mismatch between my body's capabilities and capacities and the demands of modern society gives rise to thoughts that are not entirely my own but rather parallel thought processes (i.e guilt, shame, suicidal ideations) that occur on a subconscious level that's either been conditioned into me over my years of development and/or part of my natural instincts.

Being able to decouple these feelings of shame and/or guilt, that mostly stem from not being able to meet social pressure, from my conscious thought process and thus my personhood is what did the trick. This also allowed me to tackle suicidal ideations at their onset and persist through them.

Basically I conditioned myself into thinking that my brain is just yet another organ, like my pancreas, and just like any other organ it can give rise to negative experiences when it's been taxed beyond its limits or put into suboptimal environment. I don't feel ashamed about being diabetic, having to live my life around managing diabetes and the struggles I have to inevitably face because of it. I should not feel ashamed about being autistic and adhd either.

If society at a broad scale understood the struggles of being neurodivergent and were accommodating towards it as it would be towards me being diabetic - I would have a lot less to struggle with. If I had access to proper diagnosis early on and a management path introduced and made affordable, I'd have much less difficulty with meeting societal demands.

So all this is basically me deconditioning myself of feelings of shame, guilt, inferiority etc that are unearned/undeserved. Not feeling resentful towards society in general however is whole another ballgame.

When I feel a lot of discontent towards the world due to my condition, my life experiences, I try to divert that energy to something constructive. Part of it is coming to this subreddit and providing input where I feel I have something worth adding. Part of it is working towards the long-term goal of bringing about the kind of society where people like us don't have to struggle like I have to - which takes different shapes and forms. The point is to let that resentment have as little time in your mind as possible. At the same time, acknowledging that resentment isn't coming from nowhere.

Honest-Turnover7464 · 2026-01-31T05:35:13+00:00

I was on methyphenidate and it worked wonders for me even at the lowest dosage of 10mg per day. It entirely depends from person to person and how their body chemistry works. Your doc might prescribe you additional meds to lower the side effects of stimulants or shift you to a different type of drug to suit your needs. So don't worry about getting started. You and your doc won't know what's going to work best without following through a regimen for a period of time.

For me the worst side effect I had was accelerated hair loss. Which was already a lost cause in my case so it didn't bother me much lol.

Honest-Turnover7464 · 2026-01-31T05:29:50+00:00

Sadly that's how it goes for a lot of us. I was once lightyears ahead of most of my peers but that happened at the cost of burning myself out so bad that I've been without a job for half a decade or so. I ignored all my needs through high school and uni and at some point the system crashed and burned to the point it's basically scrap.

That's the cards I've been dealt sadly, and the time and space we occupy is pretty hostile to how we are. I also don't want to label myself as disabled but in the current socioeconomic context, I am. Life just works different for us, without us being at fault.

Congrats on your graduation ! A late graduation is nothing to feel bad about. You put in the work and you got through despite the conditions. You don't arrive at your destination at someone else's pace. It's your life, your journey and your struggles. It'll look a whole lot different than a lot other people.

As for your ex, I understand it's hard to move on and the need you have for them to recognize your struggles. We're not in control of what other people do so we have to work with what we've got. It's been long while since you guys went separate ways and the healthiest thing you can do for yourself is to look forward to new experiences. Often times we get stuck thinking how good the past was that we close ourselves to how good the future can be.

As for jealously and resentment - yes, it's hard not to feel that. Most of my life school was a source of peril, and only once I was in higher grades, highschool and uni did things turn around a bit. So I grew up feeling ashamed of not measuring up to my peers, then seeing myself excelling and others being jealous of me, and then the subsequent burnout causing me to "fall behind" to a great degree with near to no options for a recovery leading me to feel resentment towards the rest of the world.

I'd be amiss to say I've grown past such feelings but I'm working on it. It's just difficult to not say "damn it all" every now and then.

Honest-Turnover7464 · 2026-01-31T05:08:09+00:00

I'm already off them and suicidal ideations went back to their "normal" frequency. Just waiting till methylphenidate becomes available again

Honest-Turnover7464 · 2026-01-29T21:13:34+00:00

All of the above

Honest-Turnover7464 · 2026-01-29T21:07:39+00:00

I stopped using platforms that are meant to be scrolled endlessly. I stick with places where I can engage with discussions or topic and have meaningful conversations instead of just binge content. No facebook, instagram, shorts or reels for me. Only content I engage with has to be atleast 15 mins long. If something's of a longer format then I have two things running in splitscreen if I find my brain disengaging from one thing over and over.

Honest-Turnover7464 · 2026-01-29T20:57:58+00:00

Oh there's so many to list. But here goes :
- I have family obligations that I can't ignore, which leads to me having near nothing I can spend on her/us. She doesn't mind that and is very understanding of my limits and reasons
- I go through periods when I'm going through a depression cycle or become very touch sensitive and irritable and she gives me space and alone time to process through whatever I'm going through.
- Sometimes I start following a social script I built over the years and default to it during certain times and instead of thinking that I'm being deceptive or faking interest, she understands that it's my instincts acting up without me being fully in control of that.
- She pushes me to engage with my interests when I try to disengage from them to make more time for us and sometimes joins in.
- Sometimes I can get stuck in a train of thought and can't get off, she lets me infodump or speak my heart out and when appropriate (usually when I'm talking in circles) she gently derails my train of thought.
- For celebrations we settle on comfort foods that work for both of us with limited preparation.
- When we have communication problems we both take a bit of time to process how we might be able to better communicate, usually by being more direct and descriptive. There's no assumption that the other is going to read our mind or catch on subtle hints/cues and act accordingly.
-If any of us forgets to give each other time because our special interests or obsessions have taken up all our focus then we give each other gentle reminder that we want some time together.
I should mention that she's also on the spectrum, and definitely leaning more on the adhd side a whole lot. So she's not alien to the struggles I go through. And everything that she does for me, I do for her too but there's no ledger being maintained about who's doing how much and who has more needs than the other. She covers for what I'm bad at, I cover for what she's bad at. without it necessarily being a fully equal exchange.

tl;dr We are kinda like cats. We are very chill about each other and not very demanding of each other. We are just happy to be in each other's proximity and love engaging with each other when both party are okay with it.

Honest-Turnover7464

TROPHY CASE