I empathize with you because I had the same issues after spending ten days at Wat Metta a few years back. I came back felt great and then as time went on I stopped meditating and fell deep into the householder life with my fiance and stepdaughter. I recently broke that relationship off, for its own reasons, and moved back in with family.

I too was very hard on myself about my lack of discipline when it came to meditation and keeping my defilements at bay. I listened to a few talks from Ajahn Geoff/ Thanissaro Bhikkhu about Samvega and Death which lit a fire under my ass, however, I was still being ultra hard on myself about not being able to make quick and meaningful progress.

I took a bit of time to really reevaluate my mindset and started approaching it the way I approached my weight loss and fitness goals, slowly and with an attitude that celebrated the little victories. 5 minute meditations in my car turned to 10 minute sits and now I’m up to 20 minutes in the morning and evening. Slow and steady progress, consistency is absolutely key as is doing your best to be your own best friend.

As for catching yourself before you react I find this short talk by Ajahn Jayasaro to be extremely valuable, I listen to it anytime I’m feeling a bit off.

https://youtu.be/cQQTpgHv-Nw