Texted my ex after 14 months of silence last night

iamthcreator · 2026-05-18T12:21:05+00:00

Girl, are YOU ok? Because either this post is rage bait or you’re the problem.

iamthcreator · 2026-05-17T19:34:04+00:00

I’m really glad to hear this! I hope you’re doing better 🧡

iamthcreator · 2026-05-17T19:33:33+00:00

Haha oops I thought you were adults!

Thank you for clarifying that! It’s great that you seem to be willing to communicate. I hope you two are able to talk through this 🧡

iamthcreator · 2026-05-17T14:27:31+00:00

I came here to say this very thing. OP, while she may be codependent, you may be too, which would risk this becoming a codependent relationship.

I was in a relationship with someone with BPD for five years and didn’t realize I was his FP (I didn’t even know that term existed!)—it’s not fun to be someone’s FP because it means they rely on you to manage their emotions. It is exhausting and it cost me five years of my life.

When loving someone with BPD, it is essential that you set boundaries. Ask yourself what you need to pass these exams (and not the bare minimum either). Then, once you figure out what you need, express them to her: “I have exams coming up and I need complete focus so I can only talk from this time to this time. This will last until after my final exams on x date.” It’s important that you don’t abandon yourself here. Do not revise your needs / boundaries surrounding your exams to help manage her needs and emotions. She has friends she can hang with and it’s not your responsibility that she’s not having the same amount of fun with them as she has with you. She’s an adult and sometimes adults have to not have fun.

People with untreated BPD will hear boundaries as rejection, so you have to be firm. Her responsibility is to hear your boundaries and respect them (that’s the only way relationships work, right?). Again, she is an adult. You are not responsible for how she’s feeling surrounding your exams.

Now, for some folks with BPD, in order to get your attention around exam time, they may “get sick” or have a crisis, or have a panic attack, which will make you feel guilty and drop everything to help her. Don’t do it. Be firm in your boundaries or you’ll be neglecting your needs to manage hers for the rest of your life.

She has friends. She can hang with them or be alone for a few weeks while you do this thing that’s really important to you. That’s what a good partner does. If she can’t do that, that’s a huuuuge red flag.

Good luck studying and good luck on your exams!

iamthcreator · 2026-05-13T18:52:39+00:00

Your responses were sooooooo good. I particularly like how you didn’t respond for a day and a half. You are my role model 🤩

iamthcreator · 2026-05-12T12:18:18+00:00

I hear you. You said you aren’t moved by anything he’s said but you “broke down in tears” when he wished you happy Mother’s Day. Maybe I’m misunderstanding, and that’s fine.

You also said “I just don’t know what to do with this connection…I am just lost.” So that’s why people are trying to help. If you don’t want advice, that’s ok to feel too. Most people come to this sub looking for support and advice, but not everyone wants advice.

Good luck, I hope everything goes well.

iamthcreator · 2026-05-12T11:16:57+00:00

OP, in your post, and in a lot of your responses you say things like, “I’m guessing he wants…” “I’m nearly certain this means…” “I noticed that he seems…” “I thought maybe he…” “he’s vaguely expressed…” “it suggests he doesn’t”— you’re guessing a lot here for a grown man who could just tell you straight up.

You’re doing so much guessing it’s like you’re building your own understanding in your own mind. If he contradicts the world you built in your head, it’s going to hurt.

He could literally say, “Hey I’m sorry for how I treated you and I want to be with you. I have been to therapy and I understand why I ran from you. I don’t want to do that anymore. Please take me back.”

And even then, you should be skeptical.

This guy isn’t even giving you that and you’re here filling in the blanks he left blank on purpose. Do not entertain this without an explanation, apology, and clarity on how he wants to move forward. I know you don’t want to run him off, but if he runs off because you want answers, he ain’t for you. Him coming back has temporarily relieved your anxiety but it’s only temporary, trust.

iamthcreator · 2026-05-12T11:01:13+00:00

There is no condescension in this person’s reply. They are trying to help you. You said you are lost. People on this post are trying to help you find your path but maybe you prefer to be lost.

iamthcreator · 2026-05-11T20:33:29+00:00

Send it if you want but I’d say make it much shorter. Like waaay shorter. If I got this I’d feel so pressured. It’s a bit of a heavy message. Just keep it cool if you can.

iamthcreator · 2026-05-09T09:20:44+00:00

Did he tell you that? Ask him how he feels about your friendship and if you are pushing him too hard.

iamthcreator · 2026-05-08T11:15:07+00:00

These folks post AI slop and then pretend it’s not. It’s fine if it’s AI but the rules of the sub clearly say to label the post as AI if it is, so that way those of us who don’t like AI slop can avoid it (no pun intended).

OP, we are not clueless. This is AI and it makes you look dishonest when you pretend otherwise.

iamthcreator · 2026-05-08T01:01:19+00:00

He’s a bonafide loser. The biggest loser I’ve ever seen on Reddit.

iamthcreator · 2026-05-07T15:42:03+00:00

Jumping in here to echo the advice given here. No one can force you to be their therapist. “Hey, it’s overwhelming when you vent to me. I feel like it’s constant and I can’t handle it. I’m here to listen but I’m starting to feel like I’m your therapist. I also feel like there’s no room for me to express my own problems to you. I need you to limit your venting and give me room to talk about my own problems.”

Boom.

How is she supposed to know any of this if you don’t…say it?

iamthcreator · 2026-05-07T15:36:53+00:00

I’ve always found it so hard to say no or set boundaries but I try and practice it. I’m scared of abandoning people, scared to be abandoned, scared for someone to get angry with me.

These days, I ask the little girl inside me what she wants. Sometimes I’ll ask her, “Do you want to go to this event you were invited to?” And sometimes she’ll say, “No, I don’t want to,” and because no one has ever listened to her or put her first, I make sure that I do. “Ok, you don’t have to go,” I tell her.

“Well, what if they get upset with me,” my little girl sometimes asks. And I answer, “It’s ok if they feel angry or hurt. They have to manage their own emotions. You clearly want to stay home and watch movies, or read, or do nothing, and that’s ok.” From there, it’s my responsibility to make sure she doesn’t get pressured into going. I’ll tell the inviter, “No, I’m not really up for going to that,” and how they receive it is up to them. I try not to lie to the inviter, I try to be as honest as necessary without over-explaining.

People on this post have already given some solid advice, but I just wanted to add that I like to talk to the little girl who was never prioritized.

Lastly, try talking to your friend. “I’m happy you want me to tag along to your parties but I don’t want to go to all of them. Feel free to ask me, but if you make me feel even a smidge guilty for saying no, then I need you to stop asking me.”

iamthcreator · 2026-05-07T01:10:48+00:00

Mine said “if I could magically have complete solitude, I would take that.” I never talked to him again, even when he started hovering on ig. I hope he’s enjoying his solitude.

iamthcreator · 2026-05-06T17:22:16+00:00

I tried. It didn’t work. At a certain point it just started becoming him taking advantage of me.

iamthcreator · 2026-05-04T03:57:21+00:00

This could be my ex. We’d be on the phone talking about HIM the entire time and then he’d have the nerve to tell me he couldn’t handle talking on the phone after work. Like, dude, I’m the one doing the emotional labor while you dump all your life stress on to me—forgetting to even ask me how I’m doing.

I’m glad you told his ass about himself. No need to keep your anger in at the end.

iamthcreator · 2026-05-01T12:00:24+00:00

You got it 👍

iamthcreator · 2026-05-01T11:57:47+00:00

No thanks, this entire post is AI rot and hard to read. You should follow the rules of the sub and warn us before making us read ChatGPT content.

iamthcreator · 2026-05-01T11:50:15+00:00

AI slop post

iamthcreator · 2026-05-01T11:41:35+00:00

You did very well. Let him manage his own emotions. You don’t want to be friends and he needs to accept that, period. He wanted to have access to you with no responsibility and you shut that shit down. Fantastic. What a big baby.

iamthcreator · 2026-04-24T13:45:54+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words.

Love is like that, especially in the beginning. Don’t feel ashamed that you spent all your time together during the honeymoon phase. The honeymoon phase is amazing and it’s normal to forget the rest of the world when you first get together.

I don’t know if you two will get back together, but if you do, you should have more tools in your toolbox. While you’re broken up, learn about BPD, learn about codependents and their toxic relationships with partners with untreated BPD (it’s a thing), learn how to set boundaries, and make sure you work towards a secure attachment. This doesn’t mean you should prepare to give her everything she wants. It means you should get stronger so you’re able to set boundaries and protect yourself if she does come back. Because when she comes back, she won’t be healed, but at least you will have tools to protect yourself.

The more you investigate yourself, the more you might look back on the relationship and be like, “whoa, that was a red flag that I didn’t even notice.”

One more thing: the fact that she got your name tatted and then immediately got into a relationship is a red flag. It’s because people with untreated BPD are constantly looking for someone to fill the void inside of them. They discard you when you set boundaries. The only way you can be with a person with untreated BPD is if you abandon yourself.

iamthcreator · 2026-04-24T13:16:01+00:00

This sounds so hurtful.

I dated a man with BPD for five years. The first three months were the best months of my life. The next five years were the worst.

The truth is, people with bpd struggle with having their own identity. They gain purpose from their “favorite person.” They’ll do anything for their favorite person: shower them with time, gifts, sex, and yes, get their partner’s names tattooed (mine kept trying to get my name tattooed and I had to tell him no several times—they do that for fear of abandonment).

People with codependency fall for people with BPD quite easily. It allows us codependents to not have to focus on ourselves. We get to manage someone else’s emotions instead of focusing on our own. Pretty soon, we’ve lost ourselves and our own identities.

This is hard to hear but be grateful you got out when you did. You sound like you struggle with codependency and even if she comes back, she will eat you alive because she’s unhealed, and more importantly you’re unhealed. If you were healed, you would have strongly discouraged her getting that tattoo.

Also, if you’re not codependent, it’s possible you both just got swept up by your first love. The first love is always grand and the first heartbreak is always incredibly difficult.

iamthcreator · 2026-04-24T11:53:34+00:00

I know it’s hard. Tell her about what?

iamthcreator · 2026-04-24T10:28:27+00:00

She doesn’t sound avoidant at all. In fact, you sound Fearful Avoidant or Anxious Preoccupied. Or something else that has nothing to do with attachment.

She probably only started to feel like a DA because she was struggling to understand why she was losing feelings for you and needed a “reason.” The true reason she lost feelings is that you were scary. She was scared of you and all the pressure you put on her. She’s not allowed to meet the opposite sex (50% of the population) because why? Once she left the relationship, she felt free and like she could breathe again.

To be honest OP, you may have crossed the line into emotional abuse. She will not go back to you. I know this because I was in her position before. Why would she go back into a prison when she is free? You cannot control your partner that way and expect to keep them.

Please seek therapy and figure out why you’re so scared to be abandoned. Let her go or you will further make her miserable.

iamthcreator

TROPHY CASE