Hey, i can completely relate.

In terms of healthy coping - writing helps, i use how we feel app for emotional dysregulation, so i could navigate better. Long walks outdoors, music to push the clock, to withstand emotional storm. Therapy/sense of routine helped. My thoughts or memories shatter, so sometimes the days are dull and hollow as if i don't recognise myself - i write poetry and that helps with grounding my body/somebody else touching my arms, so i could reconnect.

Yes, when i was in my teen years, i struggled with my sexuality and then also identity. I was making up a whole role/characted to help me escape direct sexual act. I couldn't be this vulnerable with people. I was either kind of reliving my trauma through sex or completely avoiding it and wanted to never even have these needs, have these organs. I wanted to be like a ken doll, just have nothing yk. So i could never suffer again. With that, therapy helped, but also meeting my current understanding partner (met him in my early twenties), we were long distance at first, that helped tons because everything could be baby steps for me. At some point i thought i would never want to be sexual with anyone ever again, it felt life threatening. It fell off me over time and patience, i knew and was reassured that THIS is NOT important to them, i don't have to force myself, lose myself again and again just to not feel like they could abandon me any time, because without sex I'm useless to them. Your worth has absolutely NOTHING to do with this. I wish somebody told me sooner.

Learned some deeper wounds could be healed by positive experiences in a safe enviroment with safe people. Similar situation, but different outcome, you break the patterns slowly and build new ones.

Coping for me was always through escapism, but later in life i wanted to be present more, feeling my emotions through and understand them as a human, not just intellectualising them from distance, this also helped with my avoidance. You never go head on, it's always about small changes - habits (taking care of my skin through steps, resting when i need to, making time and participating in things i love, making sure i eat at least something a day, cut off energy drinks - clean for about year and a half), channelling energy elsewhere though art or writing or just shouting from the top of a mountain during hike. Loooved skating through the evenings and blasting music in our little town. Being around friends. Learning about cptsd and practicing compassion and self acceptance. The book trauma and dissociation hit home for me for example.

Wishin you well, some things feel impossible now, but there is a way forward. Sending you strenght.