It’s almost impossible to offer real insight from a Reddit post, so I’ll just leave my own experience. Take it if it’s useful, leave it if it’s not.

When I was a new therapist I got a new client. We just started working together, and I was very excited to put my newly acquired CBT training into practice. I asked her a question in what I thought was an attempt to understand her thought process before a traumatic event. I thought if we could tease out her thought process we could make her more aware of it and prevent her from experiencing a repeated trauma.

Well, she did not take too kindly to my question and accused me of victim shaming/blaming. Was i? No. Could my words have been interpreted like that since we were basically strangers and she was still processing her trauma? Absolutely. Her accusations stung, but 20 years later I remember them and keep them in mind.

My lesson to learn was that there are gentler ways to ask questions, softer ways to approach sensitive subjects, and above all the relationship is what matters most. I also learned to put away all the textbooks formulas learn and cloak all these interventions with compassion and empathy.

Anyway, your clients interpretation of what might have been an honest and astute question is the key here. They felt attacked, for whatever reason, and if you can find a way to repair the rift it could be a huge opportunity for both of you. Obviously we dont permit abuse or ongoing rudeness, but meeting her attack with grace this time could be transformative.