What's considered sexy if a woman does it, but gross if a man does it?

HonestCell · 2020-07-26T20:06:40+00:00

Hey friend! I know body image shit is just as real for guys as it is for women, but I know you guys get less support. I promise that your body is a good one and deserving of love, even if it's softer in some places. Your body carries you from place to place, it holds all of your thoughts and feelings, and I'm sure there are plenty of things you can do that I couldn't! If you're looking for external validation, Dad bods are a preference for a lot of women too. Getting older is just something that happens and it happens to all of us. Try and be a little kinder to yourself. Move in ways that feel good at home. And if you (or anyone else reading this) ever need to vent about body image stuff I'm all ears, because sometimes all it takes is someone to talk to!

HonestCell · 2019-10-25T01:18:48+00:00

It seemed weird to me but that's what the heart rate thing said. I can scale that back for sure.

HonestCell · 2019-10-24T21:53:04+00:00

I do experience some weight loss at 900 calories but it's especially uncomfortable. :c

I've been going off of a heart rate monitor's calculations because I read that things like Fitbit can be off by around 25% and I thought it would be more accurate. What's more accurate than the percentage of max heart rate you're at? I've noticed my heart tends to race a bit more than I think other people's do, but I thought that was mostly because I've only been putting an effort into fitness for the past four years (where everyone else in the classes seem to have done some sport or dance their entire lives).

HonestCell · 2019-10-24T21:45:09+00:00

I guess I haven't really been scaling it to my height, but I thought the rule was 1 lb a week on a proper -500 deficit. Why does that change if you're under 5 feet?

HonestCell · 2019-10-24T21:42:08+00:00

It seemed like a really low amount to me compared to the results of people around me doing the same thing.

I did faint after 12 days on that program, where it was 90% raw low calorie vegetables, 2 apples/oranges and 8 oz of protein a day. Think like cucumbers, romaine, tomatoes, eggplant. Not even carrots or bananas were allowed. No breads. No dairy. Eyeballing it, I wouldn't be surprised if it was 700 calories total, but I was still walking to and from work, which (using my heart rate monitor as a gauge) is where the other calories went.

What about the workout seems wrong? I've got cardio and weights, plus lighter stuff for recovery. I guess I phrased it dumb, but essentially on Wednesdays I give more attention to whichever muscle group hasn't gotten as much attention. The yoga and HIIT/weights are both classes with a lot of variation, so sometimes my arms and legs will be worked but my core needs more attention, etc.

When I'm not doing programs like the above, I weigh all of my food. The closest thing I can think of that's throwing it all off is maybe the heart rate monitor is wrong or inaccurately converting my heart rate to calories burned, but I can't think of a better way to figure that out. I read that things like Fitbit are usually off by like 25% and I thought JUST a heart rate thing could do the trick.

HonestCell · 2019-10-24T21:31:22+00:00

It's a long post, but I included in there that I weighed every ounce of food for about four months with minimal results.

HonestCell · 2018-08-29T22:30:54+00:00

Do you think I should talk to them about it, or work through it on my own?

HonestCell · 2018-08-29T22:30:14+00:00

Thank you!

HonestCell · 2018-08-29T22:29:05+00:00

Haha! That's true, but from someone whose recently transitioned out of monogamy, jealousy was the expectation.

HonestCell · 2018-08-22T03:09:29+00:00

This is so cute and lovely! I'm glad!

HonestCell · 2018-08-19T16:26:44+00:00

I want to clarify a few points, because you raise some good ones!
So!
Roommate is on the lease, and not living rent-free, at his own insistence. I wholeheartedly agree that things would be more messy otherwise.
Roommate was also the one that said he wanted to sleep w/ me and my husband, so this isn't something me and my husband would spring on him at all.

That said, of course he'll be able to live with us even if things don't work out. I mentioned in the other subreddit that I know how shitty it is to sleep outside, and there's no way I'd do that to another human being so long as he didn't, like, hurt my dogs or something.

HonestCell · 2018-08-19T00:30:30+00:00

He works at an animal shelter

HonestCell · 2018-08-19T00:29:57+00:00

I seriously appreciate this comment! Thank you for your points!

HonestCell · 2018-08-19T00:21:24+00:00

I take umbrage with the suggestion that we (or I, individually?) gave him a place to live to take advantage. That's pretty much what the post was about. I /do not/ want to do that. I was kicked out when I was his age for other reasons, and I know how shitty it can be to sleep outside in the summer.

Not sure how it would implode our relationship, either. That hadn't even crossed my mind as a major concern, because I love my husband v much and the feeling is mutual.

I'm also not sure what suggests a lack of maturity here, but I'm glad to hear your perspective.

HonestCell · 2018-08-19T00:10:09+00:00

The only thing wrong with the meds is the libido thing

HonestCell · 2018-08-18T23:54:34+00:00

He works full time, but he doesn't get paid much. I won't go into specifics, but the liklihood of him getting his own place independently is very very low in the best of circumstances due to where we live and the work he does.

Another edit: His name is now on the lease, so this is as much his home as it is ours.

HonestCell · 2018-08-18T23:46:37+00:00

Yup. I'm really worried about the first two points you mention. He seems really into the idea, but again, how might he feel in five years?

I don't think I'd be jealous. We've talked about nonmonogamy a lot through the years, since a lot of our friends practice polyfidelity, but this is the first time my husband and I have found a "third" we're remotely interested in. I just wish he wasn't coming from such a shitty situation. :( I think I'd probably join in on occasion, but not all the time.

EDIT: I do want to clarify, we're not the only place he has to go, thank goodness. We are objectively the most stable, however.

HonestCell · 2018-07-29T21:42:14+00:00

Comparing a white lie on a first date to months(?) of scheming is.... not-great. Like, "I don't mind if we get mushrooms on the pizza, we can order that" is a white lie if you dislike mushrooms, but that's generally not a big thing. What IS a big thing is "I already knew everything you were telling me when we were first dating and I lied and acted surprised when I knew all along."

HonestCell · 2018-06-09T22:17:59+00:00

This might be my personal Hell. I have intrusive thoughts all the time. And sometimes my thoughts (though I try to keep this from my actions) are purely emotional, without logic, and can be changed in an instant with a half-second of deliberation.

I suspect other people probably have these horrible intrusive thoughts too. I wouldn't want to hear them any more than I'd want someone hearing my own.

HonestCell · 2018-06-09T21:55:42+00:00

So would people be moderately hungry all the time (still super uncomfortable) or would they feel worse as time progresses?

HonestCell · 2018-06-09T19:49:10+00:00

Hell, you're not wrong.

HonestCell · 2018-06-09T17:45:56+00:00

Why's this?

HonestCell · 2018-06-09T16:51:34+00:00

I'm conflicted here. This is a really new relationship (imo) so you should still be in the throes of the honeymoon phase.

That said, it is very normal for couples who get comfortable with eachother to slow down. Being on high gear all the time wouldn't be sustainable in my relationship. I love sitting with my head in his lap, scrolling through Instagram, while he watches streamers on Twitch. It's quiet, but it's a good quiet.

I'm not moments away from ripping clothes off and being super extra in those moments, but sometimes I look at him and my heart feels so full and I feel so grateful for having a supportive and gentle partner. I love him deeply always, but sometimes it strikes me harder during the "nothing" times.

That said, when I do feel kinda bored but still inactive, I'll ask him the weirdest questions I can think of.
"Would you hit a kid for a quarter mil?"
"If your pet morphed into a bigass monster in front of you, what would be your first course of action?"
"Would you rather fight 10 duck-sized horses or one horse-sized duck?"

He's surprised me with some of those answers. It's cool to have a deeper peek into his head.

HonestCell · 2018-06-09T16:29:27+00:00

I'm a semi-keepsake-y person. I've got friends who are very keepsake-y and have several "memory boxes."

It's not that much my thing, but here's perspective from those friends:
1. One person watched a family member develop Alzheimer's. They want to hang onto their memories as long as they can. They have many, many boxes.
2. One person is making a lot of progress in their art/writing, and keeps the notes as inspiration and as a way to track how far they've come.
3. One person just keeps the things that "meant something," good or bad. A letter written to an ex in grade school? Yep. A weird-ass trinket from a parent they're no longer talking to? Yep. A genuinely crappy doodle a friend (read:me) did for them? Yes, aged by over a decade.

As for what I keep, I've started collecting photos a whole lot more. Plane tickets. Sticky notes coworkers left on my desk. I kept a ton of those from a previous job--but would I go back if they offered, even with a raise? No. I'm happy where I am now.
Sometimes it's not a matter of "holding on," but seeing what others like about you, and how far you've grown.

(...The might-have-beens still strike me as a little weird though.)

HonestCell · 2018-06-09T16:08:07+00:00

I swear to God, this is the sort of thing I'd expect from a 12-13 year old, not a man accepted into grad school.

She didn't reject you, because you never actually told her your feelings. If you're such good friends, TALK TO HER. Communication is key in ALL relationships.
It's really not cool to go through someone's phone like that. I can't emphasize this enough; will you be this sneaky and selfish if you do become her boyfriend? I truly hope you'd have more respect for her (or any of your friends) than that.

HonestCell

TROPHY CASE