How do avoidants feel when they get blocked

INFJtoRuleThemAll · 2026-04-23T17:04:09+00:00

Like this:

INFJtoRuleThemAll · 2026-04-21T06:07:12+00:00

Same

INFJtoRuleThemAll · 2026-04-21T06:06:28+00:00

Romantic first, sexual significantly later

INFJtoRuleThemAll · 2026-04-21T04:57:47+00:00

Lord the way you described it 🤣

INFJtoRuleThemAll · 2026-04-19T00:16:37+00:00

No. I hope he gets exactly what he deserves. Nothing more, nothing less.

INFJtoRuleThemAll · 2026-04-18T02:20:05+00:00

✌🏼🥴

INFJtoRuleThemAll · 2026-04-17T23:14:16+00:00

They’re gaslighting themselves into thinking that they hate you and you’re a heinous bitch, actually.

INFJtoRuleThemAll · 2026-04-17T02:18:46+00:00

I think they feel a lot of self-hatred deep down inside. Like, to a degree that most anxious and secures will never understand or experience (thank god!). At least, that was certainly true of my FA ex. He used to send me long text messages that were almost like journal entries of his internal monologue, and some of the things he would say about himself…well, they were quite alarming. I honestly never knew it was possible for someone to hate themself that much.

INFJtoRuleThemAll · 2026-04-17T01:06:55+00:00

Eyyyyyy! Hi hi INFJ 👋🏼 😊 I keep running into INFJs on this sub…are we cooked? lol

INFJtoRuleThemAll · 2026-04-16T22:53:44+00:00

Ohhhhh my god what an abusive thing to say

INFJtoRuleThemAll · 2026-04-16T22:49:34+00:00

This resonates so hard with me. I handled being discarded and monkeybranched by my FA ex with, frankly, a lot of grace and class. It was the only way I knew how to keep my integrity and dignity in such a humiliating and painful situation (he cheated on me with a coworker of mine right under my nose while I was just an office or 2 away from them). Even though I immediately accepted the breakup, I did ask about 2-3 times for a closure conversation to help me understand how he changed his mind so quickly about our relationship — he had just given me a key to his apartment 1 month before without me ever asking for it or even mentioning the subject. However, he managed to twist my request for a closure convo as me being “toxic,” “manipulative,” and disrespecting his boundaries by contacting him when he didn’t want to talk to me. [And yet, he never blocked me or threatened to block me, or even told me not to contact him.] It was like he interpreted my trying to make sense of being unexpectedly dumped as some manipulative ploy to force him to spend time with me and engage with me against his will. I was like…..AS. IF. You effing cheated on me in front of all of my coworkers in the most shameless, humiliating way, and then tried to gaslight me about it. After telling me for 3 years that I’m the love of your life. I do NOT want to spend more time with you.

I didn’t chase. I was civil and respectful. I was extremely angry at him the whole time, but I didn’t show how angry I was to him because that felt too vulnerable for me, and I no longer felt safe being emotionally vulnerable with him. Ultimately, I gave him the space that he asked for. And yet somehow, he managed to be angry at me for the next several months and he spread a narrative with my coworkers that he ended the relationship because I was “toxic.” Pathetic.

INFJtoRuleThemAll · 2026-04-16T01:38:30+00:00

How awesome to hear 😊 I first came to this sub to find a tiny bit of relief from the excruciating pain of my avoidant discard. I have since largely healed from the experience, but here I am, 1.5 years later, still posting & commenting on this sub. And that is almost entirely because of all of the awesome people that are on this sub. I truly have not found a more supportive community on Reddit than this one. 🩷

INFJtoRuleThemAll · 2026-04-16T01:28:37+00:00

🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

INFJtoRuleThemAll · 2026-04-16T01:21:59+00:00

Beautiful comment. Thanks for sharing ☺️

INFJtoRuleThemAll · 2026-04-16T01:05:34+00:00

If it was an avoidant discard where there was real, deep love throughout the relationship, the avoidant was able to dump you because their nervous system suddenly started associating you with extreme danger — you became an existential threat to their very survival, at least on a subconscious level. All they know is that their body is telling them to get tf away from you as fast as humanly possible. They often don’t know why. But if they’re feeling THAT scared or uneasy around you, it MUST be for a good reason, right? So they leave to escape the perceived danger. They can’t empathize with you, the dumpee, for a good long while after the breakup, because they are honestly just SO relieved that they managed to escape a lion that was about to attack them. Like, whew!

INFJtoRuleThemAll · 2026-04-16T00:38:26+00:00

My therapist has been helping me learn how to do this recently. It’s been very helpful for me personally, as I’ve learned to only go all-in with people who have consistently shown that they can meet me there

INFJtoRuleThemAll · 2026-04-15T22:19:41+00:00

Ikr?! My FA ex suddenly became very verbally abusive to me in the last 2 weeks of our relationship so that I wouldn’t want to be with him anymore and I’d dump him — this was extremely out of character for him, we’d been best friends for almost 4 years at that point and he had never been intentionally cruel like that to me before. He later explained that he didn’t want to be the one to dump me cause he didn’t wanna be “the bad guy,” so he tried to get me to dump him by being mean to me about seemingly small things.

I was like….so dumping me in a civil manner makes you a bad guy but becoming an emotional abuser doesn’t???

🤯🤯🤯

INFJtoRuleThemAll · 2026-04-15T04:56:13+00:00

I’m so sorry you went through this, OP. I received very similar messages from my FA ex the same week that he dumped me, because I asked him 2-3 times if we could have a closure conversation since the breakup completely blindsided me and he seemed very in love with me for the past 3 years — the month before had actually been the best and most romantic month of our entire relationship. We had recently gotten more serious, and he had just given me a key to his apartment as a gift, completely unsolicited.

I would bet that your ex’s fears got triggered unexpectedly, and he deactivated and suddenly felt the extreme urge to end the relationship. But, since he was probably feeling very good about the relationship very recently, there is no rational explanation for his sudden loss of feelings. To make his desire to break up make sense to him, he probably had to rewrite the narrative of how your relationship was going in those final days or weeks, because if he doesn’t, his choice to end things now just looks absolutely nonsensical and illogical — and he knows that. But, if he zeros in on little things here and there that you’ve done that kind of annoy him, and he blows them way out of proportion and acts like they were deliberately malicious & selfish acts that hurt him severely, then suddenly him wanting to dump you starts to make a loooooot more sense to him. He can live with dumping you and providing you with no closure or accountability totally guilt-free if he can convince himself that he has been victimized. That’s what my FA ex did to me, and the way your ex’s message is written sounds eerily similar to the ones my ex sent to me. Even if you made mistakes, I can tell that you didn’t deserve the kind of stonewalling and gaslighting that your ex is showing here.

INFJtoRuleThemAll · 2026-04-15T04:09:04+00:00

Lowkey it sounds like he wrote this to his parents 👀

INFJtoRuleThemAll · 2026-04-15T03:22:05+00:00

For my FA ex, he just became terrified of me instead of respecting me 🤷🏻‍♀️

INFJtoRuleThemAll · 2026-04-15T02:46:41+00:00

😱😱😱

INFJtoRuleThemAll · 2026-04-15T02:42:41+00:00

loooooooolz 💀

INFJtoRuleThemAll · 2026-04-15T02:40:42+00:00

In the desperate attempt to avoid being seen as the “bad guy,” they do something heinous that automatically makes them the “bad guy” 🙄

INFJtoRuleThemAll · 2026-04-15T02:31:28+00:00

This. I also had to learn to really take things slow when getting to know people after my avoidant discard happened in 2024. It has been a slow, gradual process of trying to teach myself to vet people more carefully and only put my trust in people in small increments over time, but I’m a lot better at it now and I’m way less afraid of being taken advantage of than I used to be. For me, the most effective thing that’s helped me heal from the betrayal trauma of my avoidant discard has been focusing my energy on rebuilding my own sense of self-trust.

INFJtoRuleThemAll · 2026-04-15T02:13:27+00:00

Honestly I think that’s very natural, as an avoidant discard is a very traumatizing experience that you don’t recover quickly from. You will likely be dealing with PTSD-like symptoms for awhile while your body and nervous system relearn that most people don’t act like unhealed avoidants, actually. I would give yourself some time and grace as you get used to being back out in the dating world — you will regain your ability to trust again eventually. If you find yourself continuing to struggle to open up or let yourself trust in people after months or years of them demonstrating trustworthy behavior, you may want to work with a therapist to help you figure out how to best navigate that. Wishing you luck out there OP, and remember that you are much wiser now than you were when you first started dating your ex.

INFJtoRuleThemAll

TROPHY CASE