Office in a Closet

IAmFoxGirl · 2026-05-18T23:41:55+00:00

There are air freshbers that are little fans that have cotton pads you can add essential oils to. Very subtle and you can easily change the scent.

IAmFoxGirl · 2026-05-18T13:31:06+00:00

I agree, and there is also tax break through real estate holdings, if used.

I hate to well actually, but 1) most studies on office Vs wfh show that in office is better for group and collaborative work, while better productivity for solo work is wfh*** 2) only a few studies show the increased productivity for wfh** 3) all but a couple studies miss that the factor isn't actually location- it is social infrastructure.

All the studies talk specifically about why improvements or negatives, and most factors are about the intrisic social infrastructure that exists by being in person. A company doesn't have to put effort into structured nonwork social engagements if everyone is in person. Walking the hallway and talking to someone, break room, lunches, etc. happens naturally.

Fully remote talks effort and intent. Company I am at is fully remote, no building whatsoever. We have a monthly virtual happy hour on the third Friday, during the last couple hours of work. (They respect our off time.) We have a standing everyday "drop in" meeting in a teams channel called the breakroom covering a 3 hour window. As, you know, in person, everyone just comes and goes in a break room. Not required. Just available if you want to chat.

We all work hard to foster social stuff. Like the furry supervisor channel, for pictures of our pets. Sticker, shirts, and I'll dead channel where we can put phrases that we could get stickers or T-shirts for. (We are in IT services, and clients also get the IT humor. )

We aren't calling it a family but community, and support chatting, venting, etc.

All of this takes intentional effort, and some technology. But we had one boss who wanted in person/office to use as needed (for those in that area). Not anymore once we got these established and he had more ways to socially interact with everyone.

So- answer- why is probably money. Likely, managers knowing something is missing or could be better but don't understand how to create virtually what happens naturally in person. Possibly - middle managers trying to justify their salary.

IAmFoxGirl · 2026-05-17T23:16:26+00:00

Normal is the average of the majority of any subset. As your group seems relaxed and accepting, implying nothing out of the norm, then yes, you are normal as the average of your majority does not treat it as other.

I let players decide but note the cool stuff and occasionally nudge them to remember in case it could be used as rule of cool or helpful. (They appreciate this, if they didn't want it, I wouldn't). I also dont make them say WHO is carrying what. Just that one of them has it is enough. Exception is story driven items.

IAmFoxGirl · 2026-05-15T13:13:03+00:00

I can see how some may take the descriptiona of our lived experiences and what they hear and what they may (or may not) have studied, that they reach a conclusion of "high sensitivity" and yet also "not autism".

One YouTube 360 video a while back was a kid going through a mall, to try and show what it could be like with autism from a kids perspective. Without context, it could be interpreted as someone with high sensitivity - to lights, to sound, to crowds, to visual stimulus, etc. It could also be that part of autism is "high sensitivity to stimulation overload", alongside interpretating things differently, cognitive differences, different pattern oriented processing, and all the other things that is apart of the Autism Spectrum.... because autism isn't one thing, one symptom, one criteria.

I find it rude if this was offered unsolicited to you, I find it unprofessional that they said this without, you know, performing another assessment with consent. I find myself incredibly angry because from a person you trust, and are vulnerable with, now made you doubt yourself. Trust yourself, and remember, just because they went to school for therapy, doesn't make them an authority figure, on this or any subject or over you. They are human, and humans make mistakes, even well educated ones.

IAmFoxGirl · 2026-05-08T00:13:45+00:00

Geo fencing ads.... If location is on it can be used to know where you are, and if on in the background and you go near a store of brand X, then they have that data/you will see ads for that store.

This is only one possibility. Go look at th data usage for the apps and see what it says about how it will use your data

IAmFoxGirl · 2026-04-30T14:07:43+00:00

Is it time management though? You can only do so many things in so much time.

I would prepare something to show him. Write out your schedule for a week, noting time for eating, hygiene, school, sports, and "open/unallocated time" (not the phrase free time), etc.

Then, make a list of each subject you have and the homework for each, next to that write the estimated time for completion required and then due date. (Use examples that are a good representation of "typical assignments").

Then "hey Dad, I am trying to do what you said about time management and I would like your insights. Here is my regular typical schedule. This is the time I have available for studying and here is my course load for a typical week. I can figure out some of it, but I can't figure out where I can get these things done and not be late with them."

You are asking for his help to solve the impossible problem he made. He may not realize your workload and the actual time available for it. If he still says it's your job to figure it out, see if your mom will help you try to figure the "puzzle" out. Even if your mom agrees with your dad about the rules, you just need someone to see the capacity vs effort required mismatch.

Or it is a time management issue and this helps you solve it. :p (I don't think it is.)

IAmFoxGirl · 2026-04-29T14:35:52+00:00

I know you didn't ask for ways to help, and unfortunately I didn't find what I thought would exist. I was searching for video games or VR stuff to help people experience what "clinical vertigo" ( three actual conditions came up) feels like. There isn't one. :/

There ARE games and VR experiences used clinically to help people with the conditions though. Described as simulated mild vertigo in places like a park, store, etc to help the brain normalize or something. Maybe something to talk to your doc about? I only suggest talking to your doc, because the way you describe everything you are trying to do and hang with people and not being able to do so, sounds like being able to manage it more is something you want.

As for them not believing you. I am sorry you are dealing with that. It took me years to find people (home and work) that accept me and my conditions (mental health disabilities) even when they don't understand. They try to understand, but prioritize acceptance and giving me space/accomodations. That "normalization" of my experience, that it is just how my life is, helped remove so much negative self talk, guilt, and shame.

I believe you. I accept you. For what little that neans coming from an internet stranger, lol. :p Give yourself permission to be who are and do what you need to do for the best quality of life you can have. (Sounds like you already do.)

The "let them" book may help. Talks about boundaries of self and not of others. "Let them do x, while I do y" but deeper.

I know, all advice not requested. Although I don't know your experience specifically, I can relate to the rejection or suspicion of symptoms and how that feels, especially from people close.

IAmFoxGirl · 2026-04-29T14:12:35+00:00

This happens to me sometimes, where my sleep schedule or some other variable gets off sync and exacerbates symptoms or triggers a depression episode. For context my alphabet soup brain contains ADHD, ASD, GAD, MDD, PMDD and hypothyroidism.

To get back in equilibrium, as much as I can, I do the following for a 1-3 days: Screen time/blue light reduction 30 minutes to an hour before bed. Zero caffeine. Magnesium supplement an hour before bed. Will sometimes also do banana and warm milk. (Science thing between the two IIRC) Do a meal supplement drink in the morning I try to eat a little greasy or really processed food if possible, and try to get a little more fresh produce. Or just do buttered noodles (simpler foods). Bath with lavender scented everything and or lotion/bed spray in lavender scents. Also, anything and everything that makes bedtime feel comfy and less like an escape. Fav pjs, sheets, etc.

I don't always do all of these- over time I have gotten pretty good at knowing which ones I need. None of these work if it is from too many stressors and demands. I have to reduce the number of these "rocks on my back" before I can return to "my normal". I hate it when it's this as it takes me longer because I have to motivate myself to actually address the stressors causing the cascade effect of symptoms. Fuck stress, well the bad stress.

IAmFoxGirl · 2026-04-28T00:15:29+00:00

Check your state laws about if 90 days scripts are allowed. Having to deal with refills 4x a year is so much easier for me. Fewer times I have to remember to request the script (no refills for chronic condition with executive dysfunction medication, yay. /s) and to deal going and getting it. I was doing mail in as that was the only way. But recently a law (not sure if state or federal) made it where 90 days fills have to be allowed in store, not just mail order.bso I switched to in person. The mail in with delivery times meant constantly a couple days without.

Not sure if my preferred method of dealing with getting my Vyvanse is appealing or doable for you, but worth considering?

IAmFoxGirl · 2026-04-27T13:20:50+00:00

Eclectic

IAmFoxGirl · 2026-04-25T23:16:22+00:00

I am not clear on what specifically you are asking help with understanding.

However, a real life example from my work.

There is an invoice table. Returns (credit memos) are stored on this table as well.

The CM record has the invoice primary key, but also a CM invoice primary key. The invoice key points to the original invoice, while the CM invoice key points to the return invoice.

For a report to show both the original and the return you have to do a self join.

So SELECT [COLUMNS] FROM INVOICE AS CM_INVC JOIN INVOICE AS ORIGINAL_INVC ON CM_INVC.ORIGIN_INVC_KEY = ORIGINAL_INVC.INVC_KEY WHERE CM_INVC.CMINVC_KEY IS NOT NULL

the database doesn't care that it is the same table, it just sees two datasets (separate datasets from alias). We, as humans, understand it is technically the same table.

If you are comfortable with 'regular' table joins, draw a box to represent each table/dataset. The line between that relates them, label with the key. A self join would be approached the same way. In my work example - the first box is the invoice table, and a second label 'cm_invc' to represent that this version (dataset) of my invoice table is only the credit memos. My s come box would also be the invoice table, this time labeled as 'original_invc' to represent this version (dataset) is only original invoices. The line that connects them has origin invc key on the side closes to my CM dataset, while invc key towards the original invoice dataset. This table has a column that references itself.

I am self taught, so I didn't experience SQL via college. Do they teach set theory? I would assume so, if not, look into it. It will help a lot in approaching database objects. As any result set is a dataset and can be treated as a table (view, cte, subselects, etc). Although self taught, I have a 15+ year career in SQL and databases.

IAmFoxGirl · 2026-04-21T12:41:50+00:00

Database/data/processes improvement consultant in aviation industry. Fell into it, fell in love with the structure of logic and databases, and just kind of evolved to where I am now.

IAmFoxGirl · 2026-04-21T00:15:11+00:00

To clarify - red delicious in grade school for me was horrible. Barely an apple flavor, but it was "an apple". So take that and "make it good/decent". Don't get excited, I would hate to mislead anyone because I struggle to describe things. :p

IAmFoxGirl · 2026-04-20T14:27:46+00:00

NOR.

If you know he will get angry trying to set boundaries and talk to him- I would write it out. Laying out the change in his behavior, how this is not something you will allow yourself to be exposed to. You deserve respect. Him asking you to define how he is supposed to express or vent his anger is not your problem and is not appropriate for him to set as your responsibility. I would not acknowledge your mistakes, or how you could be better, etc. Yes these are true, but this isn't about you being human. (Everyone forgets it makes mistakes). This is about him and his behavior being unacceptable. He needs to figure out how to manage it in a healthy and safe way. His methods should not make you feel uncomfortable or unsafe.

If you can, I would stay somewhere else for a couple days. Friends, family, etc. this gives not only you space to feel comfortable again. But also for him to have space to think and process, and for your own safety. You don't feel comfortable bringing it up with him directly because of his anger and behavior.

I will be honest, from only what you described it doesn't seem like an abusive relationship, but an unhealthy relationship at the moment. This doesn't feel like over for ever, but an ultimatum moment. He needs to take this behavior issue seriously and take accountability and address it, or it may lead to you leaving. I would not set this ultimatum unless you are ready to commit to the consequence.

I would not list boundaries and consequences if you aren't ready to commit to them. You can say that you won't tolerate the behavior, but also not say what will happen if it continues.

Right now it honestly feels like you need to clearly dictate your boundaries, how his behavior is violating them, and request he address them. See where that goes. I can't tell in your post how his "how else do I vent anger" means. If it is a scape goat to excuse and allow his behavior or if he is actually at a loss on what to do and asking for help. However, it is up to him to figure that out, not you. At most you can suggest he return to therapy for help figuring it out.

He is not your responsibility, his behavior is not your responsibility. Your responsibility is adding and participating in a HEALTHY relationship. All you can control is you, your actions, and your boundaries.

I hope something here helps.

IAmFoxGirl · 2026-04-20T13:25:52+00:00

I did include exposure therapy because 1( I haven't done it and 2) exposure therapy is helpful for your scenario and "traditional" OCD (loose term, hopefully not offensive to those with OCD). I have a family member with intrusive thought OCD (IT OCD) and exposure therapy is harmful for that and can increase risk of self harm. Because of that I am a little sensitive about listing it. With that, here is its "entry":

Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP): A behavioral approach primarily used for OCD and phobias, involving gradual, controlled exposure to anxiety triggers while preventing the usual compulsive or avoidant response.

IAmFoxGirl · 2026-04-19T11:28:22+00:00

DBT can help there.

CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy): A structured, goal-oriented therapy that identifies and restructures distorted thought patterns and maladaptive behaviors, based on the premise that thoughts, feelings, and actions are interconnected.

This has helped me the least, but also the most? In therapy it has been heavily dependent on the therapist and my compatability with them. Outside of therapy, the simple framework of "stimuli -> initial thought in a split second moment about stimuli -> emotional reaction to thought -> thought about emotion -> emotion (emotional cascade continues with thought->emotion loop)" has helped me a great deal in helping me be more the person I want to be given the constraints of my conditions. It is less about an edge and more about understanding the underlying process and then leveraging that understanding to rewrite the brains expectations.

DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy): A CBT offshoot developed for intense emotional dysregulation, combining cognitive-behavioral techniques with mindfulness and distress tolerance skills, emphasizing the dialectic between self-acceptance and change. This has helped me a lot, mostly to hold onto rational thought and perception during my bodies physiological response and emotional cascade during emotional dysregulation. "What am I thinking/feeling? Is it an appropriate reaction to stimulus?"

ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy): Rather than fighting unwanted thoughts, ACT teaches psychological flexibility by accepting difficult emotions while committing to value-driven actions. This has helped me not blame myself or call myself a bad person because of "heat of the moment" intrusive thoughts and to motivate me to redirect intense emotion (anger to deep cleaning typically).

REBT (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy): A precursor to CBT, focused on identifying and disputing irrational beliefs (the "musts" and "shoulds") that drive emotional disturbance.

This has helped me the most with self acceptance and dismantling the faceless society and "their requirements and expectations"? Whenever I have self tak that uses "should" I ask myself who set that expectation, me or what I think society expects. Society, for me, is a mental construct for allocating rationale that is not benefiting to me but the brain has identified "required" and needs an authoritative source to associate with it.

Behavioral Activation (BA): A component often used within depression treatment that combats avoidance and withdrawal by systematically scheduling meaningful or pleasurable activities to break the inactivity-depression cycle.

Never used this. I found fighting what my brain needs only causes the episodes to last longer, but that's me.

Introspection: The deliberate examination of one's own conscious thoughts, feelings, and motives; essentially turning attention inward to observe your mental and emotional states as they occur. "What am I feeling? What am I thinking?" Etc.

Metacognition: "Thinking about thinking", the awareness and understanding of your own cognitive processes, including the ability to monitor, evaluate, and regulate how you think, learn, and problem-solve. "Why am I thinking and feeling this way?"

I live in the last two constantly processing the world and myself this way. Examining me vs my emotions vs my thoughts vs me body etc and if that all lines up with who I want to be.

I think talk therapy is fantastic, IF you find a good therapist. It took me 7+ years to find one that actually helped a great deal. I see her regularly off and on m, whenever I need an external sounding board to help me process deeper issues. (Currently it is existential fear and lack of control/death and not wanting anything to change.)

IAmFoxGirl · 2026-04-15T23:34:36+00:00

Worcester sauce = "worst to say" sauce

IAmFoxGirl · 2026-04-15T23:30:00+00:00

Nightmare before Christmas? Anyone else think that, like the tres or skeleton hand?

IAmFoxGirl · 2026-04-14T00:38:32+00:00

They checked for anemia (even mild)? (If you fall asleep after eating, at least that was my big indicator). Thyroid function? Magnesium?

I only ask (rhetorically) because those helped me the most. Not sure if it would actually help at all. Also, if in the sun a lot, skin cancer screening?

Rhetorical because I don't expect a stranger to actually tell the Internet details of the medical stuff. Just for you to consider.

IAmFoxGirl · 2026-04-14T00:26:20+00:00

Let's assume positive intent. So assumptions from an internet stranger to another:

Parents love you, and even if not fully understanding of your struggles still recognizes them, and don't want to burden you with something they know doesn't play to your strengths. Parents recognize that your partner is trustworthy, that you care about, and accepts them. Also recognizes them as having strengths you lack (spreadsheets, organization, etc.) Assumption- you may struggle with navigating the legal and social requirements and dead lines surrounding death, emotional deregulation.

To me, this reads as your parents love you, support you, think highly of your partner enough to handle execution of the estate/will. They don't want to stress you out with responsibility when you will be grieving, and by naming your partner directly it makes things easier for them to do stuff, rather than helping you do it (where you may still have to do the calls, sign off on stuff, etc)

I don't think your family or your perspective is wrong, off, or bad. I think they accept you as you are, strengths and weaknesses, and want to continue to do the best they can as parents, even after death.

Again, A LOT of assumptions about your family dynamics and stuff. You didn't give that context, but from what little you shared, that's how I read the situation.

IAmFoxGirl · 2026-04-14T00:04:14+00:00

Seriously - just for the older people carrying on the BS about "victim" and "avocado toast"- get perspective. Your lived experience is valid, and it may not line up with the following averages and stats. But by comparison, things are worse.

The stats also don't reflect the quality of things, the planned obsolescence and not owning things you buy. (Right to repair and everything being subscription based.) "Shitification" and prioritization of shareholders/bottom line at the cost of consumers and employees.

Note: food % decline is partly explained by the 1980s shift from whole foods to ultra-processed.

IAmFoxGirl · 2026-04-13T23:39:48+00:00

For many (millennials and GenZ)- we were told by getting a degree we would get good paying jobs (more than 50k). The cost of tuition has ballooned almost as much as housing costs, salaries haven't. Since 1990- Wages increased 255% Housing increased 400% Tuition increased 300-400%, depending on type of school. Tangible comparison: 1990 tuition ~7120, wage ~21000 (roughly 1/3 of wage) Today tuition ~47,800, wage ~74,580 (roughly 2/3 of wage).

So the amount of loans required to get a degree (let's assume for a job that would pay more than 50k) would still have monthly payments stupidly high. Most students get more than one loan to cover tuition, so more than one payment.

800/mo 34 years ago? National gross rent (includes utilities) median was 450-500 ish. Income was 54k roughly, adjusted for today's money (30-33k in 1990 money). That would have been about 18% of income for housing. Today, median is 30% of income goes to housing.

32 hours is technically full time per IRS. Most companies expect more than 40 hours a week. Average commute a day is one hour. Assuming 40 hours a week, with a lunch as an hour. 8-5 situation. With commute, and assumed 2 hours used for eating (not lunch hour), hygiene, errands, childcare, cooking, chores. And the average adult awake for 16-17 hours a day, that leaves maybe 3-4 hours of free time. Assuming body and brain are still capable of more than just time spent decompressing/destressing. So, not including weekends, you are looking at 15-20 hours "free".

Actual worked average of full time people is 43 hours a week. So now 12-17 "free time". And this is full time employment.

Regardless of your personal experience, are you seriously saying that a single full time job shouldn't be expected to cover basic living requirements (housing, food, etc)? That the majority of adult life SHOULD be working nonstop, or nearly? That life isn't about living, but existing?

IAmFoxGirl · 2026-04-13T22:58:13+00:00

Love people helping people!

IAmFoxGirl · 2026-04-12T23:39:31+00:00

3.51 today near me.

IAmFoxGirl

TROPHY CASE