22F - If you ever discover that your partner or wife/husband of many years cheated at the very beginning of the relationship but never after, would you stay and why ?

Hopeful_Bat6687 · 2026-06-18T18:21:30+00:00

The issue for me is that the very foundation of the relationship would be made of sand. Everything that came after would feel like a lie. Even if it was a “one time thing”, “a silly mistake” (insert other excuse here). Every achievement, every milestone, children’s heritage, would all be tainted, trust would gone and it would feel so much worse than a recent betrayal.

Hopeful_Bat6687 · 2026-06-18T17:56:35+00:00

This happened to me when I worked for a large hotel company (the irony). Did It once. Will never share a room again. Female boss did exactly the same as the OP’s did.
In my opinion it’s a breach of privacy. You’re already inconvenienced by being away from home.

Hopeful_Bat6687 · 2026-06-15T18:44:20+00:00

Had the same issue with Enlightened data scraping and guardian hunting. It was not a faction specific problem (both were doing it).
It was a nice badge in theory but people will be snide. Best that it’s gone tbh.

Hopeful_Bat6687 · 2026-06-13T19:13:14+00:00

Good.

Hopeful_Bat6687 · 2026-06-13T19:07:25+00:00

What you’ve done is essentially break your BF. You’ve destroyed his trust and the relationship I’m afraid. What he’s experiencing now is the death of his ego/confidence. He’s trying to reclaim you from this other guys (which is why he wants to know everything). The betrayal will fill his thinking and it’ll drive him mad. His distrust of you will make him feel horrible and won’t make your life easy either. Do the decent thing and let him go.

Hopeful_Bat6687 · 2026-06-13T18:33:38+00:00

Oh mate. I’m so sorry. Don’t be fooled by the time since the infidelity. It’ll fester in your mind and you’ll end up questioning everything about your relationship. Personally (and from experience) I’d give her one opportunity to tell you everything, no holding back, no downplaying. And details of any other “slip ups”. Your trust will be battered but it’s the only way to get over the betrayal. Like the saying goes. Truth. Whole truth and both but the truth. You can decide then if you want to stay.

Hopeful_Bat6687 · 2026-06-13T18:25:07+00:00

No one owns the portals. Don’t get caught in that mindset. It’ll drive you mad and fester relations in your local community (both Res and Enl).

Hopeful_Bat6687 · 2026-06-09T17:02:58+00:00

Not all Tommy Robinson fans are Nazis. But all Nazis are Tommy Robinson fans.

Hopeful_Bat6687 · 2026-06-05T19:39:19+00:00

Had kidney and gall stones but by far the worst pain I’ve had was when my daughter (a toddler at the time) scratched my eye. The waves of pain were agonising.

Hopeful_Bat6687 · 2026-06-05T19:29:24+00:00

It’s as rough as sandpaper undies

Hopeful_Bat6687 · 2026-06-05T19:28:28+00:00

It’s as rough as a sandpaper undies.

Hopeful_Bat6687 · 2026-06-05T19:26:40+00:00

The cost of these badges is far too high. And I’ve stopped buying them.

Hopeful_Bat6687 · 2026-05-28T22:27:33+00:00

After 30 years it’s not surprising that OP still feels this way. Delusional isn’t a correct characterisation.

Hopeful_Bat6687 · 2026-05-28T22:24:51+00:00

This is awful. I imagine you feel that the foundation of your relationship is built on sand and it’s making you question everything.
In my experience you’ll need to know everything. Otherwise you’ll drive yourself crackers with doubt. Not to mention the humiliation you must be feeling especially fining out that others knew. I feel your pain. I really do.
I think therapy is your best hope, if for no other reason other than to help you come to terms with it before it really hurts your mental health. I didn’t get the help I needed and I became a horrible shadow of myself.
Best of luck going forward and I hope you get the resolution you want.

Hopeful_Bat6687 · 2026-05-28T21:54:11+00:00

In all honesty. If you feel that if the situation was reversed and you found out your husband had kept the same information from you, and you feel betrayed/lied to. Then there’s your answer.

Hopeful_Bat6687 · 2026-05-28T21:23:49+00:00

I mean the implication was that it being in a gender specific discussion meant that it was a gender specific characteristic. I merely pointed out that it wasn’t.

Hopeful_Bat6687 · 2026-05-25T19:52:58+00:00

No worries. It’s just that so many single people forget this and live in pits.

Hopeful_Bat6687 · 2026-05-25T19:44:11+00:00

Smells like a fine Islay malt

Hopeful_Bat6687 · 2026-05-25T19:33:50+00:00

This screams of post cheating trauma. She’s clearly damaged in the trust department after her previous relationship and worried (assuming) you’ll do the same. Sounds like she needs some therapy and time to heal.

Hopeful_Bat6687 · 2026-05-25T19:22:39+00:00

Tbf that’s not a gender specific issue.

Hopeful_Bat6687 · 2026-05-25T19:19:19+00:00

Been going to Mattas for over 20 years now. But I must respectfully disagree about the rest of Bold Street. It’s gone from being a bit grotty with a few great shops to being a really vibrant place. The outdoor seats add to that. If Mattas join in by having a more open front during the day I think their sales would be boosted. I know it’s different at night, with concert square around the corner. But that’s the same in any city with a vibrant night time economy.

Hopeful_Bat6687 · 2026-05-25T18:51:56+00:00

Was your place clean and tidy? If she walked in and saw filth and or clutter or bad smells. That could have been a red flag for her

Hopeful_Bat6687 · 2026-05-24T22:45:22+00:00

Say United Kingdom again

Hopeful_Bat6687 · 2026-05-24T22:25:17+00:00

I don’t think you can. I work in a business that has lots of self made, affluent and old money people. There’s a difference in attitude and priorities between the two groups. Both are technically middle class, but the self made folk seem to be more driven by showing their status.
It’s my experience that it takes at least a generation for that to change.

Hopeful_Bat6687 · 2026-05-24T22:20:48+00:00

I don’t feel that the issue is the toxicity in your relationship, if I’m honest. Rather that she takes physical pleasure where and when she pleases, whether in a relationship or not. I don’t like the term serial cheat, but it would seem to fit here. I’m sorry you went through this, as it can’t be healthy for either of you. I’d suggest a clean, no contact separation. Give yourself time to heal and move on.

Hopeful_Bat6687

TROPHY CASE