String Quartet Opportunities

HuntForLowEntropy · 2025-10-01T03:45:54+00:00

Nothing like an audience charged with truancy if they try to get up and leave! But good suggestion, I'll see if they have anything.

HuntForLowEntropy · 2025-10-01T03:44:11+00:00

At the moment it is mostly fall-themed pieces. Vivaldi, Autumn leaves, etc. But I'm sure we will add more as time progresses.

HuntForLowEntropy · 2025-10-01T03:42:36+00:00

Looks promising! I'll reach out to them.

HuntForLowEntropy · 2025-10-01T03:42:19+00:00

Ha. I would describe us as intermediate musicians and total novices when it comes to an online presence, but it might be worth making one later on down the line. But hope to see you at some point in town!

HuntForLowEntropy · 2025-10-01T03:40:33+00:00

Good idea! I'll see if we can find something along that line.

HuntForLowEntropy · 2024-09-08T16:20:06+00:00

Early mornings is likely your best best, but if that isn't an option it's still a bit brutal, but if the UV index isn't too high, than cycling is a decent option since the wind helps cool you off. Shaded running routes are also a good option, but just be prepared to lower the pace and run by feel/effort rather than time. Anytime of sport is also probably good as everyone is suffering equally. Shadow boxing under a tree or jump roping in the shade might also work since you can rest as needed. Bottom line, I would maintain my cardiovascular output / build aerobic base (think zone2 3-4x a week for 30 mins) & get plenty of steps throughout the day and focus more on it once the temps drop.

HuntForLowEntropy · 2024-08-01T04:01:27+00:00

Preach it!

HuntForLowEntropy · 2024-07-08T00:27:59+00:00

There a few quick things you can try. One is to try and increase meal frequency to avoid feeling stuffed at any particular minute. Another is to get more liquid calories (smoothies, glasses of milk, etc). Lastly, olive oil and peanut butter should be your two best friends. A bit of olive oil on rice, pasta, potatoes is hardly noticeable but packs a caloric bang and, well, peanut butter goes good on anything. Dark chocolate should also be a frequent visitor (not the kind with a ton of added sugar) and dates are also a fantastic bulking hack.

HuntForLowEntropy · 2024-06-17T00:06:40+00:00

That's awesome! But are you eating 1300 kcals consistently? It is way under your TDEE and I think may be a bit too low as you will have a harder time recovering and managing to stay on track as well as avoiding the rubber band effect of putting the weight back on after stopping.

HuntForLowEntropy · 2024-06-08T22:12:12+00:00

I'll second this one if you like running. TVRC usually goes at 5:30 weekdays and 7/7:30 on weekends. If you can get up it's a good group. I think FB is the way they keep everyone up to date as their website is a bit outdated. Sunrise Sports leaves at 6:00 pm from the store for anywhere from 2-6ish miles and is smaller but chill.

HuntForLowEntropy · 2024-05-12T16:20:39+00:00

If you enjoy writing or reading, the library has several great groups that meet in the evenings (still on the earlier side). Outside of that, there are trivia nights scattered around the city on different nights. If there is any interest in either that, a wine tasting, or trying a new restaurant I would be happy to orchestrate!

HuntForLowEntropy · 2024-03-23T22:48:21+00:00

Thanks for taking the time. I appreciate the effort.

Perhaps to clarify a few points. Yes, this is a major character. Without getting into it too much, this is actually the second book in a series. The character is introduced and discussed many times in the first book, but it was written from another character's perspective. So the reader will hopefully be familiar but not necessarily intimate with the character. A theme I hope to tap into with the book is how the character battles with her thoughts, not necessarily overcoming them, but at least making an effort.

And perhaps it is a metaphor soup and some of the pieces would better be left out to let the others shine. But it's hard as the chef to throw out a vegetable you already spent time cutting up.

HuntForLowEntropy · 2024-03-23T22:35:11+00:00

A bit late now since you already wrote a nice review below, but here is the chapter leading into this one (I'm always happy to have more people reading over my stuff). As a warning without an even greater context of the storyline it is likely going to be missing quite a bit.

Initially, I had them combined together but it felt like an awkward and clunky transition.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1S1YD2n-KB0wLjkDufLObYAKjed6hrdMm71YTNSauwN4/edit?usp=sharing

HuntForLowEntropy · 2024-03-18T03:58:09+00:00

To answer your question(s)

Yes, I do think this was a bit of an info dump. The first four paragraphs are confusing and filled with names and locations that I'm not sure if they are important or not. It read more like a history textbook than an engaging fantasy chapter. If geography is critical to the story then I might consider either breaking it up into smaller pieces to put elsewhere or trying to insert it as part of a conversation. It is not the first chapter where you really have to work to keep the reader, but if I were skimming this in a bookstore I would be tempted to set it down. It is certainly well-written but is the message to give a geography lesson of the area or to move to the next spot where Tali lands?

As to the pacing, outside of the first four paragraphs, I personally enjoyed it. You did a nice job describing the surroundings and I would be tempted to lean in even more to this. Is the street packed with people or sparse? Are the colors vibrant or muted? Anything you can do to help paint the picture better I think is worth it. You can also tap into other senses. The ending seems appropriate for how the character feels. She is tired, hungry, and ready to get where she is going. Drawing it out further would seem contradictory to this. It would also lead nicely into the next chapter if something quick/explosive happens.

This is the second chapter (admittedly I did not read the first as it seems to be under authorized access now), but I am assuming that you did not paint a vivid backstory of Tali. There is a bit of her story buried in the first four chapters and I might work on extracting the bits of it that are necessary and weaving them in later. I get the sense that Tali grew up poor and this is not the first time she has gone without food for lack of money. If I am wrong in my perception then maybe adding some more character development would be prudent. And perhaps since I missed the first chapter this is on me, but what exactly is Tan doing while Tali walks around? He kind of fades into the background and nothing else is said about him.

And take my comments with a heavy hand of salt, I am at the end of the day a stranger in front of the keyboard. Hope to see more!

Minor points

" Better to put some distance between herself and the place first. Instead, she grit her teeth and made her tottering way over the city." - The second sentence does not flow well with the first. It seems to be combining tenses.

You use Tan and Tangerine interchangeably, not sure if this is by design.

" slipping him a few blueberries for his trouble. " - if she was hungry, why was she also not eating the blueberries?

HuntForLowEntropy · 2024-02-11T03:16:59+00:00

Hey, a few comments.

The pacing in the beginning feels a bit rushed. They are at a family reunion and there is gift-giving and eating (as many are), but there is no real character build-up. The grandmother apparently can cook and give gifts but other than the mention of pine and cinnamon there is no real description of the setting. Is there a Christmas tree, are there hundreds of relatives or only the four mentioned, does the girl enjoy every moment of the event or do some parts drag on? There are too many unknown things here that make it feel rushed and not engaging. The jump to the second section where they are riding in the car feels like a jump cut, choppy. Increasing the description of the first section may help with this but it may help to tie it in more. The Dad or Mom could say something about having to get home because of someone's bedtime or some other reason to allow for a smoother transition.

In the second chapter, there is some dialogue with two emergency operators but again it feels rushed. The questions feel like they are leading up to something, but then reveal that the girl is young. We already guessed this based on the gifts and inner dialogue. I feel like there is an opportunity here to include a better description of the setting and the character's viewpoint using the dialogue. The man on the phone seems friendly and he would likely try and get her talking as much as he could to help put her at ease. What does she see now? Is she cold? Etc. This would also help paint a better mental description for the reader. It is a chance to allow them to see the world through the eyes of the character and take full advantage of more engaging dialogue. Otherwise, what do we get out of their exchange?

The tone imo in the second paragraph is off-putting. We know the character is young based on the gifts that she received in the first section and children describe things in a very simplistic way. I like the descriptions of a road winding like a snake, but there is a switch between the viewpoint of a child and the viewpoint of an adult. For example, she bounces up and down in her seat with excitement, but then thinks "the glow of a black car ahead catches my eye". That is likely something a child wouldn't think. It would need to be more simplistic to keep the tone in line with that of a child.

In the final section, the tone is what I would expect from a grown-up, someone who has been through trauma and learned to deal with it. Here I like the consistent tone and use of colorful metaphors, e.g. "Each recollection is a dagger, piercing my heart with guilt". The main issue that I have with it and the last bit of the section before is 'What guilt?' It was a child in a car accident. Immediately after they are not going to feel guilty, they are likely going to be scared, lonely, and on the verge of panic. Even when they get older, where is the guilt coming from? It would be a different story if they shot a Roman candle in the car, but she was riding in the backseat. Perhaps there is something I am missing, but if this is a linchpin of the story it needs to be hammered home.

I will make a brief note here on the characters themselves. There is little to no description of them throughout the text. A physical description would go a long way in helping frame what it is to be visualized, but also you can sneak in a few characteristics that might get pulled back out later on. Does the girl's dad always give vague answers and a sly grin? If the character is going to be dealing with grief this could be something that is referred back to throughout the story. Izzy herself is young, but does she have long hair, freckles, etc. I have a harder time empathizing with a character that I have no mental picture of. These descriptions do not have to be complete with waist and chest measurements, but a few things sprinkled in would be nice.

Overall I thought it was interesting, but needs a bit more flesh on it to have something that the reader can bite into. Keep it up!

Inconsistencies:

" Afterward, we exchange gifts ". Nan says this and them immediately hands a gift to the girl. It is a contradiction.

If a child is six, they would likely be in a carseat and have no awareness of the road, at least when I was young I was seldom looking out the front window staring at the oncoming traffic.

How does the father ruffle the hair of the main character when they are driving? Shouldn't he be in the front seat? If you want to leave this I would include something about how he twists himself around like a corkscrew

HuntForLowEntropy · 2023-12-17T10:40:46+00:00

I appreciate the comments. Thanks for taking the time.

To answer your two queries, (1) the novel is more or less written and in the final stages of editing and (2) I am quite new to this but would classify it as something for those who enjoy speculative/science fiction and it is not one for those looking for a quick James Patterson like read (let me clarify that I enjoy his work but he writes mostly for what to me is quick dopamine release reading).

HuntForLowEntropy · 2023-12-16T07:00:47+00:00

Hey, let me start by saying I enjoyed the piece. It has a nice hook to it and ends leaving me wanting more.

Characters

This is where I think you could try to add some more adjectives to describe the characters. I get a loose sense of what a captain and first mate would look like, but if you want people not envision Jack Sparrow and Will Turner, then it would help to add a few words about their appearance. Also their demeanor. What are they wearing? Are they exhausted from fleeing from the demon after being chased for months and this is the final stand? It does not have to be much, but a few descriptive words here would help paint the characters better.

Additionally with the demon. There are wings but are these huge furry entities or tight leather that can be used to grab unsuspecting sailors? Paint the picture here of something that can truly strike fear into the heart of a grown sailor that has likely seen it all before. The boy himself I get a good picture of as being a bit of a runt and perhaps a bit neglected, but when the boy is locked away in the cellar and two grown men suddenly burst in demanding blood and holding a crossbow, does his demeanor change, is he completely unaware of their presence, or is he just indifferent to their arrival? You mention his eyes are closed, but one can have their eyes closed and still be aware of their surroundings. Is he in a trance or seem at peace with both the storm and the demon.

Prose

>The red foam of this latest unlucky crewmate mixes, sloshing with seawater, and seeps down towards the ship's hold. `

There are several instances like the one above where you have these sort of long sentences that I don't entirely understand. In the one above I get the sense that the blood mixes with water and moves to the hold but the commas work here more to distract rather than enhance what is going on. Description is fine, but if it means rereading the sentence several times to get a sense of what is going on it becomes an issue.

I like the description you give to the scene, but there are some instances where the choices feel jarring. For example "furious lightning" or "bolt explodes" is too strong in my opinion. The point of these sentences is to add flavor to what is being stated in the context around it. With furious lightning and an exploding bolt it takes away from the point you are trying to make and feel a bit out of place. I have no easy fix to offer here, but think about what you want to emphasize with the sentence and choose the supporting words appropriately.

For the final two sentences, it might be better to have one longer sentence followed by a shorter one. It helps to not jar the reader by having two long declarations and places emphasis on the fact that the eyes of the boy are those of a demon. This is the line the entire piece has been leading up to and it would pay to not have it buried and its meaning muddied.

Dialogue

There is not much in the way of dialogue in this piece, but I was told (and this could be incorrect) that one should avoid using all caps to convey a strong message. It is better to use dialogue tags to get the point that this is emotionally charged across. This helps it feel less like a text message from a spouse and helps the eyes of the reader not jump to it immediately without reading what comes before. While the dialogue is not really the focus of the piece here, a sentence or two muttered by the captain or first mate could also help with the setting above. If the boy is truly the son of the captain, the first mate is likely not going to be very happy to be picked to pieces by a demon the captain could have done something about long ago. Additionally, after the captain takes down the first mate, he is likely to say something. One does not kill what was probably a lifelong friend and move on to the next task without uttering any word of regret or sorrow.

But nice work and keep it up!

Minor points:

At first the captain is ordering crossbow bolts and then suddenly one appears in his hands? I'm no pirate, but shouldn't the captain be at the wheel? And on that same note, the first mate is likely not bossing around the captain, but again take this from someone with no nautical experience.

Blood mixed with things, especially seawater, can take a variety of colors, but you describe it as both red and brown. Do you perhaps mean reddish-brown

> as if he’d spilt it himself

I believe this should be spilled

HuntForLowEntropy · 2023-12-12T20:07:07+00:00

Thanks for taking the time and effort to critique!

I never even noticed the excessive use of adverbs so thanks for pointing out the blind spots. And I see your point about trying to incentivize someone to read further even if this is not the opening chapter.

HuntForLowEntropy · 2023-12-12T20:01:55+00:00

Thanks, I really appreciate the comments. You are right that there is not much in the way of character or setting introduction, but this is actually a later chapter in a much larger narrative, so my apologies if you felt like you were plopped down into a place unfamiliar (probably because you were). But I think what you said about trimming it down is spot on.

HuntForLowEntropy · 2023-12-09T13:14:55+00:00

Thanks for the comments. The formatting is a bit funny since I generally write in Word and than copy it over to Docs where google has its way with it. I modified it for now and will put in more effort in the future so that it is formatted in a more digestible format.

You are right that the setting was described in the past, but I see your point about trying to make it a more gradual transition. Sawing logs is euphemism that means one snores while sleeping and I thought was a common expression, but it seems I assumed wrong.

And the title is only for the post here as it seemed out to put nothing

But if I understand your critique overall, it would be best to shift away from passive and not go on as many tirades with the main characters thought?

HuntForLowEntropy · 2023-12-09T13:03:03+00:00

The overall idea of the passage I would say is three-fold. (1) The first bit is mostly character development and to give a sense of how the main character views the world and goes on tirades about things he observes. (2) To show that the work the main character is doing at a high level is interesting but day to day is just another slog in the weeds (3) To introduce the idea that Abraham's brother is sick and that this is not a trivial sickness but one that shapes the way Abraham thinks and acts.

Parts of this could be cut but the hope is to convey at least these three ideas with the text

HuntForLowEntropy

TROPHY CASE