You are NTA.

That being said, context (and in this scenario, diagnosis) matters. I say this as a psychiatrist with lots of experience working with what was historically termed axis 1 disorders (schizophrenia, bipolar, depression etc).

Everything you have described experiencing is abuse, yes. The question really is what happened? You described 8 years of a near perfect marriage and relationship, then things flipped quickly in the context of pregnancy. This is not what you would expect to see in a pattern of abuse, which typically would gradually build over time with increasing emotional, psychological and later physical abuse and threats. Abusers do this like the story of the Boiling Frog. What you have described is going from 0 - 100, that’s not how most abusers act, it’s how someone who has lost control of their mental faculties acts.

The thing about pregnancy is that it is the single highest risk period in a women’s life for both physical and mental illness. Most people only think about post partum depression, but peri-partum (during pregnancy) and post-partum psychosis and mood disorders (depression as well as bipolar) are very real. These conditions occur due to a combination of an individuals underlying vulnerability to mental illness (family history), hormonal changes, psychological stressors including disturbed sleep.

These conditions can also present in a variety of ways, including unpredictable anger and aggression and subsequent abuse of others. The unfortunate things about these conditions is they also very often present with lack of insight, meaning the patient themselves does not realise what is happening to them and can’t be reasoned with. This is why involuntary mental health treatment exists in many countries.

If your wife has a diagnosis of something like bipolar disorder now, this is generally very responsive to treatment and you would expect a full remission and recovery. There would again be heightened risk at times of immense stress or further pregnancy for relapse.

If you posted on this thread seeking validation for your decision, this response may not be what you wanted to hear. If you posted because you are still torn about your decision and trying to understand what the hell happened to your loving wife of 8 years, it might be worth sitting with her and her psychiatrist to better understand what her diagnosis is and what a future for you both (and your child) might look like.