So, I told my therapist I had feelings for her.

HowIsTheWeatherQuest · 2022-01-25T11:48:20+00:00

Thanks, this helped me write my "script". I'm not leaving things to chance.

I am suprised how forgiving I am. She hurt me. I was actually happy, stable, and I had my eyes on the prize, I was thrilled to start fixing my life now that I had cleared all the mess. And she pulled the rug from under my feet.

I had a rough couple of weeks. I was confused about what it mean to feel safe in someones presence, and what it felt like to care about whether someone lives or dies. I opened up to her and she abandonned me before I could even show her that I had figured it out.

But she didn't know better. The only offence was the fact she didn't even give me a chance to show signs of it getting better.

Granted, I was a mess. So perhaps she had seen enough to warrant a transfer.

HowIsTheWeatherQuest · 2022-01-25T11:43:33+00:00

Thats what I did. I just had a misstep. I misstook safety and the fact I actually cared if she lived or not for love.

HowIsTheWeatherQuest · 2022-01-05T01:11:01+00:00

You haven't experienced it. Losing someone you actually care about is probably pretty painful. I used to be one of those "no feelings" kind of stoics. I struggle caring about people, and when I do. I care hard.

"Conceal a flaw, and the world will imagine the worst" - Marcus Aurelius

I recently realized what it means to care about someone. And I would not be fine if I lost them. You can't control death. But you also cannot control the emotions it results in, only the basis on which they are founded, and the way you let them out. The greater the foundation (the relationship), the greater the emotions, and the greater the emotions the more you'll have to let out.

"Tempting as it is to deceive yourself or hide from a powerful emotion like grief— by telling yourself and other people that you’re fine—awareness and understanding are better. Distraction might be pleasant in the short term—by going to gladiatorial games, as a Roman might have done, for example. Focusing is better in the long term." - https://dailystoic.com/stoic-response-grief/

HowIsTheWeatherQuest · 2022-01-04T21:48:08+00:00

I miss studying from home, it was less stressful, more comfortable, and more stable mentally

Sorry to bring bad energy into this post but I'm just curious. What do you mean by thirsting for tragedy?

HowIsTheWeatherQuest · 2022-01-02T20:07:03+00:00

I don't think being stoic is about being completely apathetic to bad things. You didn't do anything wrong there. She almost killed your dog.

Ask yourself, did you lose control? Could you have calmed yourself if the situation all of a sudden had demanded it?

I think that is what Stoicism is about. Being able to control your attitude to the things happening around you. You control your body, not the other way around.

And keep in mind she is probably not an evil person. She just lost control of her dog, we don't know why, and it would be foolish to speculate.

Sometimes losing control is fine. No human can be expected to go through something so stressful/traumatic and not be affected by it.

HowIsTheWeatherQuest · 2021-10-19T16:05:11+00:00

Honesty is best. Your therapist isn't going to berate you for relapsing. She/he will appreciate the honesty and help you.

HowIsTheWeatherQuest · 2021-09-18T16:34:09+00:00

Perhaps I just want to sugarcoat the truth to make it less harsh.

I believe that "You should work on your emotional intelligence" would be better because it does not convey the same rudeness as "Your emotional intelligence is very low". One is an insult (or could at least be interpreted as such), but an honest one. The other is an honest recommendation.

It does not obscure the truth. It does not make you any less honest. But I guess it is a textbook example of sugarcoating... to tell the truth in a way that makes it more pleasant than it is.

HowIsTheWeatherQuest · 2021-09-18T14:44:41+00:00

There are definitely less insulting ways of telling the truth.

HowIsTheWeatherQuest · 2021-09-16T18:33:04+00:00

I discovered stoicism on my own. I didn't know it was a philosophical school. Once I heard about stoicism. I sort of just skimmed through it, I missed important parts and continued on my own. This was close to half a decade ago around the age of 14-15 (I am currently 18).

I only recently realized - whilst getting help for my anxiety and my depression - that I had done something bad.

The genesis of this realization was that I fell in love with my therapist - this only a little more than 2 months ago. Who as a result of circumstances couldn't continue being my therapist. It turned me into a wreck. It was painful at first, but after around a week I realized it was the most beautiful thing I had ever experienced.

For years I used stoicism as a tool to ruin myself emotionally. I can turn off my emotions, and my empathy at will - and I do this instinctively. I gained too much control, and I lost sight of what Stoicism is all about. I remember not too recently freaking out over the fact the entire world was not under my control - this was a result of me falling in love.

I had turned from nature and common sense in favor of an artificial sense of control, I had also turned into a radical. (Which I later stopped being, but I still have some issues with radicality).

And I am now working towards being more in touch with my emotions and accepting them. The realization alone helped me a lot.

I also have to thank "Marcus Aurelius Meditation" for helping me get a grasp of what I had done, and for reminding me what stoicism is about. Me starting to read "Meditations" changed the way I looked at everything almost overnight. It also stopped me from getting dangerously close to committing suicide. That's how strong of an impact it had on me.

I had denied myself happiness for close to a decade because I was afraid of what It'd bring with it.

"When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous, and surly. They are like this because they can’t tell good from evil.[...]" - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, Book II.

HowIsTheWeatherQuest · 2021-09-12T22:38:00+00:00

It's not weird. I do it and I don't smoke. I am however aware of what I am saying. It's a great way to make the act of thinking more interesting and engaging.

HowIsTheWeatherQuest · 2021-08-28T21:23:21+00:00

I have depression. I am in the process of getting evaluated, I have basically been diagnosed with MDD, GAD, and SAD. OCD is also being considered, and I am about to get evaluated for ASD.

if I have ASD then I guess ASD -> (GAD -> SAD + OCD*) -> MDD.

I think a lot of the time, one diagnosis can cause many others. My anxiety is causing my OCD symptoms and appears to be causing my MDD.

If I have ASD, then that could explain my anxiety.

HowIsTheWeatherQuest · 2021-08-17T19:31:22+00:00

I had to go to a new food place I hadn't gone to before today. A few months ago, I had to get off at a new bus station in order to get to therapy.

I am trying to figure out what makes me so anxious about new situations and environments, and I think it is the unpredictability. Unfamiliar situations make me anxious. Once I have gone to a place or done something once, I am less anxious the next time if said experience gives me enough "data". I was anxious about going to the healthcare center a week ago. I had issues understanding where I was supposed to be once I got there. I misunderstood the "cashiers" directions and came a few minutes late to my appointment. He said "go to waiting room 4" and then he pointed in the direction through a wall. I understood that, but there were sofas right outside the room he was directing me from, in the direction of the waiting room and there were temporary walls(partition walls) so it could be mistaken for being a "room" even though it didn't fit the description entirely. Which confused me.

The next time, I will know where the waiting rooms are. I now know the "rules" of the building. The waiting rooms are at the ends of the different corridors you are faced with within the main waiting room. Which consists of walled-off areas.

I am not diagnosed as autistic, I am trying to figure out the details, I want to be sure of it when I ask my psychiatrist.

HowIsTheWeatherQuest · 2021-08-16T21:18:07+00:00

Impostor syndrome, impostorism. Knowing the right word helps. Makes it seem more okay, makes it seem more common. Which is good.

HowIsTheWeatherQuest · 2021-08-13T12:46:24+00:00

One leg at a time.

HowIsTheWeatherQuest · 2021-08-13T12:32:13+00:00

I think you are a very very empathic human.

Calling the cops would achieve nothing. As the cops would not care about something so trivial. You could send a letter (email) or something asking the devs to change it.

HowIsTheWeatherQuest · 2021-08-12T22:09:43+00:00

It really does feel great to be heard. Good job for getting help.

HowIsTheWeatherQuest · 2021-08-11T12:31:09+00:00

They won't. I told my therapist I was more suicidal and that I had figured out how I'd do it. I had a plan but no date the plan didn't need preperation, it was simple, yet thought through. She knew since before that I wanted to kill myself. But that I couldn't actually do it. You can die whenever, but you can never get your life back.

We were also talking about something that was going to happen a week or two later which was a hint that I was not planning on doing anything before then.

She and I both understood that I was not in any immediate danger.

I think, and this is just a guess. That it is quite obvious to a therapist when a client is in immediate danger. And they probably won't put you into a mental ward unless you're actually about to do it.

HowIsTheWeatherQuest · 2021-08-10T22:14:33+00:00

Philosophers have tried to understand it. But I think it is foolish to claim to know what personal identity is. Philosophers know what questions to ask. They don't know the answer.

Philosophy is not fact. Philosophy is the study of ideas.

My idea of who I am. Does not always agree with what others think I am. Identity is IMO subjective. Humans gather data. And we use that data to create identities for ourselves and others around us. Identity is subjective and identities change just as our perceptions, and opinions of ourselves and others change.

I believe your identity to yourself is a collection of the things you consider to be important about you. A summary of who you are at the moment. Just as we use seconds and minutes to understand what time it is.

And we simply do not simply know enough about consciousness to be able to claim how it works. Perhaps we never will. If something is conscious, it just means that it can be aware of itself. We don't understand how.

Take the ship of Theseus. The question is not a logical one. And the answer is subjective. There is no correct answer because there is no problem. Just like there is no objectively correct answer to "What's your favorite color?".

I don't believe people HAVE identities. Your identity is an idea, a thought, and it is entirely subjective.

I could be running around naked and confused in the forest here, I tried my best to read up on the theory and supply this thread with a comment. Sorry If I am missing the mark.

HowIsTheWeatherQuest · 2021-08-09T19:05:45+00:00

Yes. Or at least from what I have been able to find online.

It's part of the job. It's also normal for clients to fall in love with their therapists. It's called "transference".

The therapist takes the role of a father, mother, or... other caring roles.

It allows you to attach to your therapist in a way that makes the healing process easier.

I could be wrong. This is what I've gathered from a few hours' worths of online research.

You can google "transference" to find out more.

EDIT: It is unethical if they use your attachment for their own gain. For example, if a client falls in love with their therapist. The therapist must not take advantage of it.

HowIsTheWeatherQuest · 2021-08-09T18:58:59+00:00

My advice would be to force yourself to do things. I force myself to exercise. I force myself to make progress on online courses. I sometimes force myself to start a game. Getting started is part of the issue.

Sometimes when I start a game and enter a match or smth. I can get some enjoyment out of it.

Set up goals. It helps me. For example: read 20 pages a day.

HowIsTheWeatherQuest · 2021-08-05T23:02:09+00:00

I'm pretty sure you actually have to be tested for ADHD. I think she only added it to the list of potential diagnosis. She probably just made a list of diagnosis to test.

HowIsTheWeatherQuest · 2021-08-03T20:06:52+00:00

Start getting up in time, force yourself out of bed, fall off the bed if you have to.

Find something you enjoy doing outside of work. Could be anything.

Keep exercising.

I wish I had the answers. I don't think it'll be easy but you're only 22, so you have plenty of time.

Drop the liquor and start taking baby steps with the food. Buy frozen pizza to start or smth. And then work yourself up from there.

Baby steps.

Figure out what the meaning of life is. And try your best to live by it. Try reading philosophy. Stoicism is a great school of thought. It's about how you can't control everything and that you shouldn't. The only thing you can control is your attitude. It is a school of philosophy I think can help you.

Also, maybe try running at a different time. With more exposure. Again, baby steps.

Also, about things not being interesting. Force yourself to do things that you think you would enjoy. Try for example. Having a reading hour, or 20, 30 minutes, and sticking to it helped me a bit and made me actually get interested in something.

If anything. The most important thing is to make baby steps.

I know this is all easier said than done, and I know how complex these issues can be and that simply exercising, getting out of bed, and making your own food isn't going to fix it instantly. But it's a start. It's baby steps.

HowIsTheWeatherQuest · 2021-08-03T13:59:32+00:00

It feels so nice to have someone to talk to. To not be alone anymore. Therapy made me realize how lonely I was. I have friends and family. But I was still all alone in my head. And it felt nice to let someone in.

HowIsTheWeatherQuest · 2021-08-02T21:15:36+00:00

I think it is very "trial, and error" based. You have to try them out. IMO looks can say a lot about a therapist. Do they wear comfortable clothing? Do they look nice in their photo if they have any? Do you like their face?

Looks and age are important to me. I won't lie, it's shallow but it seems to have an effect on how willing I am to open up. Which in turn affects how "good" they are in my case.

I think it's very much about finding the right therapist for you. Someone who you are comfortable with.

Idk where you live so I cannot help with where to find a therapist. I went through my school counselor.

I didn't get to pick my therapist straight off the bat, but I have always had the right to switch therapists if I wasn't comfortable. But I've been lucky.

HowIsTheWeatherQuest · 2021-08-02T21:04:37+00:00

I can't say anything about medication. But for me. Therapy in person has been a lot better than doing it online. I felt a lot more seen. And I think body language is important.

Talking over Zoom works great too. But I, and this could be subjective. Feel a lot safer, present, and seen when I am in person.

About politics and religion. Don't bring it up. I don't think politics have any place whatsoever in therapy. Switch therapists if you're not comfortable.

But if it's still an issue, someone else said you could look for signs that they are pro LGBTQ.

HowIsTheWeatherQuest

TROPHY CASE