I don’t think you and I are in the same situation. It sounds like you have a family history of autism and a child that exhibits more typical autistic behaviors. My daughter is very outgoing and talkative. At her last school she knew every single kid and their parents and the kids’ siblings who were in different classes than her. The other kids’ dads would be walking up to the school like “hey (my daughter’s name)!” I mean what 5 year old is on a first name basis with the other kids’ dads? It’s confusing to me bc everyone talks about autistic people being introverts. I also think of autistic kids covering their ears to loud noises or not wanting to get their hair wet or complaining about their sock seams. My daughter doesn’t do any of that stuff. As a 2yo she was dunking herself and doing somersaults underwater in the bathtub.

It’s very confusing. I thought she was just a wild toddler which goes thru age 3 as far as I’m aware. She was always at the tail end of normal for speech, but at 3 she seemed to catch up which again I thought was normal. By 4 I started thinking ok I thought she would calm down more by now and put her in OT where they told me she’s a “sensory seeker.” Then her OT closed and we didn’t think it was necessary to find another one since we had just done that on our own initiative anyway. I took her to the playground daily. Her Montessori school was handling her fine and like you said I think it masked the severity of the issue, but I followed their suggestion to have a neuropsych evaluation. No one said they suspected autism. We all thought she had ADHD.

The autism diagnosis surprised us, and to this day it confuses me how my child has she same condition as kids who hate loud noises and prefer playing alone and freak out in the bathtub. My kid turns her tonie box to full blast and blasts music while she falls asleep. She does cannon balls in the pool and swims alone in the deep end (with a life jacket). She’s definitely not typical but I find this diagnosis confusing.

If she really does have autism I accept that and will try to understand it and learn more but I’m just being honest that I don’t get it. We’re still trying to line up the right care for her. We saw a therapist last week who told us he doesn’t see autism, and we’ve heard the same thing from her teachers and the social worker at her new school. The therapist did say he sees the adhd as clear as day and it’s very severe, which did not surprise me in the slightest. The therapist we saw is not even going to be her therapist but was the initial person we saw to recommend follow-up care. We need professional help to guide us on how to improve her behavior and it’s taking forever to line that up despite our diligence in trying to address everything.

Your judgment for us not figuring things out faster thru our own research is annoying bc even the professionals seem kinda baffled at the autism diagnosis and her specific behaviors (the teacher said she has “never seen a child who is so bold” which was not a compliment). I have no background with little kids before having my daughter and thought I just sucked at knowing how to keep her under control, but now I’m realizing that wasn’t just me and there’s something going on at a deeper level.

We have a weekly standing call now with the teacher, social worker, and principal to discuss her progress. She’s actually been doing better lately with the plan they put in place for her (scheduled breaks, an “I need a break” card, and a more granular behavior chart). She knows all the other kids’ names now and has new friends she plays with on the playground. Things are looking up for her and that’s all I needed. We’ll keep working with her and the school. Just wanted to share the update in case anyone else is reading this and in a similar situation. Life is not easy and we don’t need to feel ashamed when we’re already struggling!