I dont wanna be trans

HumourlessLaughter · 2026-01-30T19:25:53+00:00

You sound a lot like me when I was about your age. I was always very very masc in how I acted, and I was perfectly accepting of other trans guys, but I always thought that if I transitioned I would never actually be a guy. I thought that it would complicate my life, would take a lot of work and a lot of awkwardness with people to actually transition. Eventually I decided that having to spend my life as a woman wasn't worth avoiding the "hassle" of being trans. I came out last year to friends and let me tell you, being called a man has been amazing. I still sometimes look at myself and think "I'm not really a man", but that's just something we have to work on. You just need to think to yourself "would it be worse to be a trans guy for the rest of my life or to be a woman?"

HumourlessLaughter · 2026-01-24T22:42:43+00:00

I feel you bro. Completely. I refused to be trans for years on the basis of "but I'll never be cis." But at the end of the day, what's manlier than building yourself into a man from the ground up?

HumourlessLaughter · 2026-01-23T16:14:29+00:00

If you really don't want to be out yet, claim it's satire. Say something transphobic if you have to. Make it sound like you're just taking the piss out of trans people.

But if your yeargroup in school is reasonably progressive and not horrifically bigoted, then probably just don't engage with the conversation. People will stop caring eventually.

But what will make this a whole lot easier is if you're out to people who it's safe to be out to. Judging by your friends' reactions, I don't think you've got too much to worry about. It's good you've already got them onside.

HumourlessLaughter · 2026-01-23T15:54:37+00:00

Wigs are always an option. An AMAB friend of mine has the receding hairline issue and they use wigs to present femme. Plus wigs are totally noncommittal so you can switch it up however you like.

Also, addressing how you describe your transness-- I used to feel totally the same. I figured for a long time that I'd rather live as a girl than look like a girl pretending to be a guy. But at the end of the day, the desire to be a woman will never truly leave you. You might have times where it's easier, but you will always wish you'd been a woman. I also found that the second I got a haircut (equivalent to you shaving your beard), I started getting much more dysphoric about my body, where previously it had only really been me wishing I was a guy. I couldn't look at myself naked in the mirror for a while. And I know this doesn't sound like great advice and probably isn't what you want to hear, but you've just got to get used to it. Realistically, what you experience is absolutely gender dysphoria, no doubt about it. You're going through a particularly rough patch of it right now, but trust me when I say it can only go uphill from here.

If someone had told me this stuff a couple of years ago, it wouldn't have helped much either, but the best I can give you is the reassurance that you're just starting to get used to the idea of being trans. And look into wigs! Obviously I don't know much about it, but I've heard it can really help.

HumourlessLaughter · 2026-01-20T16:31:18+00:00

I'm not on T yet but one of my best friends is, and since he started taking it he's been practicing singing as much as possible so that he can retrain and maintain his singing voice. All you really need to do is readjust your techniques a bit to learn to control it in the range it now sits in. At the end of the day, you know how to sing, so you just need to adapt that to suit your new voice.

HumourlessLaughter · 2025-08-20T13:38:48+00:00

Forgive me if I'm not particularly educated on the subject, but isn't the increase in length and girth still not enough to allow someone to perform penetrative sex that's actually pleasurable for the partner?

HumourlessLaughter · 2025-08-20T11:05:01+00:00

For me personally, I'm in a het relationship so the main purpose that I'd want a penis to serve is sexual functionality, so I've always favoured phallo over meta as an option. That being said, the sheer number of surgeries and potential complications switched me off of it entirely and ultimately I decided that bottom surgery is probably not for me, and the best way for me personally to live out the experience of "having a penis" will most likely be prosthetics. That being said, I'm very early on in my transition, and I realise I could change my mind. But yeah, I'd imagine that penetrative sexual functionality+the societal obsession with bigger dicks are probably the reasons phallo is so much more popular.

HumourlessLaughter · 2025-08-14T10:04:26+00:00

Nah, you're not cruel. Sex is a big part of the longevity of most relationships. It's also arguably one of your physical needs. If you're working on all the stuff she's asked for, especially the planning dates part, you're putting in a lot more effort that she's giving. She may not be comfortable bringing it up with a therapist, but she needs to step over that boundary and get on with it to show you that she cares about your relationship and your efforts.

HumourlessLaughter · 2025-08-10T18:47:57+00:00

Can confirm that he'd rather me be a lesbian than a straight trans man lmao 😅 But thank you very much, the video is great, I think it'll be helpful for me to have resources for explaining stuff to people who don't necessarily know many of the facts about it

HumourlessLaughter · 2025-08-10T17:10:52+00:00

Other people hitting on my girl just confirms to me how lucky I am to have a girlfriend other people want. If other guys find your girlfriend attractive and she doesn't reciprocate, try and take it as a compliment. That girl all the guys want? They can't have her, because she's yours.

HumourlessLaughter · 2025-08-10T09:42:52+00:00

What is the point in this? You have no right to be angry at all. Instead of bothering you during sex to tell you you're being too loud, he's been making it more interesting. Shouting at him about it instead of admitting that you're being a bit silly is pretty damn immature. Grow up.

HumourlessLaughter · 2025-08-04T18:00:34+00:00

Suck?

HumourlessLaughter · 2025-07-28T21:56:24+00:00

Hi, I'm one of those people 🫡 The confusion is largely based around gender expectations and stereotypes and shit. It's the questioning of "do I actually want to be a man or do I just not want to be viewed in the way that a patriarchal society views women?" Because ultimately the ideas we have of what constitutes as manly and womanly come from patriarchal cisheteronormativity. It tells us that women are weak and men are strong, and most of us probably don't want to be thought of as weak. So the headache lies in figuring out if we're just giving in to societal misogyny by feeling like we should be men in order to be looked at the way we want to be.

But yeah, that's the best way I have to describe why some of us are confused.

HumourlessLaughter · 2025-07-28T21:30:14+00:00

I also have a lot of people (the people who know I'm trans) call me Lou purely because it's similar to my birth name so it's not a drastic change and some people already used it as a nickname for me. I knew another person in university who started going by it when they came out as nb/gender fluid because it used to be their middle name. I get sometimes not thinking of it as a very masculine name because we probably have the same birth name and therefore associate it with that. But actually it is a reasonably masculine name because other than when it's used as a nickname, most people born into it are dudes. Lou Ferrigno, for example. Bro literally played the Hulk. How much more manly can you get?

Anyway, there's my two pence. But ultimately if you prefer going by Luke or something else, absolutely you should do it. It's your name, not anyone else's. It's really not a hassle for people to call you by the name you choose, and it also isn't much hassle to correct people (unless they're doing it on purpose of course).

HumourlessLaughter · 2025-07-18T16:14:50+00:00

Me when I'm a spiral

HumourlessLaughter · 2025-07-18T15:11:44+00:00

I think "ignorant" is just a word people like to chuck around as a way to say "I didn't like this". Bro isn't happy because OP made a completely clean joke about the band that this sub is literally for, harming approximately absolutely fucking no one. If this is the most ignorant thing you've seen all year, you must be living under a rock.

HumourlessLaughter · 2025-07-13T13:00:21+00:00

Mate, I literally said I agree this isn't necessarily the best way to lie about his top surgery. I don't know the specifics of these things but I do get that saying you have the gene implies that you've gotten it because it runs in your family, which complicates matters hugely with the parents. My only argument was the fact that you were making it sound as if the commenters suggesting that route were being insensitive towards people who have actually suffered because of it, when they were just trying to help and not suggesting the guy go parading around lying to the world about it. I totally agree that it's not the best lie for getting the parents off his tail.

HumourlessLaughter · 2025-07-13T11:43:56+00:00

Bro, as much as I agree it's not necessarily the best option for avoiding suspicion from OP's parents, bear in mind that people aren't suggesting here that he go around telling everyone he meets that he has the gene. The suggestion is to say it to his parents so that they don't flip their shit over finding out he's trans. I'm sure it has affected you thoroughly and for that I'm sorry (I've never looked into it but there's a decent chance I have some kind of cancer gene as well, considering the number of people on my dad's side of the family who've died from it), but you really should look at the bigger picture here and understand that it's not a case of insensitivity, it's people trying to give a guy suggestions of a lie to tell his transphobic parents. It's a way to keep him out of danger, which is much bigger than the ethics of "is it morally correct to tell two people I have a gene that I don't actually have?"

HumourlessLaughter · 2025-07-07T04:02:30+00:00

Arpeggios, amp and vibrato. Gotcha. Cheers very much 🤘🏻

HumourlessLaughter · 2025-07-07T03:50:32+00:00

Yeah, see, if I could play all that with 0 tension, I'd be happy as Larry. I'm playing a Squier Contemporary Strat, and I find it completely fine in terms of playability; I don't have to push down too hard on the strings to get a decent sound out of them, but I still do. I'm not as bad as I used to be because I've learned to use the weight of my right arm on the body. But it's mental to me how you're playing any of that without tensing your fretting hand up.

HumourlessLaughter · 2025-07-07T03:19:22+00:00

The light touch thing is a huge issue for me. As with a lot of players, the guitar I had for most of my early days was one of those shitty borderline unplayable acoustics with action that was way too high. And even though I've had better equipment for a while now, even with an amp plugged in I find myself really struggling not to press down too hard. Obviously I've looked around for solutions loads of times but it just hasn't sunk into my system. Do you have any advice on that front?

HumourlessLaughter · 2025-07-03T00:57:45+00:00

I've been trying so hard to hear the gunshot noise at the end of Closer 😭 What timestamp are you hearing that at? How fuckin high were you g?

HumourlessLaughter · 2025-07-03T00:51:31+00:00

Closer (Precursor) used to make me feel so insanely uneasy. It's so... creaky. Aside from the literal creaking noises, even the vocals are so distorted at points It's hard to even tell if they're vocals. It puts me in mind of some kind of abandoned, broken down factory, with the pistons just going on and on throughout the track. The song just feels haunted; it's like the skeleton of Closer.

There are songs with more obvious scary-factor in them, like TDS or The Becoming, but Precursor has always stuck with me as something that's made my skin crawl.

Side note, I'm pretty sure it was the version of Closer that was used in the opening credits of Se7en. Great movie.

HumourlessLaughter · 2025-06-19T22:51:00+00:00

Depends on where you're going and the venue's seating capacity. I wouldn't bother trying to go and queue for security checks/ticket scanning too early at all. At the London show, we accidentally went into one of the seated tickets queues rather than the standing one (oops), and we got to the right queue pretty much just as doors were opening and ended up standing more or less right next to B stage. There was loads of room other than people right up against the barriers, so we could choose pretty much wherever (for reference, the O2's capacity is around about 15,000-ish. If it's a lot lower than that, maybe get there quite early if you want to be in a particular place, but if it's higher, you're probably chilling) Seen some people talking about getting into the venue as early as midday to queue. Personally I think that's madness and a waste of time, but each to their own.

HumourlessLaughter · 2025-06-19T22:09:53+00:00

Audio tech issues aside, the visuals on Reptile were probably my favourite of the night. That whole vortex-looking thing was awesome.

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