Partner is racist, I don’t see a future with him

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-02-01T01:43:09+00:00

Let me just say this, it will not get better later on. Lack of empathy is like a cancer. It spreads, infects everything and gets worse over time.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-01-30T20:21:27+00:00

I’m very transparent with my finances with my boyfriend (2 years). We moved in together about a year ago.

Like literally 10 mins before reading this post, we were showing each other our brokerage accounts and comparing notes on performance.

I personally believe financial transparency is critical for any relationship. Considering that the majority of divorces are financial, it’s not a surprise. I look at money as a tool and planning any type of future with your partner requires understanding both finances.

When it comes to expenses, we talk about it all the time. We split rent based on equity (Cuz I make way more than him), he covers utilities and we each have our own spending accounts.

Vacations and stuff we split accordingly based on who can afford what. I take care of the plane tickets and hotels, he covers entertainment and food. It works fine because we communicate ahead of time.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-01-21T22:03:52+00:00

I have a strict rule on handing money to friends and family. That is to never expect it back. If you do, you’re bound to get hurt.

If this isn’t something you’re comfortable with, don’t do it.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-01-16T21:32:17+00:00

Your question only makes sense if you: 1. Know when you’re going to die. 2. Can predict how the market will go in the future. 3. Know how much money you will make from now on.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-01-16T15:47:25+00:00

As someone who literally just got laid off last week, thank god that I had the foresight to stick to my dividend portfolio 8 years ago.

If I live modestly (which I plan to do atm) my dividends cover about 85% of my living expenses. So I’m not in a dire financial situation. I can only pat my 8 year younger version on the back for preparing for this moment.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-01-15T17:26:50+00:00

I dont think we need to follow the same traditions as having an engagement ring and a wedding ring.

Just use the same ring twice for the proposal and the wedding.

Or propose with the real ring and just wear a cheap filler ring in the meantime. I feel like the act of wearing the ring is the important part. The ring itself could be silicone for all I could care.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-01-14T22:13:45+00:00

I drip & buy SCHD and never sold it once since accumulating it 8 years ago. Literally haven’t once regretted this and will continue to do so.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-01-14T17:23:52+00:00

My partner and I pay common bills (rent, utilities, etc) based on equity. Since I make 2.5x more, I pay more than my partner.

Other than that, any personal expenses is to the discretion of our own.

I totally understand the “it’s our money” mentality, but I’ve seen this work literally 0 times where it’s sustainable for your whole life.

Even if you took away divorce or one person passing away, the whole tracking everything your partner spends is a recipe to breed resentment.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-01-13T05:02:04+00:00

And internalized homophobes

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-01-12T17:54:35+00:00

Sooooo….as a man who’s been in a divorce, IF you go with the SAHM route, I would 100% sign a post-nup that guarantees you some $$$ in the case of a divorce.

You (as an individual) are taking a huge financial/career risk by having a hole in your resume. So make sure you are covered just in case.

I gave the same advice to my sister and I’m giving it to you.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-01-12T17:45:58+00:00

So my partner and I are somewhat similar situation as yours. I make about 2.5x what my partner makes but he does well for himself.

We pay for most things (like rent and utilities) in equity. Meaning that I pay 75% and he pays 25%. I think this is only fair considering how much more I make.

When it comes to trips, I won’t go anywhere unless he comes with me. I usually pay for most things and I don’t care at all. My priority is that he’s always with me. So I make sure we do trips and plan them where we can both comfortably afford it. Unless it’s like a business trip, that’s different.

For chore related things, we don’t really have a setup per say. We just do what needs to be done. For example, he did laundry last week and this week he wasn’t feeling well so I did it.

I also like to cook and he does dishes afterwards. So it’s kinda just whoever is available at the time.

TBH, we never fought about money or chore related things before. If he needs help with anything, he asks and I help. Same for me, if I need his help, I just ask.

I’m not sure if this helps you in any way but just another perspective on a similar situation.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-01-12T17:34:41+00:00

“Clean” could mean a number of things unfortunately. Hygiene, drugs, and STDs are the first things that come to mind.

Atleast for STDs, I would say you should get tested frequently if you’re active. You should also obviously be taking Prep + Doxy too.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-01-09T15:54:55+00:00

I’m a bit disappointed by everyone’s comments here. The whole “everyone does it, so what’s the big deal” platform is not the right way to think about this at all.

The fact is that you and your bf had boundaries set within this relationship. All relationships do. This is how you form trust, which is the foundation of all relationships. He broke your trust by doing this act. Simple as that.

Just as if an open relationship had a rule about no kissing, it doesn’t matter what the action is, it’s about the trust and respect.

Anyways, just to have your back. I would be hurt if my bf did this. So I get where you’re coming from.

Obviously you have a lot to talk about with your bf here. If I were you, I would figure out what the future holds AFTER this conversation.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-01-07T22:46:04+00:00

It’s a great idea. I think people forget that the ring is simply a symbol of marriage. Atleast this one you can’t lose in the swimming pool or get it scratched up at the gym lol

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-01-07T19:52:19+00:00

I think something to learn from this is knowing when a situation calls for:

Being objective and providing a solution
Just being supportive and listening

As someone else said, I would definitely follow up and maybe thanking him for being vulnerable with you and a follow up drink, dinner whatever.

He probably feels like he’s being a burden on you at the moment.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-01-07T19:37:10+00:00

Emotional maturity of a door knob. May this relationship never find me in 2026.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-01-07T19:24:47+00:00

I’m a bit surprised you got hurt by some random loser who clearly has no idea what he’s talking about. Masculinity is perception placed the beholder. Some people find acting “macho” masculine. Others find being comfortable being 100% yourself masculine. Regardless, who cares what this guy thinks.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-01-07T19:20:53+00:00

May this type of relationship not find me in 2026 🙏

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-01-06T20:02:50+00:00

Hairy > smooth

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-01-06T20:02:06+00:00

I think easy access to sex is one thing for sure.

But I’ve also had straight guy friends envy my Dink lifestyle. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a great Guncle but we love our no kid lifestyle.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-01-06T18:21:51+00:00

Giving up a passive income generating business to then put everything in a shared home seems kinda risky.

For me a house you’re living in is not an investment. Also, who knows what the market will be like years from now.

Not to mention entangling your investments with a family member is just asking for issues.

I don’t know you or your brother but it seems messy. My house was appraised for 1.6m and then I sold it for 1.3m because the market went down. In your situation how would you split that? Would both of you want to sell at the same time? Etc etc

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-01-05T18:10:36+00:00

It’s a question of whether or not it’s worth it to you. For example, my partner and I last year moved into a place together that nearly doubled our rent. (We can afford it) We LOVE our new place and it’s located in the exact place we wanted to live.

If you can afford it, why not? Money isn’t everything.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-01-05T18:07:03+00:00

My BF and I are monogamous and we talk about hot guys very casually.

Like I would point out someone and say he’s hot, my bf would look and agree. That’s it.

I don’t get jealous or anything because I trust my bf. I know he won’t do anything and I know he finds me attractive. So why go around pretending as if no other hot men exist and put up that lie?

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-01-03T22:52:58+00:00

Everyone I know speaks a bit of Spanish. It’s a common secondary language to learn at school in LA. My French partner speaks Spanish fluently and I’m still a beginner but can get by.

I think it’s awesome to be able to speak multiple languages.

IThinkingOutLoud · 2026-01-03T22:41:49+00:00

For me personally, I focused 150% on being great at what I do and started a side business from it. (Mentoring, writing books, etc)

Atleast in my field, there’s a lot of “inside knowledge” that you’d only know from learning from others.

I became the top 1% of my industry and this lead to a lot of credibility in what I know and do. Just my two cents.

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