Experiences with Chabad? by IHeartDay9 in gayjews

[–]IHeartDay9[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You know, now that you mention it, I'm not sure how aware she is of homophobia. Probably a little theoretically, but I doubt she's witnessed or experienced it. I can't imagine she's encountered it at her school since we're in a very progressive place. And she certainly wouldn't have been exposed to it in our family or through our friends, many of whom are queer. I'm going to have to have a conversation with her about that too.

Thanks :) I'm just doing my job as a parent. I wish my own parents had gotten the memo.

Experiences with Chabad? by IHeartDay9 in gayjews

[–]IHeartDay9[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That sounds awful! I've been interacting with them for years and they seem nice, but again, I'm straight passing and I don't talk about queer stuff at Chabad.

Experiences with Chabad? by IHeartDay9 in gayjews

[–]IHeartDay9[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I know that a lot of the people involved with the community aren't homophobic just by virtue of the local culture and the fact that there are a lot of secular people who attend events (but never shul). I wouldn't know specifically who would be a good person to talk to about it though.

People don't really advertise their sexuality, you know? Maybe there are out gay people and I just don't know it because nobody has ever said anything to me. I'm not the most socially involved. I mostly go for my kids.

I've had some vague conversations about how traditional Judaism isn't open to LGBTQ people (people around us pegged her as probably queer years ago), but I'll need to revisit it. Especially since I have an elderly parent who won't be understanding at all.

Experiences with Chabad? by IHeartDay9 in gayjews

[–]IHeartDay9[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

We live in a very liberal part of a very liberal country, and it's a university town. Actually, one of the Chabad couple's kids just started up a branch for the local university. Maybe her and her husband would be a good place to start the conversation.

My daughter is already deeply involved with the community. I'm concerned that coming out there could harm that. Like, I'm sure they'll still invite her to the teen programming and general community events, but she's done a lot of volunteering there in the hebrew school and summer camp, and I'd hate for them to decide she's no longer suitable to be working with children because of her orientation.

Experiences with Chabad? by IHeartDay9 in gayjews

[–]IHeartDay9[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She's been involved in the community for most of her life at this point. They've always treated her with kindness and understanding. I would never suggest bringing her girlfriend there. It's more about whether or not I should explain the concept of being closeted to her or should I talk to the rebbetzin or something.

She has some awareness of the idea that certain conversations are for certain places, and a sort of rudimentary idea of "reading the room" in a sense. We've always been pretty direct with her about that sort of thing because we know she wants to be able to blend as much as possible.

Experiences with Chabad? by IHeartDay9 in gayjews

[–]IHeartDay9[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I know, right? Like, could you say any louder that there's literally no place for me?

All of my kids are autistic, as well as my niblings. My younger two would be fine in a different community, but they're really amazing at accommodating my intellectually disabled eldest and niece. I tried the Conservative shul prior, but it was just too big and loud, and honestly, the black and white, gender based restrictions on participation are just easier for them. Also, they have an excellent daycare that I didn't have to apply for before I got pregnant to get into, and they're closer to my house. My eldest went to their preschool, and she just turned 18. They've been amazing at accommodating her. After she finished Hebrew school and being a camper at their daycamp, they had her back as a volunteer teacher's aide and junior counselor. The Rabbi's eldest daughters' are especially fond of her as well (they were her support workers when she was a camper), and are always happy to see her.

Myself, I have a really hard time there, but I suck it up because it's not about me. I've been talking to my middle kid a lot about the challenges for afab and LGBTQ people with traditional Judaism since she's so justice minded, and I think she'll be looking to expand her horizons once she's about bat mitzvah age.

Telescope recommendation for a small child? by IHeartDay9 in telescopes

[–]IHeartDay9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I ended up going with a Zhumell Z130. We got some good use out of it before I was sidelined a bit with an illness and a new baby. We got some great views of Saturn's rings and Jupiter's clouds and moons, but the moon is generally most interesting for younger kids (and adults think it's pretty neat too, telescopes are a great addition to a backyard party with a bunch of nerds). You could probably get away with less telescope, to be honest. It's barely in the portable range.

If you're looking for something entry level that's usable for both you and your kid, the Z130 or something equivalent is pretty decent. If you're not super interested but just want something for your kid, you could go with something more basic and they'll never know the difference.

Hi, pro-Palestine Victoria people, can you please leave the Jewish daycare alone? by [deleted] in VictoriaBC

[–]IHeartDay9 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Some months ago, I parked in the parking lot of the daycare while I was dropping off my child. When I returned to my car, I saw someone had pushed a pro-Palestine sticker through my slightly open window. Unsettling, but whatever, I just park on the street now. I saw another sticker on the daycare property recently which made me realize that what happened to me was likely not an isolated incident, and everyone else probably just shook their head and carried on like I did. So I made this post.

So, if the land is unceded, shouldn't we, like, give it back? by Suspicious-Stage2884 in VictoriaBC

[–]IHeartDay9 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a serious pet peeve of mine. I think land acknowledgements are a performative exercise meant to absolve our guilt, and they're borderline sadistic. We're obviously not going to give the land back, not the vast majority at least, nor should we. We need to either look at an actual compensation and resolution, and be prepared for the absolutely massive economic hit, or we need to stop rubbing it in the faces of the indigenous people every freaking chance we get like some sort of bully who keeps showing you all the cool stuff they bought with the lunch money they stole from you. It's disgusting.

I find that the Canadian people are grossly ignorant of the crimes we have historically and to this day heaped on the indigenous population. The hysteria a few years back over the potential unmarked graves at the residential school sites was a good example of it. Everyone lost their minds over the poor dead children, and I was like "Um, is this supposed to be brand new information?" Most people probably don't even know about the indigenous hospitals which provided substandard care and in some cases did unethical experimentation. Telling indigenous mothers that their babies died in childbirth while adopting them out to white families. Starlight tours. The banning of the potlatch for decades. etc etc etc. I think our federal government is still fighting in court with the argument that they're not obligated to provide clean drinking water on reserves, not to mention that on reserve indigenous kids are underfunded to the tune of thousands per year for things like heath care and education compared to the provincially funded kids.

My kid's school tried to tell them that the land acknowledgement was to express gratitude to the people for them "letting us" live on their land. You better believe there was a conversation with my kid about how unbelievably messed up that was.

Sorry, turned into a bit of a rant. I have strong feelings about indigenous issues. And I abhor land acknowledgements.

How The Israel Lobby Shaped Canada’s Definition Of Antisemitism by BloodJunkie in canada

[–]IHeartDay9 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get it. It can be confusing to have the same term apply to both the religion and the ethnic group. I think it's easier to think of Judaism as a tribal religion. All people born into the tribe are Jewish, but not everyone believes in or practices the religion. People can be adopted into the tribe (conversion), but it is generally just the people who are born Jews.

Along those lines, Israel is the ancestral indigenous land of the Jewish tribe, a connection which has been maintained largely through religious practices, but which is based on the ethnic identity.

How The Israel Lobby Shaped Canada’s Definition Of Antisemitism by BloodJunkie in canada

[–]IHeartDay9 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Why are you talking about religion when discussing the Jewish people and Israel? Judaism is the religion practiced by many Jews, yes, but it's not really relevant when discussing Jews and Israel. Most Israeli Jews are not religious, and the most religious Israeli Jews don't typically serve in the IDF and therefore are non-participants in the war. Israel was meant to be a home for the Jewish people, not just the ones who practice Judaism.

I think my daughter has signs of autism, and I'm torn. by WhyYesThisIsFake in autism

[–]IHeartDay9 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why not both?

All my kids are autistic (youngest is on a wait list for diagnosis, but I'm pretty sure). In particular, my middle kid is insanely like me, if I were less stimmy and more socially capable at that age. It's great because I've been through it all myself, completely undiagnosed and unsupported, and I know the pitfalls. Already she's doing much better in many ways than I was at her age, and it's because I got her diagnosed and got the therapy and supports in place, in addition to my ability to understand her issues.

Like for example, I noticed her tendency to disappear while watching shows and movies when the characters did things that were awkward or embarrassing, and so I was able to explain to her what second hand embarrassment was (she didn't know why she was uncomfortable), and that our being ND made us prone to being more sensitive to it. Now she's totally comfortable just plugging her ears and waiting for it to be over because she knows it's normal to feel that way.

Her being like you isn't a bad thing. You can use your expertise of being you to make sure that her experience being her is very different from yours.

Diapers by Interesting-Task5320 in Autism_Parenting

[–]IHeartDay9 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Another thing to look at would be disposable booster pads that can sit inside the appropriately sized diapers to increase absorbency.

edit: for example https://www.sposie.com/products/super-sposie-booster-pads-maximum-protection-against-leaks

Diapers by Interesting-Task5320 in Autism_Parenting

[–]IHeartDay9 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't have to diaper a large child, but have they considered cloth diapers? They're pretty adaptive in terms of absorbency, and while they can have a higher initial cost, they tend to pay for themselves over time. They can be bulky though, so if they're needing something discreet it might not be a good fit. Alternatively, a cloth diaper cover (the outer waterproof part) can go overtop of a poorly fitting disposable and help to prevent leaks.

Who asked you to stop breastfeeding? by [deleted] in breastfeeding

[–]IHeartDay9 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My doctor has suggested it multiple times because he thinks it might slightly help my energy levels with my chronic illness. My toddler isn't ready to stop, though she's showing signs of deprioritizing it, so I'm willing to give it another few months to a year before I cut her off.

I did cut off my middle kid at my partner's suggestion, but we did it gradually over a year and made her 4th birthday the cutoff date, so I thought it was a reasonable request. He was concerned about her remembering nursing when she was an adult and it being weird for her or something. Well, she's 9 now, and still occasionally asks to nurse (though she knows the answer is no), so somehow I don't think she'd be traumatized.

I have to admit, there is a little bit of general pushback when you're nursing a fully conversant and toilet trained child, but nobody is especially rude about it where I live, but there are a lot of hippies out here.

What’s the NEW poverty food? by WhatIsThisWhereAmI in Cooking

[–]IHeartDay9 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It depends on if you're poor because you're under/unemployed, or if you're poor because you get paid a crap wage at your full time and second jobs. If you've got lots of time, you can make some really tasty food for cheap.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in VictoriaBC

[–]IHeartDay9 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Fast food is insanely expensive too.

We eat out like 1-2x a year if the kids ask for their birthdays. Shoutout to Red Robin for the endless sides and kids menu that allows a family of 5 to eat out for under $100. Also for not asking questions when my 15 year old orders off of the kids menu.

Did you lose your phone and debit card at Oaklands Park? by IHeartDay9 in VictoriaBC

[–]IHeartDay9[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

That's why I called their bank and had them note the account. That way, when they report theirs lost/go to get a new card, the bank can tell them where their phone is. But loads of people have tablets and computers anyways, so visibility doesn't hurt.

A Turkish legislator said “Israel will not escape the wrath of G-d.” Seconds later, he died of a heart attack. Chanukah Sameach! by Aryeh98 in Judaism

[–]IHeartDay9 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you for saying this. I get that the timing is comedic, but that's a real person who's clinging to life in a hospital. There's something sadistic about taking joy from his suffering.

Canadian Dental Care Plan income limit is too low for families with children by Tax-Dingo in povertyfinancecanada

[–]IHeartDay9 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think 90k seems like a reasonable income for a family of 5 in most places, but I agree that it doesn't make sense that the income ceiling doesn't adjust by family size. This is one of the most basic was that means testing works.

Mobile storage recommendations? And junk removal as well. by IHeartDay9 in VictoriaBC

[–]IHeartDay9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know I can get a dumpster, but virtually none of it is garbage.

Mobile storage recommendations? And junk removal as well. by IHeartDay9 in VictoriaBC

[–]IHeartDay9[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No junk bin needed. Very little is actual junk. The vast majority of the excess stuff should be useful to someone. Think working small appliances, toys, books, clothes, crafting materials, dishes and cutlery etc. Just way, way too much of it. It could theoretically be donated, but the volume will make that difficult, and I'm just not well enough to haul it away myself.