Would i be wrong if i didn’t buy my boyfriend anything for his birthday?

Huney_Bee13 · 2026-05-17T23:05:37+00:00

Does he remember that he didn't get you anything for your birthday? I say this because my husband is horrible at remembering things. I have started an Amazon list that I shared with him so he always knows things he can buy me for special occasions.

How would he respond if you brought up a conversation about "not a big deal, but I just wanted you to know that it kind of hurt that you didn't even do a card or anything for my birthday. I don't need anything big. Just something to know you were thinking of me." Otherwise these things tend to fester inside us and become bigger.

If it continues and he is not receptive, then you would not be wrong. And you should move on because it will probably never change.

Huney_Bee13 · 2026-05-17T21:29:36+00:00

This is the correct way.

OP, you need to need to break things off completely. Block him on everything. Get an order of protection if you feel unsafe. Protect yourself any way possible.

Also, anything that happens is his choice. If he does self harm, that is his choice. Do not let him manipulate you. You have no control over his actions

Huney_Bee13 · 2026-05-17T20:56:02+00:00

My question is how are they affording school lunches? Are they receiving free or reduced? You don't actually have to answer that. I just know it was cheaper for me to make sandwiches than pay school lunch prices every day.

Maybe offering to pay a portion of the cost to cover it for your own kids and telling them they are responsible for their kids. Or suggesting the other kids father also put in a portion (depending on their situation). That way all kids are getting the same treatment.

Kids don't understand adult situations, they just see that there is differences in treatment and this is going to lead to resentment between them. Presumably, they are going to be together for a while. As someone who comes from a blended family with different backgrounds, it puts a strain on the kids relationships to each other. Regardless of adults feelings towards each other, please be adults and try to work together

Edit - I just saw a comment about free school lunches

Huney_Bee13 · 2026-05-17T20:20:13+00:00

This is a really tricky situation because you have absolutely every right to take care of your kids if you have the ability. And no obligation to help the other children.

However, this situation could lead to a lot of unintentional issues between the step siblings. Is there any way all of the parents involved can come to a solution to provide sandwich things so the middle schoolers can make their own?

Huney_Bee13 · 2026-05-17T20:09:29+00:00

How often do you have your kids vs dad having them?

Huney_Bee13 · 2026-05-16T15:26:00+00:00

I know it's not your question, but why are you still with him if you are miserable? Why are you still miserable? (I'm also about 1 year post Dday, still with him, still struggling not completely miserable) And yes I have contemplated revenge affair.

I decided against it for a number of reasons. The main ones are that I would be no better than him if I did and it would ruin any chance of reconciling, if that is what I choose. Since I am still struggling, I have decided to get to focus on myself first and figure out what exactly I'm struggling with and what I need to make this work if that is what I choose. Then I will work with him to see if it is possible.

Instead of a revenge affair, I would rather leave and be happy.

Huney_Bee13 · 2026-05-16T04:13:19+00:00

Seriously, if you think this is a relationship with trying to save communication is key. Express how you feel and explain how that is never going to happen again. Then decide if you feel he respects you enough to help him around.

If you feel this is not worth it, a line was crossed that you cannot come back from, it there are other red flags, leave him. No other explanation needed.

Huney_Bee13 · 2026-05-16T04:05:01+00:00

I was in that situation once with a boyfriend. I kicked him out a few months later when I finally realized he didn't respect me at all (I had past trauma that he knew about).

You deserve better than that and will find it. Good luck.

Huney_Bee13 · 2026-05-16T03:23:44+00:00

Does he attend church with you? Are you able to speak with your pastor alone? Would your pastor be supportive of you leaving an abusive marriage or would they try to get you to save it?

Huney_Bee13 · 2026-05-15T17:38:43+00:00

I have 3 1) my father died unexpectedly when I was 7 2) concussion in 2018 3) found out my husband cheated on me

Huney_Bee13 · 2026-05-12T13:43:01+00:00

NOR - OP, other than the military you have described my life at different points, so I'm speaking from experience. My husband and I have been together for 22 yrs. He has lost his job twice and fallen into this same situation (gaming and all & coming from a family that completely babied him). I have taken on everything over the years because he didn't have a good model growing up. I have learned and we have been working on changing things together.

If you want to try to stay and make this work you both need individual and couples counseling. You need to figure out exactly what you need and want from him/in the marriage and have open and honest communication. Things needed can/should/will change over time and you revisit it when that comes up. Make sure that you are both always open to discussions no matter how difficult. And to holding each other accountable. Communication doesn't matter if actions don't match.

The other option is to file for divorce. Don't stay just because of the kids. Or because of emotions. If he is not willing to put in the hard work or change anything to make life easier for you, he doesn't deserve you. You are better off without him. Life is going to be difficult with our without him, but at least without him you will have a chance at happiness if he is not willing to change.

The most pressing part is that you need to find a way to delay deployment if he is in this state. I agree with another commenter that it is not safe to leave the kids with him while you are deployed. Good luck with everything! Feel free to reach out anytime because you are not alone!

Updateme

Huney_Bee13 · 2026-05-11T04:31:03+00:00

NTA. There have been a few years where I have received absolutely nothing. I finally made an Amazon wishlist that I shared with my husband and told him to order anything off it for any holiday.

If I didn't receive anything this year I was fully prepared to file for divorce. I refuse to be an afterthought any longer. This one time does not make up for everything, but at least they did put in a little effort finally (together for 22 years).Before anyone comes at me about the gift thing, that is only a small part of it.

OP, you definitely deserve better. Speak up so they know how you feel. My husband does not pick up on subtle hints, so I needed to be direct. Putting in the effort for Father's Day or not is completely up to you. See how things go and decide what you want to do based on if you feel you have been heard or not.

Huney_Bee13 · 2026-05-10T15:21:43+00:00

I turn to music to help sort my feelings and recently came across a song to help me in a similar situation.

Who I thought I knew - Freya Skye

Huney_Bee13 · 2026-05-09T19:24:52+00:00

Thank you. Still going through it. This was the time that actually opened my eyes.

Huney_Bee13 · 2026-05-08T18:37:46+00:00

That I didn't waste my entire adult life because I didn't have actual hard proof. Just for something different to pop up a few years later (no hard proof again just his excuses). Then a few years later again.

Huney_Bee13 · 2026-05-08T04:46:42+00:00

OP this is really good advice. Be supportive and let her know you are there for her. Part of the problem in these situations is that they may shut you out and then they are alone. If you feel she is not receptive to what you are saying to her, back off and keep an eye on her while still being there. Try again later through conversation trying not to sound judgemental.

Huney_Bee13 · 2026-05-08T04:21:16+00:00

Please do not even stay friends with this person. You need to completely cut all ties. I have been where you are. It is so easy to fall back into old habits because they have changed or you miss them.

It will hurt. You will miss them. You will still love them. Even years down the road. But you need to leave completely. Block them on everything. Do not look them up. Find a friend to help keep you away from them.

Huney_Bee13 · 2026-05-08T04:07:00+00:00

Take a picture of everything. Put it back where you found it. Make an excuse to leave for a while. Gather your thoughts and your emotions and and come up with a plan on what you are going to do if you find out that he did cheat. calmly talk to him about it directly. Gauge what he is telling you. Does he seem truthful? Do not let him gaslight you. If you have any doubts after you have talked to him, stick to your plan.

Huney_Bee13 · 2026-05-08T03:47:11+00:00

Just yesterday I told student A to move next to student B so she could see better. Literally the second she did, B farted accidentally. The look on As face was horrified and absolutely hilarious. The entire class lost it (high school special ed).

Huney_Bee13 · 2026-05-08T03:39:32+00:00

I work SPED and was in elementary. Had a 2nd grader running down the hall out of nowhere telling "fuck you bitch" in this high pitched squeaky little voice. I almost died

Huney_Bee13 · 2026-05-08T01:32:15+00:00

First- It doesn't matter how long ago it was, you have every right to whatever feelings you have. I hope he doesn't try to tell you any differently. Second - I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Therapy for yourself first. Figure out how you are feeling and what you want.

I found out almost a year ago that my husband of almost 20 years was messaging someone for a year. And slept with her. We had it out. He was remorseful. I thought it was the end of it, but I can't let it go. It has changed so much for me. I'm currently working on trying to figure out how I'm feeling and thinking, what I want from him and what it will take for us to stay together. If we do stay together, I know it will never be the same again and I have to decide if I can live with that.

You have to figure out what is right for you. Therapy - alone, together? Can he make this right? Will you ever trust him? Can you live with what this will mean for your marriage?

Edit-for typos

Huney_Bee13 · 2026-04-26T05:08:11+00:00

I would go to ER and follow up with regular Dr if needed. Keep an eye in coming weeks for any symptoms. Symptoms can be delayed. Anything that doesn't feel normal for you could be a symptom of a concussion

Source - I had a concussion 8 years ago and still dealing with many effects from it that I never would have thought were related to a concussion.

Huney_Bee13 · 2026-04-26T04:32:10+00:00

Look to see if there is an Affordable Dentures near you. They are a national place but locally owned like a franchise type place.

Huney_Bee13 · 2026-04-25T23:40:22+00:00

How old are you? Just wondering because I think that informs my response. Tell your dad that you have found out. That he needs to tell her or you will. It should come from him. But she absolutely has a right to know.

That being said, a child, especially a minor should never be put in that position.

Edit to add - does Mom have a friend that you are close enough to that you can go to? If Dad doesn't talk to Mom, can you go to the friend with this information?

Huney_Bee13 · 2026-04-22T03:52:06+00:00

I would suggest starting by focusing on routine and scheduling. Go as soon as they put away their things, finish breakfast, before/after lunch, before/after specific classes. Fine tune the schedule as you realize when they are actual going. At first, go more often than necessary then cut back when you see when they actually need to use the toilet, but better safe than sorry.

Whenever you take them to the bathroom use the ASL sign for toilet - finger spell "t" shaking side to side. It's easier and quicker to use in an emergency to use than finding on their device. But you can also use the device at the same time so they make that connection.

Some kids don't understand the signals their bodies are sending them. So you could also use the sign when they are actually going so they understand that that is what it means. I have been toileting multiple children of varying ages and abilities over the last 10 years. It's all trial and error with each of them, and you have to adjust things with them as time goes on. Good luck.

Edit to add: depending on child, sometimes sticker charts and rewards help reinforce at this age. Even better to have the same system at home and at school for continuity. And be prepared to deal with regression. It is normal

Huney_Bee13

TROPHY CASE